Finally have some mojo back and a loss!!

I didn't want to admit this till now but I stood on the scales 10 days ago (just before Christmas) and I was a shocking 105.9kg!! ouchy!!!

That was the kick up the butt I needed and am happy to say I have done 1 whole week on the no carb thing with great results ... today ... 103.6kg ... that's 2.3kgs in just over a week ... very happy!!

I'm all inspired again to lose ... finally!! Been a very long time since I had that ol' mojo. My hubby giving me a plane ticket to Rarotonga certainly helped, gave me something to work towards and a definate timeline, which is what I need ... goals!

It's a little tricky organising food to eat on the road while on the ambulance. Almost all processed packet/tin food has lots of carbs in it. But so far I've been able to work it out.

Yay glad to be back losing again!!!

Hope everyone had a fab Christmas! I spent the day with my family and extended family at my sister's place. Was a lovely day!

Last day at work today 9am - 9pm shift then off for for days and back home to Waihi Beach ... yay!! Still loving it but I'm bit buggered today, need some sleep!!! :)

what doesnt kill me will make me stronger

Well I'm not sure if anyone will read this update as it's been so long since I updated my blog. Apologies for that :(

Life is like a whirlwind!! It feels like I just finish one day and onto plans for the next. I'm still loving my work! I thought I loved ambulance work in Waihi but didn't know true satisfaction till the last month. In Waihi I would get heart palpitations every time the pager went off I think mainly from the fact that I was pushed into a leadership role far before I was really ready. I realise now how much that knocked my confidence.

The last couple of weeks I have been working with an advanced paramedic who is so cruzy and discourages any stress yet at the same time has taught me so much!! I'm absolutely loving my work!!

As for commuting back and forth I still find the first night up in Auckland hard, feeling huge amounts of homesickness. Missing my kids bucketloads. Especially when my 6yr old Christmas present (yes early I know) of a trip to Rarotonga in May (my holidays) for 10 days, kid free, stress free, hubby free!! So my best friend and I are off for 10 days of bliss, staying at my sisters bach!! Roll on May!! Now that's gotta be motivation to get down in weight!!

Talking about weight ... to be honest I haven't weighed myself in over a month ... last month weighing in at 103kgs ... not too bad ... still maintaining. But I'm definately not in the weightloss mode at the moment. Guess it's a case of trying to balance life and until everything settles down I can't focus on weightloss. My jeans still fit so I guess that can't be too bad. But I know I can't let it go on for too long, gotta get back to it.

Janene (from Lean Janene) is a huge motivation for me at the moment ... I'm so proud of her! She's a sweetie from within and on the outside. I can't wait to see her transformation ... huggggs chickey!!!

Well that's my update for today, life is still good, still chaotic, still happy with my career path, as challenging as it may be at times. But hurdles are good if it makes us stronger, and stronger I HAVE DEFINATELY BECOME!!!

Satisfaction

Life is good ... things are still working out well with my four days on, four days off and commuting back and forth between Auckland and Waihi Beach. I find by my last shift on I'm getting pretty tired but recover pretty quickly on my days off. The first day I have a couple of hours sleep in the morning before I leave Auckland, travel to Waihi Beach and keep myself awake and go to bed early, have a good 12hrs sleep and wake up feeling pretty good.

It's bliss having the four days off and I'm finding I'm spending some really good time with Bill and the kids.

The flat in Auckland is still going well. We are all (3 of us) working pretty long hours so we all don't see a huge amount of each other. Infact sometimes I might go 3 days without seeing anyone, quite bizarre. But when we are all together there for dinner we have quite a good social catchup. I think it helps that we're all a bit older in age group and maybe a bit wiser and past the whole 'party mode' era.

My weight has stabalised at the moment and I've stayed the same (102kgs) for the past 3wks give or take 100g. So I'm happy with that.

Got a few more things to catch up on here in Waihi before I head back to the big smoke tomorrow.

I certainly can't complain about anything ... Life is good!!!

Time is so precious!!

This pic was snapped on my phone camera this morning ... the kids were cracking up because Bill was trying to tickle my bottom with a toi toi flower behind my back as I was snapping the photo!! This photo captures our time together as a family!! I'm loving it!!

A BIG HI to Debbie!! Debbie's sister in law is in the same intake as me in Auckland ... I won't mention her name (ya never know who is reading round the corner) but she's a VERY COOL CHICK!! A real doll!!

I've done two shifts on the road now and it's not as scary as I thought it would be! And everyone around me is so supportive, even tho I am the 'newbie' :)

And yes I have been flopping into bed at the end of my shifts but I'm absolutely LOVING IT!! I still have to pinch myself to think I'm being paid to do something that I've done volunterally for the past 2yrs and love so much!!

I've just finished my first 4 days off and have had a wonderful time with my family. We've been down to the beach, gone for walks and sat and talked ... very cool time!!

I'm back up to Auckland this afternoon for day shifts the next 2 days and 2 night shifts.

And no I wasn't at the stabbing in Auckland last week. I started the very next shift (half an hour later) and it wasn't in the area I was working. (I've had heaps of people ask me that lol)

I finally got on the scales yesterday ... first time in nearly 3 months!!! Wow time goes quick. And I'm not too disappointed ... a gain of 2.4kgs ... could be worse but of course I could have been lighter too!! Water under the bridge. Things are still a little crazy to go back to counting points just yet ... as always I'll get back to it when my world settles down and I get used to this new routine.

I usually find I get a little homesick the first day or so (mainly in the evenings) then my mind gets busy and I come right. Bill said the kids are the opposite, they're fine for the first few days then they start asking when I'm coming home, saying they miss me ... :( That's the hardest part in all of this. But they are coping very well and our time together is precious, and we all treat it as so.

Anyway better get my butt back to Auckland ... so sorry I haven't commented on any blogs lately!! I have just been soo soo busy!! Miss you all!!

scary caves!!

Sorry for the HUGE delay in doing an update!! In the last 10 days tonight is the first night I've had at home where I've had no assignments/homework to do!!!

IT'S CRAZY!!! But I'm still loving it!! Scared shitless but loving it!

We're still in class at the moment. My first shift on the road is at Howick station next Thursday night (not tomorrow but a week away). Our days have been filled with assessments, assignments, tests, lectures and a WHOLE LOT OF LEARNING!!!

On Monday we had a scenario to do where we went (in pairs) to an apparent "fall/collapse" in the garage of the station. As we walked in we checked scene safety then as all looked clear we walked up to the patient and he told us he had been assaulted ... then out of nowhere a big maori guy with tats, beanie and dark glasses came running towards me with a baseball bat swearing at me "what the FUCK DO YOU WANT!!!" I threw my hands up, told him to stop and ran as fast as I could backwards towards the door!!!! My heart was in my throat!!! Don't think it had beaten that fast in a very long time!! And I'm sure I lost a couple of kilos there and then!! He got very close to me and thank goodness he was an actor otherwise maybe I might not have been here to tell this very horrific story!!!! lol

We went on to learn how to defend ourselves in scary situations. We had to go through situations of this guy hurling abuse at us and what we would do!! It's actually a very scary thing to go through but very important all the same!!

Today we got sent to an address in Devonport and we were met by a guy who told us his mate had collapsed down a dark cave (which he took us to the entrance of). Our team was the only team (1 of 3 teams) who refused to go in the cave to a guy who had apparently cardiac arrested. The lesson was no matter how serious the condition, if our safety is potentially at risk ... don't go!!! yay we passed that one by telling him (in between him screaming at us!!) that I'm very sorry but until we get someone here to help us (the police) we can't go in there.

The course has been very demanding with them putting us in all sorts of situations but I'm really happy with how it's going and the things I am learning from it!!

This weekend I am off to Thames for my inclass course for my Diploma in Ambulance Practice so it will mean 9 days straight working, then I have one day back (my first shift on the road) then ... bliss ... 4 days off!!!!

Think I might need it by then!!!!

P.S. my belt buckle has gone down a hole since I got here!! Something must be working :)

I made it to the big city

I've been in Auckland now for just 2 days and it feels like I've been here forever!! So much has happened in the last two days.

I arrived Sunday night after spending two days in class on my National Diploma in Ambulance Practice course in Thames, so I was knackered. My flatmates had cooked me a lovely dinner, very nice welcome!!

Went to bed for a rough night of tossing and turning, I guess all the anxiety of what tomorrow would bring. Helped a little that I'd rung Bill and the kids earlier in the evening and everything was going well at home.

Woke up at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep. So by 5.30am I decided to get up. I had to be in Downtown Auckland at 8.30am and I really didn't know how much time to allow to get there from Manukau with peak hour traffic. Given I wanted half an hour to relax with a coffee once I got there I figured if I left just before 7am I should make good time.

What happened?? I arrived there at 7.20am!!! Over an hour early!!! LOL! Think the guy thought I was a bit over the top keen turning up that early. But much rather be that than the other way round.

As the people started arriving (12 of us in all starting that day), it was good to have a chat and see where everyone else came from.

8.30am came round and first on the agenda?? A test!! Straight into it! Then a little introduction from everyone giving our backgrounds. They then got us to stand in a line side by side and proceeded to repremand each of us on what was wrong with our uniforms. Lucky I escaped that one with a "you're not too bad" but oh boy... felt like I had joined the army, not St John ambulance!!! After bracelets, necklaces, gum removed and name badges straightened, buttons done up properly, jackets zipped up by everyone we were able to move on.

We were then given 1 minute to come up with a 2minute speech on a topic and to speak for not a second less not a second more!! Oh boy!! What had I done??? I was feeling rather homesick by this stage.

The rest of the day was filled with more tests, explanations of what was to happen, what stations we were all going to, rosters etc, etc, etc!!

I arrived home to the flat very tired and brain drained to say the least!

Today I was up at 5.30am to be at Mt Wellington station by 7am start on a driving course. We spend the first 3hrs driving an ambulance through the tiniest and busiest streets of Auckland in peak hour traffic!! Fun!!

Then this afternoon was in class learning more theory about driving. Tomorrow we are out at Whenuapai Base to do backing and ambulance and skidding skills.

Talk about busy ... full on!!! But I'm LOVIN IT!!!! And to think I can be paid to have this much fun!!

A few panic attacks

I just finished my last Waihi Beach First Responce shift last night and today is my last Waihi Ambulance shift ... sad and exciting all the same.

I'm having a few drinks at the station tonight to celebrate them all getting rid of me, so that should be a bit of fun. Although I found out the other day that the other girl I know (from up the coast) who also applied for Auckland and didn't get in, is going to be at the station tonight doing a shift ... whooopsie!! lol. I told my station manager and she said "who cares?? It's your station not hers, if she wants to be here to do a visitors shift, you have every right to be here too!" Ahh well, she'll get over it I guess.

I had all my medical checks and blood tests the other day. They tested my Blood Pressure (which was a little on the high side, I'm thinking from all the stress and the fact that I've been sick for the last 2weeks), hearing test, vision test and immunity status for things like Mumps, rebella, Hep C etc.

I've been having dreams the last week which makes me think I'm a little nervous about this move to Auckland. One where I can't find my car on my first day, then work out it's a campervan which only goes 50kms/hr, so means I'm going to be late, then the road turns into a dirt track, then eventually becomes a deadend and I can't make it there.... stress?? ... um yep think I'm a little stressed.

But deep down I know this is a good move for me and one that will improve my self esteem, confidence, and ambulance skills. I'm sure I'll be fine once I get there.

I go up to Auckland on Sunday/Monday to sort out my flat, get spare key, find out where my station is, parking etc.

Then I have a week off from ambulance, spend some time with the family. On Saturday (6th Sept) I go to Thames for a 2 day course (for ambulance), then up to Auckland Sunday night for my first shift Monday morning (8th Sept)

Deep breath Lyn, it will all be fine!!!

the pieces are coming together

Wow it's overwhelming to read all your lovely comments!! Thankyou so much!!

Although I didn't think I was too phased about the fact that I hadn't organised anywhere to stay in Auckland yet, subconsiously I think it was playing on my brain.

I had a couple of options up my sleeve but they all had a little tweaky thing that didn't make it 100% suitable.

Here was my criteria ...

• needed to be close to the motorway for easy access wherever I might be put for that day
• needed to be more south auckland than anywhere else, for closer commuting home and I know the layout of south auckland better given we lived there for 7yrs
• wanted a quiet household where I could easily sleep during the day when on night shift
• no kids
• no party house
• no lawns to mow
• reasonable rent
• off street parking for my car
• secure area given I would be coming and going all hours of the day and night
• friendly flatmates who I could relax around

Option One ... Had been offered a place with an ambo friend who lived out at Kawakawa bay. She's a lovely lady and they are a retired couple but it was so far out of Auckland (35mins on a good day)

Option Two ... My cousin and his wife have just moved to Auckland in Onehunga. While I get on really well with them she is pregnant due to give birth in October and they have a big barking dog. I could see myself having sleeping issues there.

Option Three ... Sandybee from on here said she had a friend looking for a housemate but was located a little off the motorway and more east auckland than south.

I really wasn't sure which of these options to pursue. Last week I rang a really good friend of mine (who I worked with for 5yrs at The Warehouse in Manukau). She was sooo excited when I told her I was going to be coming back to Auckland. "You HAVE to come live with me!!!" She said. Turns out her and her flatmate had said the week before they wanted to get another flatmate in. They live in a 3 bedroom 2 storey townhouse (only 3yrs old) right in the centre of Manukau City ... 500mtrs off the motorway.

I have a double room for $150 a week which includes rent, power, phone, internet, off street carpark, as many toll calls as I want (she's on a flat rate call plan) and she and her flatmate are in their 40's, with no kids and not into frequent parties. They both work full time so will have the place to myself during the days (when I'm doing nightshift). And we get on like a house on fire!!!

ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!!! As soon as it was confirmed that's where I'll be living it was like a huge weight came off my shoulders!! Made me realise how stressed I actually was about it.

I can't wait to catchup with her again... it's all fitting in perfectly!!!

IT GOT IT!!!!!

The phone rang ... and I just knew!!! So I wasn't surprised when I heard the voice on the other end introducing himself from Auckland Ambulance Head Quarters ...

"Congratulations! ... " I don't remember the rest of the conversation!! I am absolutely flabagastered, jumpin jimbo fantastically excitedly ... ecstatic!!!!!! I GOT THE JOB!!! WAHOOO I GOT THE FRIGGEN JOB!!! I can't believe after doing just under 3000 volunteer hours last year that I'm finally going to be paid to do the job I LOVE!!!!!!

WAFRAHIIGIN HOOOOOOO!!!!!

For the minor details .... start date 8 September, where? South Auckland, staying with a friend until I can find myself a good flat/boarding place, commuting back home on my days off ... 2 night shifts, 2 day shifts and 4 days off.

I'm a paid ambewance owfiser, I'm a paid ambewance owfiser, I'm a paid ambewance owfiser!!!! Heheh!!!!

nail biting stuff

Thankyou all so much for your support!! It means so much!

I haven't got much more to say but since it's been nearly a week since my last update I thought I'll keep you all posted as to what's happening ...

So what's happening?? lol ... nothing!! lol

I'm still waiting to hear back whether I got the job. I was told 2 weeks before I'd know and it has only been one week ... so I just sit and wait, and wait, and wait... nails getting shorter and shorter (no I'm just kidding, I'm not a nail biter)

I'll certainly keep you posted as soon as I know anything!!!

Glad it's over!!

Lucky!!! I made the decision a week ago to go up the night before and stay in a motel room!!! I got to Auckland and settled into my room, turned on the news to see that the Kaurangahake Gorge was CLOSED!!! (due to heavy rain, flooding and slips!!) If I hadn't have gone up early I wouldn't have made it in time!!

Feeling quite alone in my room I set out to Silvia Park Mall for dinner and to buy a few bits and pieces I hadn't got (an exercise top and breakie/lunch for the next day). I got told to eat carbs for my dinner meal before. Given I hadn't eaten carbs for the last 28 days I was a bit nervous at choosing a pasta meal. My tummy groaned for a bit afterwards but was fine.

I didn't sleep well waking up every hour from 3am onwards. At 6am I was up and having a shower making sure I didn't wet my hair (that had been straightened) or my ankle (that had been strapped just in case) so was a very tricky shower.

I left the motel room at 7.20am and made it to Head Quarters at 7.25am (35mins early). Much rather to be early than late. The rain was horrendous!! First up was a group Team exercise and fortunately was with a really great bunch who all worked well together. The comment was made afterwards how well we worked together (which was the whole point of the exercise) Check one done!!

We then went on a rotational basis for our next 5 assessments. First up for me?? THE PHYSICAL!!! Two of us were doing it together and with me was a huge 6ft guy!! Stretches (including the one I was nervous about putting one arm over my shoulder the other under and touching) done!!! Phew!! Step ups?? DONE!! Carry chairing a 70kg dummy up and down 3 flights of stairs twice!! DONE!! (harder than I thought it would be) Pressups?? DONE!! (and done easy thanks to my training) Walk around the block carrying 4 pieces of equipment??? Given I was with a 6ft guy I had to take 2 steps for every one of his which made me push myself a whole lot harder ... DONE!! And 30 secs UNDERTIME!!! I was so happy to have the physical out of the way ... AND PASSED!! YEEE HAHHHH!!!

Next ... My formal interview ... I answered my best. It was none of the questions I thought it would be but they commented on a lot of answers what a good answer that was and finished off how good it was that I gave so many examples of situations I had been in. They couldn't believe that I was a full time volunteer that didn't get paid!!

Next ... a 40minute drive on the motorway and around the suberbs. I nearly didn't completely stop at a stop sign because I was too busy chatting to the assessor but realised just in time!! Phew!!! Passed!!!

Then map reading exam ... yay another passed!!

Then the clinical ... 40mins of questions assessing my medical knowledge. There was only one question I struggled on which I got ... eventually. Thankfully the assessor gave me the time to think about it. He said at the end that I was the best he had in this intake of people ... another yay!!!

Then a psycho analysis ... just answered the best I could and no way of telling how I did on that one.

It was a full on day of intense assessments!!! But at the end of it I really felt I did the best I possibly could!! I gave 100 percent and wouldn't change a thing!!!

Now I have 2 weeks of waiting for the outcome. If I get accepted I have a start date of early September which is just over 4wks away!!

I was absolutely buzzing on my way home ... a good days hard work!! As I was driving home the first news report said the gorge was still closed!! I only had 1/4 tank of gas left just out of Paeroa ... if it was still closed I would have to go all the way down to Matamata, over the Kaimai's to Tauranga and home ... an extra 1.5hrs on my journey. Lucky the gas station at Paeroa was still open as I came through so I filled up. The guy there told me that he thought the gorge had just opened but wasn't sure. So I took the chance and YES fortunately it had just opened as I came through ...

... home!! Finally!!! And glad to be so!! What a day ... but a happy day!!!

Here we goooo!!!

TOMORROW IS THE DAY!!! The day I go to Auckland, stay the night and have my interview first thing in the morning. I have to be at Head Quarters at 8am sharp! I've managed to get a room to stay just down the road from there and I'm really nervous already!!!

I've been given advice from EVERYBODY!! And I've decided that I can't do any more now for my interview. If I don't make the grade now then I never will. For the past 28 days I have dieted, walked my butt off, done hundreds of pressups, step ups, crunchies, studied and memorised my proceedures, practiced and practiced my questioning of a sick patient, practiced my answering of interview questions, practiced my cpr and practiced my mapreading ...

... and now I'm over it!! I'm practiced out! I'm dieted out! I'm exercised out!! For the next 36hrs I will do nothing ... no I correct that ... I'm doing one more walk tonight and then NOTHING!!

I have a list of things to pack and a list of things still to do ... including getting my hair done tomorrow, sorting my exercise outfit out, getting my ankle strapped by my physio and packing my bag.

I'M SO NERVOUS!!! Let's hope I can get these nerves under control by Wednesday morning!!

Oh and by the way ... weighin I was exactly the same again ... 99.8kg

Waiting Game

I got home on Thursday night, excited that the next day was D Day!! The day we would get the phone call whether our sale had gone unconditional ....

... sadly I got home to news from Bill that the agent had rang to say the buyers wanted more time to think about it. I was so angry I burst into tears!! How could this be?? Everything was going to plan so well!! I felt mucked around. Either it was yay or nay ... not a maybe, maybe not!!! It doesn't give me a good feeling.

I spent the night crying, and everytime I woke during the night, hoping it was all a bad dream the realisation that it wasn't a dream but reality sent me into another episode of crying.

Initially I was going to pull of my ambo shift on Friday but made the decision to carry on, knowing that sitting at home thinking about it all, would only make me worse.

So I turned up for duty on Friday with red, puffy eyes. My duty officer that day was very caring and listened to my blabbering, trying to add words of comfort.

Friday night was our ambulance awards dinner and I promised myself I wouldn't be focusing on the shop but enjoy myself, concentrating on my enjoyment of ambulance service.

We had a great night and I managed to keep my mind away from the disappointing news. Than an exciting unexpected thing happened ...

... I won the top award ... "Ambulance Officer of the Year" complete with certificate and trophy cup!! Yay!!!

And as far as my weighin ... I stayed the same this week ... which I'm ok about.

Now we continue to wait ... I HATE WAITING!!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!

OHHH MY WEEK JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER!!!

Official weighin today .... At 5.50am getting up and ready for ambo duty today I hoped on the scales and my eyes jumped out of my scull like a cartoon character!!!

99.8kg!!!!!!

Can you believe it???? I'm struggling to .... I'M IN DOUBLE DIGITS!!!! FINALLY!!! After 18mths I'm finally under 100kgs!!! Ohhhhh those numbers looked so beautiful today!! I was dancing round the room singing 99.8 ... I'm 99.8 ... 99.8 ... I'm 99.8!!! While Bill trying to sleep grumbled at me ... I didn't care ... I'm 99.8!!!!

So in one week I lost 5kgs!!!!! exactly!! 104.8kg I was last Thursday. I've never lost that much weight in one week!!!! Shows what complete determination can achieve!!! And this is the most determined I've EVER been to lose weight!

And to top it off I was talking to the First Aid tutor here at the station this morning who lives in Auckland (there's a First Aid course being held at the station today) and we got talking about my Auckland application and she said if you need a place to stay on your days up there come stay with us. Absolutely perfect!!! She's with St Johns so she understands my work, they're a retired couple (so no late night parties to keep me awake) with no kids at home in a 4 bedroom house and they both work during the day (so I can sleep when I need to after night shift) and they were looking for a border!!! I can't believe it!! Fantastic!! Ohh and she's on a weightloss program too so no temptations!! She just has to go home to talk it over with hubby but she said she thinks it will work out perfectly!!! And she's a sweetie!!!

Ohhhh this is all just perfect!!!!! Doin the 90's girl jig today I tell ya!!!

You wouldn't believe it!!

And I thought things were looking great when I did my last post .... since then ...

I got a phone call on the ambulance from my station manager on Thursday to say someone from Auckland was trying to contact me and gave me his details ...

It was the Auckland job application ... I was so nervous making the phone call back to him ...

My ambo partner was quietly squeeling in the background ... she had to pull over she was beside herself ...

"Congratulations!! you have been shortlisted for your Auckland job application! We were inundated with hundreds of applications and well done you've made it to the final 20! Congrats!!" He started ...

I had to take a deep breath ... I couldn't believe it!!!!

He then proceeded to tell me about the 8hr interview I'll be having on the 30th July ... yep you read right .... 8 hours!!!!! I have to be at Mt Wellington HQ at 8am and it's over at 5pm!! Ohh my friggen goodness!!!

Here's whats involved ...

- a 45minute driving exam in an ambulance, both suburbian and motorway
- map reading exam
- group lateral thinking scenario and individual assessment afterwards
- literacy exam
- clinical exam
- resusitation scenario
- phsyco and ethical analysis

and ....

A 45 MINUTE PHYSICAL!!! including a 1km run with 20kgs worth of gear to carry, 25 pressups in 1 minute, 45 situps in one minute, 45 step ups, and a whole lot more stuff ...

I got off the phone and the other officer (who calls a spade a spade) says "Right you have some phone calls to make ... ring Bill, now ring Pauline (my station manager) ... now listen ... you have 28 days left ... you have to pull your finger out of your ass and get out there walking and exercising and get back into losing some major weight girl!!! You have to do this, you are too good to miss out on this opportunity because of your fitness ... get out there and do it!!! Sorry to be so blunt but you know me I tell it like it is and someone has to say it.

I actually wasn't offended at all and thanked her for her honesty. She was exactly right!! It was the exact thing I needed to kick my ass into gear!

So I've put myself on a very strict regime for 28 days ... no starchy carbs at all!! Meat and vege for dinner and a protein shake for breakfast and lunch, snacks of fruit and 2 bottles of water. 30mins (at least) of exercise 6 days a week. I'm not a huge fan of protein shakes long term but I have to think about it like a body building working up to a competition ... I have to go hard and whatever works I HAVE to do ... I haven't got time to muck around ... I have 28 days!!! That's it!!

Here's my weights so far (have been weighing daily)

Thurs - 104.8kg
Friday - 103.6kg
Saturday - 102.7kg
Sunday - 101.5kg
Today - 100.9kg

Nearly 4kgs in 4 days!! ... I know I won't be able to keep losing at that rate ... but boy I have to do my damned best!!! I soooo want this job!!!!

Ohhh and Kathryn ... yes I would be very interested to find out more about that boarding opportunity!! I don't know (if I get the job) which station I'll be at and which area of Auckland but if you could get back to me with where they live for a start ...

I'm sooooo excited ... and nervous!!!

One door closes, another opens ...

I have to admit I was wrong. I imagined Bruce's funeral to be a bundle of nerves and stress for us all, but it all went really well. We had a lot more people come than expected with the last few in the hall having to stand at the back.

It was a simple ceremony with the minister opening, Bill giving a eulogy and then the floor opened up for anyone to speak and tell of their stories of Bruce. And heaps of people came forward to say their bit. There must have been over 20 people speak in the end. We had laughs and lots and lots of tears and everyone left remembering what an amazing guy he was. Some who took life by the horns and lived it without boundaries. It was sweet seeing grown men in absolute tears for a mate who they loved and respected.

The last of the family went home today so it's just us again. Back to peace and quiet with no screaming kids or screaming adults for that matter. Although in saying that it was really neat catching up with all the cuzzies again.

Turns out the job I applied for at the lab (admin one) probably won't eventuate. They've decided they can get away without employing anyone now. Ahhh well.

A few days ago I learnt that the casual ambulance officer position probably wasn't going to happen for exactly the same reason. But I had a strange peace about it all. I know something will come up.

Then yesterday my boss at the station called me aside to say that the RSO (my boss's boss) was so impressed with my work on the road that he rang his boss (who employs the casuals) to put in an excellent word for me and persuade him to employ me and all without my knowing. I was blown away!! I've been told I should hear back in the next couple of weeks on that.

I also had it suggested by my station manager to apply for Auckland. They are currently taking on officers. In the past I've always shyed away from this knowing they are run off their feet. It's a hectic place up there, but in saying that I know that it would be good for me. It means putting myself way out of my comfort zone but deep down I know it will sharpen my skills and confidence on the road.

So yes you guessed it, I've put my application in for Auckland. I can hear all your questions now ... but where will you live? are you moving back to Auckland? What about Bill and the kids?? The kids are happy here in Waihi and very settled. If I get the Auckland job it's a 4 day on four off roster, so I'll find myself a flat or boarding place up there, Bill and the kids will stay in Waihi and then I'll come back home to Waihi on my days off. My long term plan (if I get this job) is to get my skills up and a good look on my cv for when the new officer position comes available back in Waihi (in around a year to eighteen months). We'll wait and see, don't even know if I'll get a look in for the job... ambo jobs are very very hard to get (so I've learnt)

The shop sale is going as planned so far. Still have to wait for it to go unconditional in a couple of weeks time, but everything looks good so far.

We've found ourselves a place to rent in Waihi. It's still being built at the moment and will be ready a week or so after we move from here, so might mean going on a little holiday first maybe. It's a brand new brick and tile 3 bedroom place with ensuite, heatpump, new carpet, new kitchen ... thank god!!! We have lived in grotty little holes since moving from our new house in Auckland. To have a place that doesn't have the wind whistle threw when all the doors and windows are shut, a place that actually looks clean once it's been cleaned, a place with a front door (not a back coridoor from the back of a shop as the front entrance), a place to call HOME!!! Our current house is not a home, sure we have our furniture there but it is just accomodation. So to have something brand spanking new ... yay!!!

I might just have to go shopping

Wow thankyou guys. It's good to be back blogging again. I think the break was good to make me appreciate the simpleness of the reasons why I want to blog. I started to get caught up in should I say this? shouldn't I say this? who is reading? what will everyone think? When at the end of the day blogging is not about all that stuff ... it's purely and simply a ways of communicating to a bunch of friends. Having the break away made me realise how I was over complicating it all. At the end of the day I missed my bunch of mates, and THAT is why I blogg!

The funeral organisation is nearly done. Poor Bill has had it all on his shoulders to organise it all. There are 5 boys in the family ... the oldest is in Aussie so can't really do much, the next went over to Switzerland to bring Bruce back, the next one works full time and didn't really put his hand up, the next was Bruce and lastly baby bro Billy. He's done well considering, although I've had to take my hands off given it's not my brother and I can see things being done a little ... umm... shall we say ... corner's cut. I tried to put a gentle word in to give some advice which wasn't recieved too well so have left it to him and will just have to bite my lip for a bit. But that's ok, I'll get over it! lol

Bruce arrives home tommorrow and is being brought down by hearst from Auckland airport to Paeroa where the funeral director is. He will stay there for the next few days till the funeral on Monday, allowing anyone who wants to go see him to be able to there. I was a little nervous when Bill said he wanted to go see him. I warned him that Bruce has been dead for nearly two weeks now so he won't look the same. Infact he will not be looking very good at all, and that I hoped Bill won't have that memory stuck in his head and will be able to remember him as he was, not as the empty remains he last sees him as. I understand Bill's point tho that until he sees him there won't be a closing for Bill. It's all still too much like a story that happened somewhere over the other side of the world.

As for the sale of the shop not much else has happened. Basically now it's a matter of waiting for the time to go by. And I'm sure it will be going by veeery, veeery, slowly.

Onto weightloss, after all that is the whole point of my blog!! lol ... and laugh out loud I have to do. It has certainly not been my focus for the last month but it never is when my world feels like a tornado. I've been doing this for long enough to recognise that when things settle down again I will get back into it and start cracking the whip again.

And I need to do this ... because I have a friggen ball to go to ... like an evening wear ball gown ball!!! I have nothing to wear!! I got out some dresses I had from my slimmer days and had a little try on last night. Of course most were too small but one of them nearly fitted ... just the overly endowered boobs popped out the top!! Just imagine that?? On the dance floor and a boob decides to go for a runner, not a good look!!!! lol

So I guess I need to do a little shopping before the date of the ball ... 28th June, either that or lose 20kg by then ... hmmm ... don't think so!! lol

Catch up

Where to start??

Thankyou all for your lovely comments. I'm sorry for not updating in such a long time. No excuses really, just got into a funk and decided to take a break for a bit, from weight watchers and blogging. No other reason.

It's been a crazy month ...

Firstly, I didn't get the ambo job. Got a bit disalutioned at first wondering if I was wasting my time thinking I could ever get a paid ambo job. After a couple of days sulking I snapped myself out of it and realised I still love doing my ambo work regardless of whether I get paid or not.

I was informed by one of my bosses that the only reason I didn't get onto the short list was my qualification level and to keep working on that. So that's what I'm doing. I've since been asked to apply for a relief officer position which I have and am waiting to hear back about. If I'm successful in this it will give me something very positive to put on my cv and the pay is very good when you do get work, although can be very speradic. But it all helps at the end of the day.

We got some very sad news last Monday 9 June. Bill's brother in Switzerland died in an absailing accident. We still don't have all the exact details as to what happened. His other brother is over there at the moment organising bringing his body back to New Zealand for burial. In the meantime Bill has been organising his funeral and I've been running the shop and house. He was only 36 years old! Far too young for anyone to die!! He arrives back in the country on Friday and his funeral will be here in Waihi on Monday.

The other news is that we have had an offer on the shop which we are going to accept. There's been negotiations back and forth for the last couple of weeks and we have come to a price both us and the purchaser agree on. It goes unconditional in the middle of July with settlement date 31 July. It still may fall over, as with any sale it's not final until the money's in the bank but I feel very positive about it.

Both Bill and I are excited about the next chapter in our lives. Not quite sure what we're both going to do but to be relieved of the burden of the shop which we have worked our butts off in for the last four years will be very nice.

We've decided that for the meantime we will stay in Waihi, shifting from the beach into Waihi itself (a bit cheaper rent and more jobs). The kids are happy and settled here so hopefully we can find a job ... see what happens, who knows??

I've applied for a part time admin job in a research lab here in Waihi. I've made it to the final two people and find out in the next 3 weeks if I'm successful or not. So hopefully with that and the relief ambo stuff will be enough to get us by. Then Bill will also keep his ear to the ground for some work.

So very sad and exciting news all in the same post.

Flu jab ... is it worth it?

So much for having my free flu jab ... I got the flu!!! Almost back to normal now just a nagging cough lurking around.

Still no word on my job application yet, they're taking a while.

Weighin on Wednesday brought a 700g loss. I'm picking my brains to find a strategy to get below the 100kg mark. This one is so physcological for me and I'm not sure why. I keep bouncing around that mark and just can't quite get under it. A big part is that I still feel like I have such a long way to go. Remembering back to when I did Jenny Craig nearly 20yrs ago my start weight was exactly 100kg ... that was JUST my START WEIGHT!!! And here I am 20yrs later still at 100kg!!

With some of my friends stopping blogging I've lost my accountability or more importantly that comrardery, the hype that builds eachother up to get through those tough moments. I really need to sort something out here. The local ww meeting closed down months ago and I don't want to go to SureSlim (too expensive for me). And I get so busy, time is an issue.

I'll have to keep thinking on this one. But for this week I've had my first two days OP so that's a good start.

Gotta get moving

I went to his funeral on Monday and my emotions surprised me. I found myself feeling really angry. It felt like such a waste, he had a beatiful wife and kids and so many people around him who loved him. The room was absolutely packed out!!! There would have been over a thousand people there. We were in a side room with standing room only. So many people spoke of what a fantastic guy he was. Such a waste! His wife came up to me and gave me a hug which was really nice.

Onto the weight front ... yeah a yucky gain this week but I expected it. I can never count points properly when other stuff is going on. 1kg up but onto a good week. No more time mucking around, gotta get to those double digits!!

Ohhhh and I almost forgot ... I played netball last night, first time in over 20yrs!!! And I ran (yes ran!) up and down the courts 8 times!! First time I have run on my ankle since breaking it 18mths ago. It's very sore today but I'm proud ... ohhh and we won our game!! 25 to 7 !! yay!!

Back from AWOL land ...

I've been AWOL from bloggerland the last week. Well I haven't been totally not blogging just not publishing my posts and doing them in draft only. I've decided an the end of the week that I'm not actually going to publish them. It's nothing against you guys but I've had a seriously emotional week and dealing with a lot of very tender personal issues which I feel wouldn't be appropriate to put on here.

Now don't going worrying yourselves about me or my family - we're fine. To give you a basic outline - I went to a job last Wednesday that involved a suicide in which my ambo partner and I were first on scene and we were unsuccessful in reviving him and it really hit home because I knew him. St Johns were fanstastic and had a huge amount of support there for me both immediately after and over the next few days. It affected me big time causing me to have nausea and vomiting for a few days and tossing and turning at night. I think I'm working through it ok, however my emotional stress is nothing compared to what his wife and young kids have to deal with. My heart just goes out to her!!!

Next step is the funeral on Monday which might bring a few emotions back up again.

I found my eating was very minimal over the week as my stomach just couldn't face it. But I tried very hard to eat what I could to keep my energy levels up. I weighed in at 100.5kgs this week which is a good loss but a weighin post last Wednesday just seemed so insignificant with what happened that day. So I've chosen to leave it till today to post.

Now I've worked through some of the stuff (blogging privately helped alot with this) I'm back to 'normal' blogging again.

who needs 3 wishes, just 1 ... I want that job!!

Did my first day back counting points yesterday and must admit it gave me a huge sense of being in control again. I ended up having to eat on the run for dinner so as the person I was with was driving through KFC I decided on a Works burger for dinner. Obviously not my first choice in healthy nutrition. I guestimated at 8-9pts making me 1 or 2pts over for the day, not too bad I reasoned with myself.

This morning I looked up the KFC website to find that actually the works burger is infact only 4pts!!! I triple, quadrupally tested it ... yep only 4pts! So here I was feeling guilty about nothing! It actually meant I was under points by 4 for the day.

~~~

I've had the wonderful pleasure of being awarded the latest award going round by Linda and CactusFreek ... sounds like I'm describing a flu bug! haha! Not quite the same horrible side effects. Awww ... Thankyou guys ...

Now to pass it on ... given alot of my blogs I read have either stopped or gone private I've only chosen out of the public ones. There's so many wonderful blogs I could choose but have decided on these ones for their 'stickibility' ... that's what weightloss is about ... being in for the long haul and these three chicks I am commending for that!! Well done guys!!

So here's who I pass it onto ... Zanna, Hippygal, and Jen ...

Onto another day ... my day off in the shop so as usual I've jumped on the ambulance for the day. My job application closes off tomorrow so hopefully should hear back next week if I've made the short list ... so hope so! But of course not getting my hopes up too much ... who am I kidding??? My hopes are through the roof!!!

was good but not for me

Greenlane diet week is over and I managed to lose 600g. Not good enough results for me to keep doing it. I'm happy with a 600g loss but the sacrifices I had to persevere with don't make it worthwhile.

I found after the three hard out days I went into a rebellion mode with food. Kinda like the noose is off now so 'LET'S EAT!!!' The book says you can lose up to 4.5kgs in 3 days. We all know that won't be 4.5kgs of fat!! After day three I was down 2.6kgs but of course as soon as I went back to normal eating again my gut filled up again and I was back up another 2kgs over the following 4 days.

So I'm back to counting points again. It's always interesting how take something away makes you appreciate it. Very glad to be counting points again and eating 'normally'.

Onto another eating healthy week. Only 1.3kgs to go to get into double digits!

Simple pleasures

I'm pleased to say I completed my first three days on the Greenlane diet. I now have four days of healthy eating but not to a strict menu. It was really hard going!! REALLY hard! I found each day by the time I got to mid afternoon I was feeling very lathargic, light headed and headachey. Proud of myself that I stuck to it rigidly all bar 2 glasses of wine on the night of day two.

Bill had a friend/customer in the shop yesterday that he was telling about how we were doing this Greenlane Diet. She said "you're crazy!! That diet is for people who are so sick in hospital. They are stuck in bed and can't move all day! And you guys are eating the same amount AND walking around! I don't know how you can do it!"

I hadn't actually thought of it like that. I don't think it will be a permanent thing for me but more of a kickstart to get my motivation back which it seems to be doing.

Lynda and Jules you are totally right! I couldn't remember what he had died of. I had an idea it was something non-related to weight but couldn't quote that on here as I wasn't totally sure. So thanks for pointing that out.

I'm really enjoying his book for reasons other than weightloss as well. It's been very good timing. We are currently going into winter which is always a tough time financially for us. We're having to live day to day budgeting to pay bills and when you own a shop like this the bills are big amounts ... in the thousands so we have to be very tight with our money. Some days it gets us down and very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyway getting back to the book ... this guy talks about another side of life ... one where he had no issues with money, where he was jetsetting all over the world for meetings. Over to London for 8hrs then back again, flying all over New Zealand multiple times in a day, smoozing clients in fancy restaurants, buying big fancy cars and living a life many people dream about. Yet he wasn't happy. He found himself not communicating with his wife because he was too busy being the big exec and by the time he got home he would flop into bed and start all over the next day.

It was a great reminder to me that money isn't everything. I've never had a desire to be hugely rich but enough to cover the bills and a little left over for some playtime is the dream for me. And sometimes I feel very let down in life because we've had to work so hard just to pay the bills. This man made me refocus on the fact that yes we may be broke, but hey we have a great relationship together (Bill and I) where we can be together every night and talk, we can work happily together, take the kids out for a swim down the beach as a family, play 'bat down' out in the back yard as a family and generally we can have the time just to be us, with out the rush, rush, rush of the 'high life'. We have our health and we have to be grateful for those small things because in all reality those small things ... are actually big things in life ...

To simplify it down it reminded me ... 'Don't worry!! Be happy!!'

P.S. - for those of you who asked what happened about Bill's job ... he never heard back so we're taking that as a no. Pretty rude of them not to let him know, but that's ok we're happy with that.

Don't run away mojo!!

Firstly ... 'Me' ... the guy's name that wrote Diary of a Fat Man is Paul Jeffreys. (published by Penguin Books) Hope that helps. I must admit I tried to do a search on the net to find a pic for yesterdays post but found very little info on it. I wonder if they pulled it from publication when he died.

This new menu plan is working out great for me! (the Greenlane one I talked about yesterday). It's really hard to stick to and I'm finding I'm getting really hungry (like stomach majorly growling at me hungry) between meals. I think this is a good thing for me right now. I got so used to the points system where if I got hungry I just ate and used the points from another day.

Get this ... I've EVEN gone to black coffee/no sugar!!! (normal is white/1 large tsp sugar) And it's not actually too bad!

As you may recall I had beetroot for my menu dinner last night. I had raw beetroot there that I was going to cook up. But not wanting to add sugar I found a recipe to roast them with garlic and balsamic vinegar which in theory sounded devine ...ehem ... 2.5hrs later everything else was cooked and we were still waiting for the beetroot. I gave up, took it out of the oven and decided to boil it ... half an hour later I thought they must be cooked. The kids had eaten everything else on their plate so I peeled the beetroot and dished it up. "YUMM!! Beetroot like grandma does!!" came their excited replies. They started hooking into it as I peeled Bill's and my portions. "Umm, it's okay, not quite as good as grandma's beetroot" I heard them say. As I took a bite of my beetroot I was discusted!! It was revolting!!! Still crunchy and raw!!! Those poor kids ate their beetroot without another word! I just couldn't eat mine! YUCK!! I gave in and went and got a can of the stuff out of the cupboard. "You kids want any more of the canned stuff?" "No mum I'm full" Poor things! lol

We finished the night off with our allotted ww icecream and baked apples.

This morning it was worth it all with a loss of 600g on the scales for my weekly weighin! Very happy given I've only been on this plan one day.

My food for today is ...

Breakfast - 1 boiled egg, 1 slice dry toast, 1/2 banana

Lunch - 1 cup cottage cheese, 5 snax crackers

Dinner - 2 Frankfurters, 1 cup broccoli, 1/2 cup carrots

Snack - 1 cup ww icecream, 1/2 banana

My mojo may very well be on it's way back!!

Anyone seen my mojo? ...

I'm trying desperately to find my mojo again. It's totally vanished and do ya think I can remember where I left it???

While waiting for the pager to go off at the ambo station the other day I picked up a book and started reading. 'Diary of a Fat Man'. I'm usually against such 'tacky' books but his writing style actually grabbed my attention.

It still goes against the grain for me reading a book about a guy who loses 64kgs to 'gain his life back' (his words) and then dies 6mths later!! But hey still a good read.

I'm about a third of the way through it and one of the diet's he does (twice a year) is the 'Greenlane Diet' named because Greenlane Hospital uses it for all their patients waiting for open heart surgery. It's remarkably simple and cheap so I thought 'what they hey? I'll give it a go'

It involves a very strict diet for three days and 4 days off, 3 days on, 4 days off etc. I think I need a bit of structure at the moment to get me aysse into line!

This is todays food ...

Breakfast - 1/2 grapefruit, 1 slice dry toast, 1tblsp peanut butter

Lunch - 1 slice dry toast, 1/3c tuna

Lunch - 1 cup green beans, 1 cup beetroot, 2 slices lean meat

Dessert - 1 small apple, 1 cup ww icecream

Feeling good so far but only upto lunchtime... see how I feel on day 3!!!

Feel good about this one

I know I've been a bit scarce of late. Things are still crazy busy.

Weighin today gave me a 1.8kg loss showing that lasts week gain was infact fluid as I'd thought it was.

Not sure if I told you guys but I missed out on the Tauranga ambulance job. Wasn't too worried as I didn't expect to get it.

I've now sent my CV off for a job that's come up in Thames, for a Patient Transport Officer (2 days), and Frontline crew (2 days). And the cool part is they are asking for an officer of my level (primary care 2 officer).

So basically means for 2 days a week (12hr shift) it will mean transporting patients between hospitals and the other 2 days on ambulance. (then 2 days off) And Thames is only 35mins drive away so I can easily commute.

So fingers crossed

Proud moments

*UPDATE*

Oopps!! I forgot to post the pics of Lee-anne's wedding. Here they are (below)

I've had my head buried in the sand the last week. Not wanting to admit the bad food I've been consuming. I think it started by the fact that I felt I did really well eatingwise at Lee-annes wedding and came home to a yucky gain. Then it went downhill from there. The whole thought of 'what's the point?' filled my brain.

So when my official gain showed up on Wednesday I couldn't bring myself to blog it. 104 yucky kilograms!!!!

Then two days later it was back down again to 101.7kg!!! That's just cruel! But I'm back ontrack again after a couple of days of sulking and wallowing in my pity!

Lee-anne's wedding was absolutely beautiful! She was stunning! She asked me to post some pics for her till she gets back from sunny Rarotonga! (lucky tart!)

While there I got talking to a lady (who I'd never met before) and turns out she is the mother of the guy that interviewed Bill for the new job he was going for in Rotorua! How bizzare is that?? And then she ends up being at our table at the reception... too weird! Still no news on how Bill got on yet.

Yesterday I attended a funeral of a young 26yr old guy who died of cancer. Very very sad! He was a truck driver and fire brigade officer here in Waihi. So they had a full ceremonial farewell for him with the Fire Brigade, Police and Ambos in full formal uniform. The casket was on top of his fire truck and behind we all marched in perfect rows of four ... Firies, then us ambos, then police. We marched behind right down the main street. Hundreds of people lined the streets and everyone was in perfect silence!! Was a very emotional moment!! The sense of pride felt by us all in respect for one of our own was overwelming!

After the funeral we marched back to the fire station and behind us was a long line of logging/freight trucks about 15 of them all up. And as we reached the station each of the trucks drove by slowly and one by one pomped their horn in goodbye, it went on for quite some time. Everyone had tears in their eyes! There was a moments silence then the fire station siren went off for a last call for him. The officers got in their fire trucks and they slowly drove off for a private family cremation. Every single person had tears in their eyes! What an amazing sendoff to one amazing officer who was taken much too soon!!!

Did aliens take my patient????

We are still waiting to hear back from Bill's interview. Overall the store manager wanted to hire him, the 2IC was very insecure about him and they were offering a much lower salary than expected.



But I'm taking one day at a time and see what happens... will keep you posted :)



I had an ambo job at 1.30am this morning. I never do night jobs well ... it always takes about 10mins for my brain to kick into action.



On our way there COMMS came back saying two patients were at Waihi Police station so they reassigned our paramedic and one ambulance there and sent us (the other ambulance) to the scene to check there were no other occupants hidden, lost or abandaned at the scene.



When we got there we had a good look around the smashed up car and in the bushes, had a chat to the fire brigade and police and there didn't seem to be any patients unaccounted for.

I gave an update to COMMS ...

"We are R23 code 2"

Their reply ... "Sorry, Waihi Beach1 can you repeat that message!!!??!"

"We are R23 code 2 ... ohhhh ... ummm ... ooops ... sorry, correction ... (pause) ... we are R35!!! code 2"

I was so embarrased ... My boss's boss came on air next to say "Thankyou WaihiBeach1 you can stand down and return to station" with a chuckle in his voice ...

why was he (and everyone else listening to the radio) laughing???? ....

... because ... what I was supposed to say was ...

"R35 code 2" which means ...

R35 ... ambulance stand down ... code 2 ... patient gone by other transport

What I did say was ...

R23 ... PATIENT DEAD!!! code 2 ... and gone by other transport!!

I can't believe it did that!!! HOW EMBARRASING!! and infront of all those people!
Hmmm ... think I might be up for a blooper award on that one at the mid winter ambulance awards.

...

I'm very excited to say we are off for the weekend to go to Lee-Anne's wedding. Bill and I without the kids. The last time we went away without kids was ... I can't honestly remember!!

We've organised a babysitter to stay overnight with the kids, staff in the shop and my ambulance rosters to be covered... a big mission but we did it!!

Then we rang the babysitter to check we were all good for tomorrow and her reply "ohhh am I staying overnight??? I didn't know that ... ohhhh ..."

WTF???!!!??

We told her that at the start ... lucky Bill was on the phone to her not me. He was much more polite than I would have been!!

So yes to still do have a babysitter ... just as well!!!

We're off ... and boy do I need it!!!

Yay go Lee-anne!!!

MEN!!!!!

How am I today??

Interesting question ... Numb would be one word. Angry another, helpless, manipulated, alone, lost, nervous with a small amount of maybe I'm over exagerating and it's all about nothing!!!

I certainly hope I'll wake up tomorrow and it's the latter.

As I type this Bill is driving to Rotorua ... for a job interview!

Yep! We have a business we run together, yep I am trying to train as an ambo officer which takes a good 40hrs a week, yep we have 4 kids together.

Why??? Because for the last 3 winters we have struggled financially, because he's lost the passion for the shop, because he's bored.

So much spinning through my head. My life is at a crossroads and will turn in a dramatically different direction depending on the decision of one man in an office in a supermarket in Rotorua!!!

I'm mad!! I have followed this man all around the country for the last 13yrs of our marriage so he can persue his dreams. The whole reason we have this shop is because HE wanted it, not me! And now that he's bored of it he's thrown his toys out of the cot and followed another idea. Leaving me to pick up the pieces.

What will happen to my ambo work?? I really don't know! I finally found a passion. For years and years I sat at home without a passion, no reason to wake up in the morning. Then I stumbled across something that made me feel like I was useful. Now I may have to throw it all away.

Put your foot down and say NO! you say?? Do you not think I have tried that? My husband is a very stubborn man!

What do I do now?? Not much I can do that I haven't already tried. My hands are tied and I'M PISSED OFF!!!

Thankyou letter

Another 400g gone this week. Definately not complaining about this one, given I did indulge in a little bit of chocolate over Easter. Not huge amounts tho. What I did find was that the 4 or 5 easter eggs made me cave in to other temptations.

I'm definately an all or nothing personality, so when I slip up in one area I find it hard to keep tracking my food and stay OP. I know all the theory behind this and did manage to stay ontrack ... just. I guess my focus was gone this week.

But that's all good because this is the first day of a brand new tracking week for me and I managed to squeeze in with a loss. So what am I actually complaining about?? lol Not actually sure. Guess I need to refocus my motivation and give myself a kick up the butt and be grateful the scales were nice for the few indescretions.

Onto other news...

The shop was crazy busy over Easter! It was our biggest Easter yet, one day we were up by over $2000 for the day (compared to Easter Saturday last year). That definately helps ... ohh except for the fact that Bill paid $3000 to the wrong person last night on internet banking!!! A big $3000 whoopsie!!! The stupid bank wouldn't help us because we couldn't tell them our phone pin number! And of course he had to pay another $3000 to the CORRECT person ... I tell ya sometimes I think that man is a natural blonde under that dark cover!!

Ambulance has also be crazy busy over easter with so many people here at the beach. No major catastrophe stuff which is good. Been doing study this week (for my Nat Cert in Ambulance) on irregular heart rhythms and then recognised an odd ecg rhythm strip on a job and was able to query what heart condition she had. Very cool feeling to have my study actually come together on a job.

There was a letter this morning in the local paper from a patient I took to hospital (well it was the mother of the 18mth old patient) ... rather than reword it I'll type it in here for you ...

Volunteers' effort a priceless asset ...

This letter is dedicated to all the mainly volunteers who work for organisations who assist people within the Waihi area.

Our son has a severe condition where quick response from a doctor and St John is essential.

We are highly impressed and very thankful for the unselfish effort the people of Waihi/Waihi Beach put into this mainly volunteer work.

We were recommended to move closer to the hospital but we think we are better off living in Waihi where midical first aid is extremely professional, quick and effective.

Thankyou all very much to the people who support and help us.

A town is just as good as its inhabitants - Waihi rocks!!!

When people ask why I love ambulance so much .... this is why!!

See you can lose weight over Easter ...

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!

See? You can have easter eggs and lose weight!! Just do what this easter bunny is doing for 15mins prior to consumption This easter will be a pretty uneventful one for me. I'm doing an ambo shift today and working in the shop for the rest of it.


I heard an interesting thing on the radio yesterday from an obesity campaigner (preventing obesity in children). They said not to limit chocolate for kids over easter, infact feed them up on it if that's what they want. They had my attention with that statement! Because one or two days of eating chocolate is not going to make a huge difference in the big picture. It's the everyday treats that we should be trying to limit.


Very true!! Infact in my opinion if we don't give ourselves a little bit of chocolate every now and then I think as females we deprive our central nervous system ... and turn just stark raving mad!!! Well me anyway! Infact, I also heard on the radio yesterday (yes I was actually working, not just radio listening all day) that 33% of women feel they need chocolate every single day.
I don't think I'm quite like that, but certainly need it every now and then, just a little to keep those mad, crazy neutrons in my brain from exploding!


How bout you guys? Are you going to give in to the chocolate urge?

who needs a soap opera ...?

I'm very happy to report a 100g loss today. Much better than the horrid gain I thought I would have. It's just the kick start I needed.

Thankyou all so much for your wonderful comments. Blew me away with your support.

I'm still getting used to this new computer with it's little quirks, but we've come to be quite attached to eachother now. The first night the internet kept freezing and I got frustrated and closed it, giving it some abusive names.

I've since learnt it was infact the modem/internet that was playing up not my laptop. I had to apologise for the name calling. Must have worked because she's behaved well ever since.

Had to take Malachi (10) to the doctors yesterday. The school had rung up to say he was in the sick bay with a 'croupy' cough. I said to the office lady over the phone that I don't think it would be croup. Kids grow out of that around 5 or 6. He had it a couple of years ago and was considered very old for it then at aged 8.

I went down and picked him up anyway and on hearing his 'bark' cough had to admit to the lady that she may be right, it did sound like croup (damnit I had it when I'm wrong!! lol).

Sure enough the doc confirmed it ... a very surpising case of croup in a 10yr old. He had a really loud audible wheeze you could hear from over a metre away. Not much the doc could do as to give him steroids late in the day would mean him being up all night (makes them ultra alert).

So we hoped and prayed he wouldn't get worse overnight with the temperature drop. Gave him some panadol before bed and rang the ambulance crew on duty to prepare for a possible callout if he did worsen.

But surprisingly enough he slept through the night and seemed alot better this morning. So I think he's over the worst of it and managed to get better himself without any further medication.

Well that's my day's 'shortland street' episode.
Back to normality again ... touch wood!

Where would I be without you!!

TTOM finally turned up yesterday ... 6 days late!!! Yes! I thought I was pregnant, not what I needed this time in my life. I was secretly stressing out about it which just made it worse.

So I had two weeks of PMS and my hormones were sending my brain in a spin. Making everything seem so much worse than they actually were.

And then I had a call from my brother asking if he could have my (his) computer back. I had it on long term loan. He offered for me to buy it from him but this wasn't an option (it was a very high spec laptop, very expensive). Added to my raging hormones was the fact that I wasn't able to keep my feet on the ground in blogland.

It was amazing to me how much support I actually get and missed both from reading your blogs and updating on here. Without it I felt lost!

Consiquently my eating was just stupid. Which of course didn't help with my headspace. I felt like I was in a downward spin. Like a skydiver who had their parachute in a knot. I didn't know quite how to get myself out of it ...

Then .... yesterday ...

... my darling husband gave me a present ... my very own brand new laptop!!! Yay! I was so excited, my superman flying down to cut my parachute ropes and pull out my reserve!!

I'm very lucky to have the wonderful man I do!! Not that I'm a fickle female who can be bought with some gift. But it was the fact that he knew how much my blogging meant to me and how lost I seemed without it, that he went out of his way to make me happy.

I love you Bill!! Thankyou honey!!

Damn! Damn! Damn!

Bill bought me a lovely new charm to celebrate my 20kg loss mark ...

In his words it's 'graduating past 20kgs lost' ... graduation cap. I wore it with pride all week. Now I feel like a complete hypocrit because with fluid and my week before TTOM craving sugar, sugar, sugar ... lead to a 1.6kg gain this week ... BUGGER!!!

Not much else to say really... stupid teary hormones have started today too ... Sometimes it sucks being a woman!!!

I'm still here

Firstly ... THANKYOU all so much for you encouragement!! :)

Quick update to let everyone know I'm still alive. Too tired to do a proper update tonight, just got back from 7hrs continuesly on the road on ambo. My boss had to stand me down, to stop me collapsing!! Been all over the countryside!! I'm k..nackered!!

I'll pop back tomorrow when my brain is actually working...

Happier than a cat with 10 fish!!!

I was shocked to see a weight of 101.1kgs on the scales this morning ... I stood in stunned silence for a moment. My weight has been the same all week (if not slightly up) and thought I was going to have another 100g pathetic loss like last week ... but no!!! 

1.6kgs gone!!! And that means .......

... I'VE LOST 20KGS!!! Yabba Dabba dooooooo!!!!

No make that 21.5kgs I've lost!!! *big grins*

Sooo ... you know what else that means???  A new photo (finally) to put on my blog ...

Before ...

20kgs gone ...

Don't really like to skite but there's no one else I can skite to, so sorry guys ... I'm quite chuffed even if I do say so myself!!!

Hmmm ... now which charm to choose!!

What some positive words can achieve ...

Thanks for all your concern about Bill. It certainly was a shock at the time, but have since heard of others who have had similar things happen. Although we are still no closer to find out why, the doctor has told him he is fine to go back to work and carry on with life as normal.

No more incidents have happened since and he's feeling 100% better.  I'm at least content in that.

...

Had a very cute little 5yr old girl in the shop today.  Her mum and dad have an account with us.  She came up to the counter with a couple of iceblocks and nervously asked if she could put them on the account.  I looked out the window to catch mum's eye who was waiting in the car.  With her nod of approval I treated her like I do her much older sisters, asking her name, and then got chatting to her about what class she was in school and who her teacher was. We had a lovely chat together and she excitedly ran out of the shop skipping off to her mum's car, smile as wide as could be!

Next minute her mum came in and asked me if she asked to put the iceblocks on the account correctly. "Yep! She did really well"

"Ohhh she was so excited to be just like her older sisters and do it by herself... but she was worried tho. As she hoped out of the car to walk in here she was saying to herself 'I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!!' "

My face lit up ... how cute!! If only we could all positive self talk as innocently as this little 5yr old and acheive as much, despite the fear of walking through that door!!!

The magic 15%

My weight has been up and down all week. It seems this 20kg mark is going to be a hard wall to get through. But positive I can do this. I mean all I can do is stick to points, drink my water and keep my steps up ... after that whatever the scales decide to do is out of my hands.

Even though it doesn't feel like the scales are moving I have suddenly been overwhelmed with compliments from customers about my weightloss. It's funny how it all came in one week! With a year of doing ww and maybe only 1 or 2 comments from strangers all year and then this week I had 5 comments in 2 days!!! Very bizzare!

My cousin told me once about 5yrs ago that people never notice till around 15% weightloss. So? ... 122.6kg x 15% is 18.4kg loss ... well looky there!!

So those of you who are getting disheartened because no one is noticing ... hang on till that 15% mark ... seems it's true!

Day from hell!!

Sitting at home last night, dinner eaten, watching some tv, in uniform, waiting for the pager to go off ...

... Bill gets up to go into the kitchen ...

... BANG!!

... thinking he's dropped something or ... I don't know what ... I call out "Bill??!! ... Bill!!?? Hello??? Bill, what's happened??" .... nothing ... no reply ...

.. I go into the kitchen, expecting to see him jump out from behind the wall to give me a fright. In the darkness I see a figure lying on the ground!! Switched on the light to see Bill lying on the ground, motionless!!!!

"Bill!! Bill!!" I shout to him, shaking him, slapping his face, pulling his eyelids open! A few seconds later (what seemed like forever!!) He starts to stur. "what's going on??" By this stage I'm dialing 111.

"Hi, I'm on WaihiBeach1, I'm on duty for waihi beach and my husband has collapsed"
" Ohhh wow, ok so is he breathing?" came the reply.
"Yes, he's coming too now... ok he's now GCS of 11 or 12 (normal is 15, unconsious is 3).
Bill ... "what's happening?"
Lyn ... "I'm calling the ambulance"
Bill ... "What???!!!, NO!!! I just need to go to bed!! Let me go to bed!!"
Lyn ..."No way!!! With what you just did I'm calling the ambulance and you can't tell me otherwise!!!"
Bill ... "Comon!! Hang up, don't call the ambulance!! I just need bed"

Then next minute he goes unconsious again. Still on the phone to 111 I tell them what's happening. Take his pulse, give them the reading ... normal. Bill comes to again and we go over the same conversation again, him telling me I'm crazy, that no ambulance is coming here.

I choose to ignore him, still on the phone to 111. The guy I was speaking to was awesome. I think he could hear the panic in my voice and chatted to me, making me totally calm and offering to stay on the line with me till the ambulance arrived.

"Hang on! I better tell my partner that she is responding to my house!"

Bill gets up and starts walking to the couch, picking up things along the way, cleaning up, mumbling to himself about having to tidy the house if we have people coming. I tell him off, to lie down on the couch, to which he didn't react very well. He was clearly not impressed that I'd called an ambulance!! Next minute he's unconsious again on the couch! I tell 111. Then he stops breathing!!!! This is when I started to panic. Thoughts running through my head that I may be doing CPR on my husband real soon!!!!!!

Training kicked in and I rolled him on his side (he's not a small boy!!!) and he took a big breath of air! That was the biggest relief I've felt in a very long time!!!!!

The 'other crew' (not my ambulance) turned up and unbeknown to me my 'normal' ambulance partner was on there too. Ohh the relief when I saw her!!! She told me that she threw her uniform on and jumped on board when she heard it was Bill. Hmmm ... that's made me cry right now, didn't effect me till now! Knowing my ambo mates are there for me is a really cool feeling!!!

So in all we had 5 of us in uniform in our tiny lounge and just as well because Bill was very uncooperative, refusing to go to hospital!!! I tell ya! If that had happened to a bloke in the street I would have treated them the same as I did my husband.

My normal partner stepped into bossy, 'don't fuck with me' mode and I love her to bits for that!! Given his antiness at going to hospital and blazay attitude they got him in the ambulance!!! Thank God!!!

This happened 3mths ago and he refused trasport! He's had 2 other episodes this week of near faints in which I've rushed him up to the doctors. He's had two lots of blood tests to try and work out what's going on.

With him on his way to hospital I then sat down to think about the logistics of how I was going to deal with this. I had 4 kids sleeping ... ambulance duty to do tomorrow ... a shop to get open in the morning ... and a sick husband on his way to hospital ... with no one ... I suddenly felt very alone ... no one to call to help!!!

Rang the one friend I could call on here to help with the kids and her phone went to answerphone. 10.55pm was it too late to turn up on her doorstep???

Too bad!! I grabbed the kids in the car and drove to her house. Knocking on the door, her partner answered the knock. "Yes?" "Bill's been taken to hospital, can I get you to look after the kids so I can drive down there??"

silence ....

"Is Sandy there???"
"She's asleep right now!"
(I was getting pissed of about now)
"Can you get her up?? I need someone to look after the kids. I don't know where else to turn!!"
"Well I suppose you could leave them here"
"Great!!" I didn't need a second offer!!!

Tucking four kids in one double bed I explained I'll be back in the morning to pick them up and off I went to Tauranga hospital ... 45mins drive away.

Was trying so hard not to speed. I travel and 'normal' speed plenty of times with very sick patients in the back. Why did I need to speed so much now ... was a very bizarre feeling!!

Got to the hospital and for 4hrs we wait to be seen!!!!!!

Then by 3am I'm thinking I need to be home in bed, I have to open the shop in a few hours so I make the decision to drive home at 3.30am with no sleep. I had to concentrate so hard on the way home. Arrived there ... finally and flopped into bed after setting my alarm for 6.30am ... 2hrs!!

5.30am my mobile rings ... it's Bill ... they're not going to admit him, I have to drive down to Tauranga ... again!!! and pick him up!!!

Get there ... drive home ... arriving 7.03am, open the shop, pick up the kids, get them ready for school, off to school, sleep for 2hrs (in between calls on the mobile by concerned parties), awake at 11am, get ready for ambo (my ambo partner covered me for the first 6hrs after a 24hr shift!!), shower, give Bill a break (yep he's back in the shop after docs say nothing wrong with him!!!! grrr another matter), drive to the station, shift for 6hrs meeting the big CEO of St Johns for a 'chat!' not that I was in the mood for chatting!!! Home at 6pm ...


now I'm buggered!!!! Sometimes life is shit!!! Today is one of those days!!! Don't need anything else in my day!!

100g of boogers up there??

Well dag namit!! You wouldn't believe it would ya???

Soooooooooo close ... hmmm ... but no cigar!!

The scale flickered onto 102.6kgs, stayed for a few seconds and last minute jumped to 102.7kgs. I reweighed myself, sat on the loo (again), breathed in, blew my nose, even considered cutting some hair off!!! 100g loss this week ... 0.1kg off my goal of 20kgs in one year ... 19.9kgs lost (hmmm, doesn't quite have the same ring to it)

That's ok I guess, I'll still get to my 20kg loss mark, but it will have to be next week now!!

One celebration to have this week is that I did survive one whole year on weight watchers and still going strong!!

Just a little loss ... pleeeease???

I managed to resist all the temptations yesterday. But was disappointed to see my weight was up this morning. It's been up all week so I'm hoping for a miracle tomorrow morning at weigh in. I'm not greedy ... just a insy winsy little 200g loss is all I want. Is that too much to ask? At this stage I have no idea if I'll have a loss or a gain. I've been spot on points all week so if the scales do decide to show me a gain I know it was undeserved and I'm saying now I won't let it get to me. Of course that attitude may change when I actually see the figure! Haha!

Umm ... not sure what else there is to blog about. Not much else has been happening. Same old, same old ... working in the shop, working on ambulance, working, working, working. Not much time for anything else.

Bill and I are off to a wedding in Rotorua in March. I've managed to rearrange my ambulance shift for the weekend, get staff in the shop and get babysitters!! Yay!! Talk about organisation though!! We don't get many weekends away on our own so that will be lovely to finally get away. Infact now that I think about it, it's the first weekend away alone together in maybe a year?? Wow that long? Think we need it then!! :)

I'll be back tomorrow with results ... ohhhhh and if it's a 200g loss or more (here's hoping!!!) ... photos!!! Yep! My 20kg loss photos!!! Oooooooh!! Exciting! Then I can start shopping for my next charm! So hope I make it!!!

They're calling .. "eat me! eat me!"

Having a real down day today. I'm fortunate not to have too many of these (and no it's not TOM for me). Having to force myself not to emotionally eat.

I bought a Toblerone chocolate bar from the snack box at the station today. I spent a good few minutes going through each thing working out the best value for points, made my decision, put my money in the slot and then decided to have my lite yoghurt first. And just in the nick of time a friend offered me half of her sub sandwich thingy that she couldn't finish. At first I said no (don't like taking food from others) and she persuaded me to have it saying she was going to throw it away otherwise. So I reluctantly agreed. Lucky tho, because after that and the yoghurt I didn't need the chocolate anymore.

Now just have to get through the rest of the day ... ohh and tomorrow, oohh and the next day!! hahah!

Keep running ... you're nearly there!!

The scales were very nice to me this morning and kept my lowest weight from yesterday at 102.8kgs! A victory of 1.1kg loss this week .... yeeeeehaww!!!

I started the Wendie Plan around 6wks ago now and it's certainly working for me, giving me some nice losses.

So I just now have to lose 200g this next week to make my mini challenge of 20kgs lost in one year.

Just don't blow it Lyn!!!

The weighting game ...

Spent the day getting a warrant of fitness and service for my ambulance today. It took 11hrs!!! I ended up doing a milk run on the way back dropping off this and that, picking up this and that ... 7.30pm tonight I finally got home!!

Had a cool little moment at Ambulance Head Quarters ... the Paramedic that helped me on the spinal job I did last week walked in (without me noticing) and said in a loud voice to everyone "Ahhh, here's the best ambulance officer in Waihi Beach!!!" I smiled and chuckled quietly. Very 'feel cool moment'

Had an all time low weight on the scales this morning ... who knows what tomorrows weighin will bring. I've been OP all week but yesterday the scales were up 1.5kgs and today all time low. Hopefully they will stay low, but really don't know.

The Regional Support Officer came to the station the other day (my station managers boss) and said he'd heard about my job application and said I needed another patch on my arm before I could be considered for any job. He asked me if I was still enrolled to do 'nat cert' (next qualification) to which I replied yes. And he said "well wait until you've done that and then you can look at getting a paid position". At first I was pissed off but after thinking a bit about his response, took it as a compliment. Basically he said in short ... it's nothing against me 'when' I don't get the job, but it's purely that I don't have enough qualifications. I've since been told that St John has signed a contract with the DHB (district health board) that they will have an AO (ambulance officer qualification - 1 level above me) on every ambulance. Hence why they asked for that level in the job vacancy advert.

So at the end of the day I would love to prove him wrong and get the job, but won't take it personally if I don't get it. Simple case of wait and see what happens ... much like the scale results tomorrow ...