I've started reading a journal of a girl that has lost over 66kg ... an amazing achievement. Infact I've been reading her journal for awhile but yesterday I went back to her first 6mths worth of entries. In reading them it brought back a whole lot of memories for me. Memories of feeling discusted with myself, of self worthlessness, of shame, of feeling like the big picture of all this weight I had to lose was just too much to comtemplate. And here I am only a few hundred grams from goal. Some days it still feels like it's too hard. Yet I see how much I have changed. Not just my body but my whole outlook on life.
Back when I was 107.4kg I used to ...
Look around the room to see if I was the biggest person in the room (and usually I was) Feel jealous of anyone that was slimmer than me Hide in my house and not go out for weeks on end for fear of being humiliated Wear black everyday in the hope to hide some amount of fat Put my arms around my waist when someone looked me up and down presuming they thought I was fat!
I've have now morphed into a person that ...
Proudly walks in a room with nothing to hide Feels confident around anyone, regardless of what size they are Goes out everyday and wakes up excited about what I'm going to wear today Wears all colours and loves to mix and match my wardrobe to see what new combination I can come up with Has started to realise than when someone looks me up and down, it's not because of my fat but because I am now a beautiful creature!!
That last statement may seem very "full of myself" but from where I have come from, from the low self esteem I once had, it is a testiment that no matter how low you feel, how little you think of yourself, no matter how much weight you have to lose ... there is a posibility (and a very feasible one) that it can all change around to something very sweet ... with time and persistance!
Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg
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