That soup might = gain

Weigh in tonight and I guess it's become so inground into my psychi to want a loss that when I stepped on the scales this morning and saw a "stay the same" or slight gain that I was really disappointed. Then after analysing it realised that infact this is the exact result I need this week. Of course this isn't an acurate result nor an official one. The ww scales tonight could show a whole different story.

We went out for dinner with some friends of ours on Saturday night to a smorgasboard. Those places are evil!! lol ... I had my plan ready with 12pts left to use and 3.5pts in the bank. And I thought I did ok pointing everything out but you can never REALLY tell what the points are. Take for example the seafood soup. It looked watery based, rather than creamy based, so I considered it to be a good choice. But on tasting it there was a rather strong flavour of butter in there. I couldn't see any fat floating on the surface so I really didn't know how to count that one. It could be anything from 2pts to 22pts!! who knows?? For the main meal I had all salady things with a small spoonful of potato salad and two roast kumera pieces. Then for dessert I had a plate of fruit salad and the tiniest slice of decadant biscotti/cream/chocolate slice (like only a 1.5cm slice... I measured it alright?? lol) But the fruit salad could have had sugar in it ... who knows?? There's just no way of acurately pointing out a meal like that. So can I fix it? No. Can I change it? No. Can I get over it and move on? YES!! That's what I'm going to do!

So if I do happen to stumble across a gain tonight I'm blaming it on the seafood soup and fruit salad!! lol I've stuck to my points all week and done a whole heap of exercise. TOM could have something to do with tonight's result too. But that's a whole nother thing to confuse things.

Had a guy come into the shop yesterday and the two girls I was working with were giggling after he walked out of the shop. "he was hitting on you" they tried to tell me! Yeah right?? Whatever! "Didn't he say he'd be back for another icecream tomorrow?" They asked. Yeah. But they got the shock of their lives when I told them I used to go to school with him and he was one of the bullies that used to tease me. Another fine moment of sweet revenge ... heheh

Well that's about all the happenings round here. I'll be back later tonight with my weighin results.

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 70.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

It's over

The plan was for the three of us to meet at our house at 9am on the dot and to pick up number 4 on the way. We had to be back by 4pm (so Bill could go to the shop) so time was of the essence.

Got a call from friend number 1 to say she had to be late, had some personal things to sort out first. Eventually we had everyone in the car at 10.50am ... a little late but hey we were on our way!!

Got to Tauranga just before lunch so grabbed a bite to eat at Burger King ... yeah, yeah I know, sounds bad but they actually have some pretty low fat stuff there now ... impressive or so I thought!! Had a low fat spicy chicken baquette and side salad with a bottle of water ...

I just checked BK's website and their SO CALLED LOW FAT chicken baquette has 13.8g of FAT!!!! How can that possibly be low fat!!!! I'm horrified!! 8pts!!! Spose it's better than a BK Whopper at 37.6g of fat and 13.5pts!!! But I really hate choosing what I think is a low fat alternative and finding out later it wasn't actually low fat! Lucky I haven't had dinner yet so I can compensate.

Then we set off to get our piercings done. Finally getting up the courage to walk in only to be told the guy who does it wasn't in today!!! Argggghhh!!!

We knew there was another place down the street so off we went only to find out they didn't do them today either!! Ohhh noooo!!

He seemed to think their other branch 5mins drive away did them today so we made him ring through to check and he promised if they didn't we could watch him throw things at himself... that would have been a few laughs.

Sure enough they did so we booked in an appointment and off we went.

I told the girls on the way that I wanted to go first so I wouldn't chicken out and as I walked into the room and saw the big black chair and all the torture tools I got a bad case of nerves and said they could go first!! lol ... common sence quickly set in and I was lying on that horrible chair before my nerves could tell me to run a mile!!

Lucky the lady told me to take a big breath in and out making me concentrate on something else... then all I knew was I was letting out a humungous OOOOUUUUCHHHH!!!!! No petite feminine squeal or scream but a superman butch YEEEOUWCCCHHH!!! LOL And before I knew it ... it was over and everyone was ooohhhing and arrrhhhing like a mother giving birth to a beautiful baby!!!

Next it was my friends turn to get her nose piercing done. She lay in the chair all confident ... but watching that needle struggle it's way through her nostal and seeing her yell in pain and eyes water made me relieved I went first. I definately would have chickened out if I was made to see that!!!

We grabbed a few things at the supermarket ... all my salady things for the week, bought a Wendy's lowfat chocolo icecream then made our way home... reliving and talking about each of our experiences all the way home!!

We had a great time and I'm home now whimpering over my wound! lol but very proud all at the same time!! Jese's comment on sighting my new attirement was "eeeewwww" LOL!

Here's the evidence ... I DID IT!!! My medal for 2yrs of hard work!

Karen... I have to leave this one in for 3 - 5mths till it properly heals then I can change it over to the one Bill gave me ... just enough time to get to personal goal I think ... whadya reckon??

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 70.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

The pain we put ourselves through

D Day is here!! I haven't thought about the pain I'm about to put myself through .... TILL NOW!!!! What the heck have I got myself into??? lol

Today I get my belly button pierced ... excited & nervous all in one. I'm dragging 3 friends along with me to make sure I actually go ahead with it ... sure I will ... but ouuuuuch!!! lol

I've done 3 days in a row on 24pts but also upped my exercise ... ya know, just in case my body wants to store the extra points as fat ... do I sound like I don't trust ww?? lol ... ohhh I do ... but, ok I'm still having a few doubts about eating so many points. I gotta get over myself and just trust them. I've done it tho ... eaten all my points.

My friend and I left our kids with the hubbies and took off for a hike over the hill to the next bay yesterday. Beautiful walk!! 40mins each way and worth every step of it... our little hearts got a good workout too!! Although I did notice how it was easier than last time I did the same walk (at 15kgs heavier). Spent an hour at the beach over there with a picnic lunch and then came back, met the guys and kids at the beach and went for a swim. Then home for dinner ... I reckon 5 or 6pts earnt ... success!!

BBQ dinner and no alcohol ... more success. Bill came in late last night(after the two hubbies had been out night fishing) with crackers and camenbergh (sp) .... yummmy ... ohh I so wanted some, but I'd already had dinner and dessert ... I shocked everyone and threw one in my mouth anyway. They all looked at me stunned because I was saying it was such a naughty food, that there was no way I was having any. I quickly ran away to find out the points I had just consumed in about 2 seconds flat. They guessed it at 2-2.5pts (FOR ONE CRACKER AND CHEESE?? comon ...) But wrong!! (lucky for me) 1pt ... half a point for the cracker and half a point for the slice of cheese. Anyway I'm rambling here ... point is I had a good night, ate all my points and didn't go over.

So wish me luck for today ... I'm charging my PXT phone now to take lots of photos ... hopefully they won't be too blurry.

I'm outa here!! Byyyyyeeeee!
Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 70.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

THANKYOU!!!

What an emotional two days!!! I've been floating round like a zombie with it finally actually sinking in that "OH MY GOSH, I DON'T HAVE TO LOSE ANY MORE WEIGHT!!" I've been doing this for so long that to actually realise that I have made it still is alittle unbelieveable.

I think I may have mentioned this before ... I am not an emotional person, well emotional yes but I don't cry easily. But it took me quite a few HOURS to read through all your mindblowing comments, because I kept having to stop for the tears rolling down my face. I got very emotional from your honesty. I was so shocked at (not the number of people, because my counter told me I got that many hits a day) but by the amount of people from all over the world that read what I have to say EVERYDAY!! I kinda just thought that most of my readers were passing through. But it makes it all the more special to know you are all there supporting me. I think it's the cups of coffee that does it for me ... lol ... I'm a "cup of coffee" website, like I'm part of your daily routines ... now that's cool!!! lol

I'm going to save a copy of your entries as a backup (incase some aliens come and steal my website away) I had this huge grin on my face the whole way down the page reading what each one of you said... truelly blew my mind!!

I'll leave the guestbook there for anyone else who wants to sign it.

Another moment of specialness ... at my ww meeting ... the moment of stepping on those scales. I knew I was in for a loss but I really didn't know of what size. And didn't want to get my hopes up that it was more than the 600g needed to reach goal. People were asking me as I stood in line "ya think you'll make it tonight?" I really didn't know. My weigher was so cute ... she was so nervous for me lol... then when I saw those magical numbers appear "70.6" I squeeled "I DID IT!!!" and the whole room burst into shouts of glee and clapping. My weigher jumped up and gave me a huge hug, the leader ran over, hugged me and presented me with a shiny red bag ... a bottle of wine! How exciting is that???

I had invited a friend over for drinks after weighin. I told her be at my house with alcohol!! lol I'll either be celebrating or commisorating ... either way it'll be fun! So when I drove in the driveway she came running out to hear the news ... when she saw my shiny red bag she knew!! "you did it!!!" "yes I made it!!!" and hugs and squeals started again lol.

I ran upstairs, put everything down and apologised to her that I had something I needed to do ... to go down to the computer and update my website NOW!! She knew how important it was to me to share my news with you guys. It was honestly the very first thing I wanted to do when I walked in the door.

By then Bill arrived home from work with dinner ... a hawaiin burger and two pineapple fritters! My absolute favourite yet no-no foods. And I enjoyed every tiny little mouthful as I nibbled away like a little mouse trying to make the moment last as long as I could... devine!! But yet the saying is still true ... as delicous as it was ... being at goal felt even BETTER!!!

It was only one kilo from last week but I suddenly feel so much slimmer now. I don't see any tweaking needed anymore. I'm currently sitting in my bikini at 8.10am because I feel confident to do so. I don't think I was there last week. I had my head down, butt up and all I thought about all day was tracking, water, exercise, get to goal, get to goal!!! It's like now I can suddenly put my head up and enjoy the moment! It's ok I won't be silly with it ... that wonderful pineapple fritter was just a treat, it won't become my daily bread lol.

So the three of us sat on the deck and chatted the night away (ohh and had a couple of drinks too) Around midnight I decided to declare to the world that "I MADE GOAL, I'M AT GOAL, AND I'M A DAMN SEXY CREATURE!!" By shouting it at the top of my lungs, you know with the whole arms flung in the air thing. LOL ... Everyone was cracking up laughing (the things we do with a little alcohol)

I enjoyed my night of success, I smiled from ear to ear all night!!

I'm off on Friday to get my belly button pierced! We're making a girly day of it. I'm taking two friends with me who both want to get piercings done (one her nose, the other her tongue) ... it'll be so much fun!!! I'll have some pics to show on Friday!!

Then yesterday it was back into it! I got out my maintenance book 1. Then a sentence punched me in the face and scared the heck outa me!! "you will now be on 24pts per day" There is no way I could eat 24pts and stay the same weight! Although my leader says she eats 25-28pts per day and she's as slim as they come. It honestly still scares me ... I've been on 20pts for nearly the last 2yrs. My head agrees with it and I will use the 24pts because everything else ww has said for me has worked so why doubt it now? I'll take it bit by bit and see how it goes. If I have a little gain this next week I'll know to drop it down a little.

So my first day yesterday on maintenance I finished on 23pts ... pretty happy with that. And I earnt a few bonus points ... Bill and I got a babysitter in and went out for a guided sunset, moonrise 2hr kayaking trip up the mangrove waterways ... was quite funny I wanted to row real quick (of course to earn more bonus points) and Bill kept telling me to stop rowing and enjoy the moment of tranquility ... no but there's bonus points to be earnt here ... have to get my heartrate up!! lol ... in the end he banned me from touching my paddle "ah NO, DON'T TOUCH, NO! DON'T YOU DARE, leave it! uh! NO" filled the silent air as I tried to sneak in a few paddles. In the end I gave up and did situps in the kayak!! lol I tell ya I'm pumped!!! I'm so motivated again. Even tho I'm only supposed to be maintaining right now I think it's the change of program that has spurred me on again ... and of course reading all your wonderful words ;)

Something Argy said (infact I had many lightbulb moments reading all your feedback) about there being a difference in my face and eyes between the two photos ... and you're exactly right!!! I hated cameras in my fat days ... infact I refused to have a photo taken of me unless I really felt it really necesary. Hence I don't have many before photos. And when I did relent to have a picture taken I ALWAYS had my mouth closed, smiling but mouth closed. Don't really know why, think it's a pretection thing, an insecurity thing, like I didn't want anyone to say anything about me, I had walls up before the photo was even taken. I have no walls up now ... I'm me and I LOVE ME!! Eyes sparkling and mouth wide open! lol

So I'm now onto the next chapter of this tale ... another page turned but it's far from over ... I still have a lot of work ahead of me!! Maintaining is a big scarey thing for me. I've done it before and failed. I lost 40kgs over 10yrs ago and only kept it off for 6mths to a year ... this time I'm prepared ... this time I'm planned and motivated ... this time I have you guys to kick me up the butt if I don't ... deal??

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 70.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

No words can describe!!

Tonight on the twenty fourth of January, 2005

I MADE GOAL!!!!!

Here is my surprise ... my size 10 gown bought by Bill on my birthday and photographed professionally by Janice van Huenen (thankyou Janice)

I have daydreamed of this day and of what I could say but to tell you the truth at this moment in time I am lost for words. Instead I'll show you these pics and enjoy the bottle of wine my wonderful weight watchers leader bought me tonight.

749 days ago I looked like this!!

WOW WHAT A JOURNEY IT HAS BEEN!!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 70.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Big IF's

One more day to go before weighin. I really don't know what to think about the pending result. My home scales say a small loss, but they are those stupid scales that only go in 1kg incriments and if you lean to one side you can make yourself lose another kg!! lol

I honestly can say I have tried my very hardest this week! I have walked to and from work 3 days, have limited my lolly eating and counted them in my points, drunk all my water, kept within points and saved up 16pts to help pay for my blowout last Monday ... oh yeah that's right ... last Monday. See that's why I really don't know how ít's all going to go. All those kilojoules from last monday might suddenly decide to jump on my hips tonight in my sleep! You just never can tell.

Can you tell I'm a little aprehensive about this weighin?? I'm not stressing don't worry bout that, but I just so want to get there. Like Lynda said it's only a few pathetic hundred grams and it's only numbers but there's nothing like the satisfaction of ticking it off and saying Yeah I did it ... not yeah I nearly did it, almost made it, not quite. Besides I want to show you guys my surprise and I can't until I get to goal. See? you'd all forgotten about it huh?

And remember ... if I do make goal ... a BIG IF!!! ... I'll have a special guestbook I want you all to sign ... silent and "loud" readers alike(heheh I didn't know what else to call you non-silent readers) .... k??? is that a deal?? please?? I know there's 200 of you different people out there that read this joural everyday and I would absolutley love it if you call all sign my special "got-to-goal-guestbook" ... but only IF I get there ... tomorrow ... hopefully ... damn I better, I worked damn hard this week to get there ...

Ok I'll sign off here before this entry becomes a novel.

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Masterpiece in the making

I've started reading a journal of a girl that has lost over 66kg ... an amazing achievement. Infact I've been reading her journal for awhile but yesterday I went back to her first 6mths worth of entries. In reading them it brought back a whole lot of memories for me. Memories of feeling discusted with myself, of self worthlessness, of shame, of feeling like the big picture of all this weight I had to lose was just too much to comtemplate. And here I am only a few hundred grams from goal. Some days it still feels like it's too hard. Yet I see how much I have changed. Not just my body but my whole outlook on life.

Back when I was 107.4kg I used to ...

Look around the room to see if I was the biggest person in the room (and usually I was)

Feel jealous of anyone that was slimmer than me

Hide in my house and not go out for weeks on end for fear of being humiliated

Wear black everyday in the hope to hide some amount of fat

Put my arms around my waist when someone looked me up and down presuming they thought I was fat!

I've have now morphed into a person that ...

Proudly walks in a room with nothing to hide

Feels confident around anyone, regardless of what size they are

Goes out everyday and wakes up excited about what I'm going to wear today

Wears all colours and loves to mix and match my wardrobe to see what new combination I can come up with

Has started to realise than when someone looks me up and down, it's not because of my fat but because I am now a beautiful creature!!

That last statement may seem very "full of myself" but from where I have come from, from the low self esteem I once had, it is a testiment that no matter how low you feel, how little you think of yourself, no matter how much weight you have to lose ... there is a posibility (and a very feasible one) that it can all change around to something very sweet ... with time and persistance!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

They missed out on hungi

I'm feeling much more positive today. I'm ready to kick butt again. I don't know how many times I have to go through this up/down cycle! lol! It's the same everytime ... I have a gain, bury my head in the sand, decide that's it ... it's too hard ... then tell myself to stop being so stupid and get back to it, then bounce back again.

Monday night after weighin I had a friend staying with us. I was angry about my weighin result, so I bought a bottle of Bicardi and took it home for everyone to share. Part of it was "I'm so pissed off, I don't care about points, I'm going to have some fun" and the other part was saying "hey I've done well, I'll just have a couple of drinks to celebrate"

Well a couple of drinks ended up meaning between the two of us, my friend and I (Bill was drinking beer) We finished the bottle!!! The next day I was so disappointed in myself. I guestimated it at around 20pts for the alcohol alone (thank goodness I had it with diet coke) ... I gave up counting all my points for that day.

Then I went into the whole cycle of thinking I'm only going to be able to have 16pts each day to make up for it, now I've blown it again for next weighin. After an hour or so I gave myself a good telling off and realised today is another day. Yesterday can't be changed so I'm just going to get right back to it and forget about my points for yesterday.

And that's what I've done. My weight was up both Monday and Tuesday but today it's dropped back down again. I've drunken bucketloads of water for the past two days with the dehydration from all that alcohol and diet coke.

I tell ya ... I've been good ... no you don't totally understand ... I've been reeeeally good!! Like get this ... everyone has fruit salad and icecream for lunch and I make a salad & tuna for myself. Then everyone gets a hungi for dinner (I know hungi's aren't too bad but I'm trying to cut out starchy carbs (pototoes and kumeras) out of my dinner meal. But I went home and made myself another salad/smoked salmon/zuchinis & garlic/sweet corn. Funny thing was they stood in queue for over an hour, got to 3 people infront of them and they'd run out of hungi!!! LOL!!! So they came home hungry! HAHAHAH!! I know I'm mean! LOL Fish and chips was eaten instead while I enjoyed my huge healthy feast of only 3pts!!

I even walked to work and back (after being offered rides both ways!) I reckon if someone offers to take you somewhere yet you turn them down and STILL walk that you should be able to earn double the points!!! Or if you turn down food and eat something healthy that it should be worth half the points ... whatya reckon? Might approach Weight watchers on that one!! hehehe

So I am giving this 100% and getting this 600g off my butt finally ... for good!!

The retail therapy did wonders!!! I bought quite a few tops and shorts and they were ALL size 12! (I'm mostly a 12 but sometimes a 10, sometimes a 14) But it was 12 all the way that day ... yeah baby!!!

When I get a chance I'll get Bill to take some pics.

Well we're off to my mum and dad's today. It's a sad and exciting day all in one. We're going to the auction of their farm. The one I grew up on, spent my life climbing trees, making huts, crawling through the maze paddocks, creating mazes in the haybarn. So it's very sad in that fact but a relief to finally see mum and dad retire and stop working. They're both in their 60's and still milking cows night and morning. They're both showing the stress of still working. We've been trying to talk them into selling for years and finally they've agreed to it. So all the buildup of open homes and bidders registering and talking prices ... has finally led up to today ... the big auction.

Hopefully they get the price they want ... no I want them to get much more than the price they want!!

I'll letcha know how it goes!
Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Grrrrr ... how frustrating!!!

No I didn't make goal ... again!!! Infact my stupid body gave me a 100g gain this week!!!

Feeling rather pissed off about it actually. This week was our 10th wedding anniversary and I sacrificed going out for dinner or having any wine just so I could get to goal! I stayed within points all week!! The only little thing I did wrong was had a few drinks at a friends BBQ but certainly well within my points .... arrrgghhh ... this is soooo frustrating!!!!

I know it's on a pathetic 100g gain but it is just soooo hard to get these last few grams off!!!

Well I'll sign off for now ... I'm off to do some kidless retail therapy with a friend ... that should kill the blues ;)

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Thankyous

Sharing this journey with you guys has made this so much more exciting for me! It's wonderful to have a place I can come to share my excitement with a fantastic bunch of ladies!! (and a couple of silent men readers maybe... heheh!!)

In the 'real world' (although sometimes this place is more real than reality is lol) I don't gloat about my weightloss. Infact don't mention it at all (other than with Bill) unless I get asked specifically about it. So it makes it all the more special to get encouragement and loving comments from you guys.

Paulene ... your words "I feel so excited it's almost like it's happened to me. Thanks for the boost I needed today!" really hit home to me and gave a true essence of what our journal entries mean to eachother. It's so true ... when I log on to each of your journals it's like I am travelling your road hoping you achieve your goals. And when you do it's just so exciting!!

Lynda ... You have been like my online mum! Always keeping me in check and giving such wise advice, in such a loving way! I have set up processes this time that will keep me in check. The main thing being I will keep going to weightwatchers, even after reaching goal. Bill and I talked about this the other day. I will keep going weekly until I get to my personal goal of 65kg or once I have decided I have gone low enough (possibly around 68kg or so)... then change my meetings to monthly. But I think that's the key to maintaining this weightloss ... keep a check on things, go to the meeting once a month to keep that focus. So yes I WILL keep the weight off this time ... that's a definate!!!

And for those of you who are curious ... once I get to goal, yes I will keep this website going. Getting to goal is only half the journey, keeping it off is the hardest bit. And for me that will be a lifetime journey.

Janine ... Yes I did consider getting my belly button peirced while in Auckland but I did say to myself I would wait till goal for that. So I'm going to be true to myself and wait lol.

Leigh ... awww my sweetie!! You are so right ... I am happy ... I'm content in myself. First time in many, many years. I used to continually compare myself to others. I never felt good enough for anyone. But in the last 6mths I am happy in my own skin. I don't feel like hiding anymore! And I don't to the comparing thing. I think the dairy has helped with that also. With making conversation all day everyday with customers I've become more confident around people, especially one on one.

Jackie ... Thankyou for your kind words and believe me I'll have every limb, toe and finger crossed at next weighin!! lol

Karen ... I think I've mentioned this before but I used to HATE shopping (with a vengence!!) It was a depressing experience everytime. I think it was all the mirrors and not being able to find anything I liked in my size. You know how I mentioned that I always thought the shop mirrors made me look bigger than I actually was? Well on my birthday I'm sure the mirrors made me look smaller. lol I was still suspicious lol ...I thought to myself "I bet the shops have installed mirrors that make you look skinny so everyone buys their clothes!" Eternal skeptic! lol

Argy ... That's ok ... I didn't give much notice about it. And yes I do receive belated wishes ... hang on, the door bell just rang ... oh wow it was your belated wishes just arriving now ... thankyou so much!!! :)

Beckie ... Thanks for the hugs... and suprise, surprise your birthday wishes were bundled up with Argy's at the door ... wow what a cool day is this?!! Size 10 still doesn't feel real yet and probably won't for a little bit. Takes a while for our brains image to catch up to our actual. But I'm getting there :)

And I know there are many, many more of you silent readers out there (yes I know you're there! lol) because I had over 500 hits in one day on my website yesterday from 200 unique readers :) And you thought you could hide didn't you!! lol ... But what I actually wanted to say was that even tho I don't get comments from 200 people I know you are all with me in heart and that means so much to me. The fact that on average each person logged on over 2 times in the day to wait for the news means so much!!! Oh my gosh I'm getting myself all emotional now!! lol YOU GUYS MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!!!!!! Ok I gotta log off now before I start to cry!!

When I finally get to goal (sometime this year lol) I'm going to set up a special guestbook for everyone here to sign as a special momento I can keep. And I would love it if all you silent readers would sign it to. That would just be the coolest!! I'll have a link on here on the day I reach goal ... don't worry, you won't miss it :)

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.5kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

The anticipation is killing me!

I know, I know ... you're all waiting! :) Sorry this is the first chance I've had to do an update...

Ok I'm filled with mixed emotions today. I did everything exactly right this last week in attempt to make it to goal ... but alas it eludes me yet again .... grrrrr!!!

I missed out by 500g! I lost 600g bringing me down to 71.5kg ... so close yet so far!!

I can't show you all my surprise yet because I promised myself I wouldn't put it up here till I got to goal. And since that didn't happen at weighin it will have to wait for next week. Sorry!! :)

But I will let you all know what it is... you just can't see it yet. Yes Paulene... you were right lol. Bill shouted me a new wardrobe ... $500 worth of clothes. I was spoilt rotten yesterday. We left home at 7.30am and drove to Auckland. Arriving at Botany Downs Mall by 9am. Bill took Jese and left me on my own to shop to my hearts content. I had one specific outfit I wanted to find ... for ... wait for it ... a makeover photo session with my friend who's the professional photographer ... yes that's the surprise I want to share with you all.

And find the dress I did ... get this ... it's a size 10!! AND ... it was on sale reduced from $160 down to $50!!!! How cool is that?? And I loved it on, made me feel like a queen!!

I also got a dress and jeans, 3 quarter pants, a sparkly evening top, a fitted cardy and lots of t-shirts. Talk about spoilt!!! After spending 3hrs shopping we headed off to my friend's house where I posed, and strutted my stuff :) Then headed home at 3pm intime to get to weighin at 5.30pm.

When we got back friend's of ours called in to say hi, so we invited them over for a few drinks. We spent the evening playing Cranium. Fantastic game if anyone likes a good boardgame!

I can't remember what time we eventually headed off to bed but it was definately after midnight. Apparently at some stage I came downstairs, hopped in my pyjamas and went back upstairs and sat down again ... lol... I didn't mean it as a hint lol ... but everyone decided at that stage that it must be time to head off home! I had a fantastic day and flopped into bed exhausted and rather drunk ... heheh

Well I just came home to get this update done for you guys ... so I'd better head back to work!

Thankyou all so much for your birthday wishes!!! Was very cool coming on here to read them all! Thankyou!!!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.5kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

You sexy thang!!!

I have a big surprise waiting for you guys next week. Can't tell you anymore than that, but it's in the planning now.

I've put a comments link below so you can talk to your hearts content and tell me whatever you wish without being told you're "too wordy" (allows up to 1000 characters, that's alot of typing!!) By having this link all the comments about each entry stays with that entry. Then when readers are going through old entries they can see what you wrote about that day. Unlike the tagboard the comments don't drop off the bottom after a certain time, gone forever into cyberspace. They're there for good. I'm excited about finally getting a setup that works.

Bill said something real sweet to me last night. I'm very spoilt to have such a generous verbally complimenting guy!! He said "You know you are the total package!! You have a fantastic personality, you can cook AND you have the hottest body on the beach!!!" Awww, aint he sweet?? I really didn't know how to respond to that one.

Well I got up the courage to do it! I packed up all my clothes that were too big for me and put them in a big box. 90% of my wardrobe is gone! lol I never wore them anyway so it's a good feeling to have the cleanout.

I got remembering this morning while throwing out my old clothes. I couldn't resist trying some of them on. Quite a few of them have the seams splitting on the sides where they were so tight on me that the material couldn't cope holding in my lard. Some had buttons popped off where the pressure was too tight. And today I could pull them on without undoing any zips or buttons and they literally hung off me and fell off in some cases. As I put on each outfit I would remember situations and feelings I used to experience. Feelings of insecurity, paranoia and wanting to hide. I used to choose clothes because they made me look fractionally smaller than the huge size I was. I chose them because they covered up some roll. I chose them because they fitted. I chose them because there was nothing else to choose from.

At the end I realised I hated all those clothes. I've never liked my wardrobe because it just fitted the purpose of covering my body... that's it. And I never liked what I saw. I was always sure the shop mirrors made me look larger than I actually was. I wore those clothes because others told me the colour looked good on me (not that I looked good in them) and looking back I didn't look good in them.

Clothing for me now is a whole different emotion. I want to look good everyday! I only wear tops that hug my waistline, show off my body. I wear clothes because I feel secure in my body, secure in how I look. When I walk down the road I walk with my shoulders back, boobs out, butt out and tummy in. Not because I've thought about that but that's just what's happened slowly over two years of metamorphasis. When I walk past a shop window I gaze approvingly at my figure. Sometimes it must seem vain for onlookers but I have the right to stare. I'm making up for all those years I avoided any reflection of myself. And finally after two years ... I LIKE WHAT I SEE!!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 72.1kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

The clothes have gotta go

Another day ontrack and within points. I ate a few too many lollies yesterday but compensated with a light low point dinner so saved my ass ... just! lol

Weighed myself this morning and my weight is still the same... damn!! Incredibly frustrating when you are really good yet the numbers don't drop. I know they probably will by weighin day (monday) but I so feel like I deserve them to go down NOW!! lol

On the good side my pants are feeling baggier today. I desperately need to go shopping again and buy some more clothes. I only have about 4 sets of clothes the look good and fit at the moment. And a wardrobe full of hessian sacks!! lol ... I really should give them all away but I'm a bit scared to just yet. Maybe I'll do that as a celebration thing when I finally get to goal.

Well that's about all that's happening around here today.

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 72.1kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Back ontrack

It's amazing what one day back ontrack does to your confidence. I feel on top of the world again ... like I can really do this!!

I did everything perfect yesterday ... tracked everything, ate well, ate my fruit, drank my water, ate no lollies, no alcohol and exercised! Even saved 3 points at the end of the day. Wahooo!!

When I'm not tracking everything feels out of my control. Like I have no choice but to gain weight. I'm like a thick brick sometimes. I know what's right and what I should be doing but I get stubborn and lazy and stop tracking then slowly everything else starts crumbling. Tracking is truelly the secret to weightloss.

I had a cool moment yesterday. One of our staff saw my before photo. She had never known I was big before. She thought I was always this size. The photo blew her away and she said if I can lose weight so can she. So she's decided after hearing what I've done that she's going to start losing weight too.!! Now that's what this is all about. You don't need fancy words or lectures to inspire others ... you just need to show them with what youre doing and they will see in your actions and results. I feel like I've made a difference and that feels great!

I have a few hours off this morning so might take the time to go for a walk down the beach. So funny that we live so close to a paradise and don't get the time to enjoy it.

Alot of the crowds have gone home today now that the official public holidays have finished, so it won't be so hectic in the shop. The house has suffered while we've been so busy at work. Three kids are away at the moment and I'm starting to miss them alot. Jordan (4) is at mum and dads while Malachi (6) and Lauren (9) are at Bill's brother and his wifes in Nelson ... all until the 16th January. We just have Jese at home and the house is so quiet.

Well I'm off to relax for a bit before I start work at 4pm.

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 72.1kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Gripes!!

Yep I gained 300g ... could have been more I guess so I have to be grateful for that.

Was really embarrasing tho ... I walked into my meeting late and everyone said "here she is ... is she going to make goal tonight???" Then they all stopped what they were doing while I hopped on the scales ... talk about public humiliation! lol. I did previously warn them that it was not going to be pretty. And they were all supportive when I did have my gain. But I would have much rather snuck in, weighed and snuck out again. Aww well at least I went! right?

This week I'm starting off much better prepared. Went to the supermarket yesterday and stocked up on salads, ww cereal bars and frozen ww/lean cuisine meals ... like HEAPS of them! And I'm going to keep half of them in the shop freezer so I can have a healthy meal at the shop if needed.

I even bought a new bonus buddy last night. Did I mention what happened to my last one? I dropped it down the toilet! lol hence I had to lay it to rest and buy a new one. But I'm so pissed off ... this new one doesn't work. The LCD screen is all up the poo (only half the lines show) so I'll have to take it back and replace it. The annoying thing is that it's a whole week before I can do that. So that's another week without my bonus buddy!! I was wanting to start afresh this week ... food all prepared, bonus buddy on my hip ... now I can't ... I hate that!!!

Ok that's enough gripes for one day ... I'm off for another day running in the shop ... but a prepared one this time!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 72.1kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

It could have been so different

Well I have weighin in approximately 1 hour and 27mins ... and I am really not looking forward to this one. Infact I'm utterly discusted in myself.

I was a perfect angel on Christmas Day. I planned, I prepared and I ate well with very little alcohol. Trouble was, once Christmas Day was over I thought "Yay!! I've done it, I've gotten past the celebrations and didn't overeat!", but then I did the busiest week I have ever done in the dairy ... we've worked solidly for 14hrs everyday without a day off for the past 10days and I am buggered!!!

I really didn't make wise choices this week... well no that's not quite right ... I made wise choices but I didn't plan. I found myself stuck behind the counter with customers queuing out the door and I could not get out to get myself something healthy to eat. I couldn't get to the supermarket to buy food to take with me to work. I was at the shop from 7am till 10pm everynight. Coming home just to sleep and do it all over again.

Tiredness and TTOM lead me to give in my normal stubborness with regards to healthy choices. At the end of the day I was just too tired to go home and cook something healthy ... too many nights I gave in to takeaways. I always chose something healthy on the menu (of what little healthy choices they had) so it could have been a lot worse. But ultimately I think I'm in for a gain tonight. Desperately hoping for a loss ... but sadly expecting a gain!

To reach goal tonight with a pathetic 800g to go, exactly 2yrs since I started this weightloss journey, would have been the perfect end to a wonderful fairytale ... but sadly, devestatingly that's not going to happen.

Ohhh well ... I'll be back later with the horrible results.

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.8kg (that number looks so nice)
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg