It's not good

I'm really not coping well at all. I'm on the verge of tears all the time. Sorry to be such a drain on you guys, but I feel this is my only lifeline at the moment. Missing Bill sooo bad and he's only been gone not even one whole day.

Everyone was great who helped us shift, but now they have all gone home and I am here by myself. Jesurun was up all night last night with a bad cough that at one stage turned into an asthma attack so not having any sleep doesn't help with the emotions either.

Mum offered to come and look after the younger two while I took Lauren and Malachi down to their new school. Trouble was the principal there took absolutely ages explain everything so by the time I got back home again it was 9.45am. Mum was really annoyed (and understandably too) but I just couldn't do anything about it. Normally I would cope with this and flog it off as 'just her' but today I couldn't take it. I didn't react at all infront of her, just apologised. But as soon as she left I burst into tears. Don't know why I'm so crazy at the moment. PMS is here as well (great timing I know) I really don't like being like this and I'm beginning to wonder if we have done the right thing. I just want Bill back here. I can't even ring him. Apparently he left work unexpectedly this morning (I'm guessing for a sleep at the old house) and there is no phone on there. Besides I don't want to worry him because he knows how being apart from him down here is going to effect me emotionally and right now he needs to concentrate on work to get his 70hrs in a week (otherwise we won't get our deposit saved in time). The last thing he needs is to travel down here because I'm not coping.

My eating has gone out the window as expected. That's one thing I just cannot deal with. Or more like one thing I can take off my plate to not have to deal with. I'm not binging or comfort eating or anything like that but there is no way I can deal with counting points or tracking.

Sometimes I just wish I could press a button and all my emotions would go away. Thought I had worked myself up to being able to get through this. Admittedly it's only day one, I just feel really alone and in very unfamilier surroundings. Craving for a cigerette but would never live it down if mum and dad caught me so for now I'll just have to hold off and cope!!

Sorry it wasn't better news for everyone to read. Really didn't want to write such negative things here today but I think I need to be honest with you guys and myself.

I'M HOMMMMMESICKKKKKK :( Hope tomorrow is better.

Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 83.9kg
GW 65kg