I'm not often in tears but ...

I have tears in my eyes from reading all your wonderful comments!!! This just doesn't say enough ... THANKYOU!! I don't know how to emphasis this enough ... but you guys are to sole reason I am still going!! And yes I am still going!!!

I was telling Bill the other day how many, many times I've wanted to give up. infact deciding for a day or so that I am giving up. Then I feel guilty about not updating and telling you guys what's been going on. When I first started reading online journals many, many of them just stopped ... no explanation, nothing to say they stopped or put weight back on ... they just stopped updating. And I vowed to myself I wouldn't just stop leaving all my readers just hanging there not knowing what's happened to me. So anyway, after many a time of feeling i've had enough, I've felt guilty about not updating for you guys. So I've come online and then it's hit me .... all your fantastic supportive comments!!! That has inspired me enough to atleast update. Then after updating and letting all my frustrations out, I've felt so much lighter. Like the guilt has gone.

Then I've read all your other wonderful journals and realised that I don't have to feel so bad, that others too go through the same thing, it's all part of it ... nothing abnormal. And that if everyone else can pick themselves up and carry on then so can I!!

You truelly truelly are the whole reason I am still here and a big part of my journey!!!

I haven't updated for a few days because I wanted to show to myself the lightswitch that I had go on in my head on Wednesday was for real and not just a whim. What happened on Wednesday???

A dear online buddy emailed me just to say she was thinking of me and she too was going through the same feelings. We have emailed eachother on and off over the last year or so and I have seen her lose huge amounts of weight. She is in the same situation as me ... very close to goal weight but struggling with motivation to kick those last few kilos up the butt. She challenged me to do this together ... to get our butts to weighin on Monday .. face the music ... then to track, track, track and get ourselves back ontrack!!!

Something switched in my head. I thought yes I can do this ... I have someone to do this with who knows exactly how I'm feeling, who's having the same struggles ... we can do this!! So right then and there I jumped on the scales ... wowsers!!!! 78.5kg!!! (which counts to 81.5kg on ww scales) That's like 6.5kg gain!!! in just two weeks!!! OUCH!! I knew some of this must be fluid retention but it was still disheartening!!

So I got out my old ww books and found a 7day menu plan. I went to the supermarket and stocked up all the food I needed to stick to that menu. I also went for a swim at the hot pools while I was motivated and did lengths of the pool. I only lasted 20mins but it was a good start.

Bill and I had previously organised to go to a trade wine and food festival in Tauranga that afternoon. When we walked in my heart sank at the realisation of what I was about to put myself through. Temptations galore!!! People trying to shove samples in my hand everywhere I looked ... deep fried mushrooms, red wine, white wine, gingerbeer wine, sausages, cheeses ... everything you could possibly imagine. I freaked .. I thought oh noooo my first day ontrack and I'm going to blow it!!!! Then I spotted out of the corner of my eye a sugarfree chupachup stand. I ran and grabbed a sample. They guy probably thought I was a freak!! I unwrapped it so fast and shoved it in my mouth stopped other things slipping in there. It really did the trick. Then the next stand I noticed was Aquashot sports water so I grabbed a sample of that. Then I decided to get my grocery list out and see what I could see here from off my list ... tomato pesto ... I found a catering pack ... perfect!! ... salsa ... another catering pack!! wahoo ... I turned the whole situation around to being a hunt down and find what I actually wanted.

I walked out of there with consuming only 1.5pts worth of tasters... I made it!!! Phew!!

We had subway for dinner and I tried the new vege wrap at only 3pts!!

I finished the day on 19pts with 4pts of exercise done.
Then yesterday we went for a walk along the Karangahape Gorge. I did 21,500 steps ... 3 hrs worth of walking and running.

This morning I stepped on the scales for the first time in 3 days and wahooo it's down to 73.5kg (which is 76.5kg ww scales) so now instead of a 6.5kg gain it's looking at only a 1.5kg gain and I still have 2 more days to go before weighin!!

So for the last 3 days I've been back on track and for the first time in 5mths .... truelly motivated!! I'm tracking, drinking water, exercising ... I've even been updating my eating page ... I'm going to do this!!! And it's all because of you guys!!! You all rock!!!

THANKYOU!!!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW who knows? lol last weighin 75.0kg but probably 76.5kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg