On the bright side

I watched an interesting episode of Oprah last night, about a philosophy I've always believed in and tried to live by. Basically stating that there is a law in the universe that states energy is attracted to like energy. For example if we output positive energy or positive thinking we will attract positive things into our lives.

I know that when I made a conscious decision to change "me" a few months ago I stopped going on the downward spiral I was headed down and slowly began climbing back up. And I stopped waiting for everything else around me to change first. Often we say to ourselves if only my job was better or if only I had more money etc, I would be happy. But if I say I'm going to be happy, I choose to be positive then gradually bit by bit life becomes a nicer place. Alot of this also has to do with gratitude. If we become grateful for what we do have then we output positive energy.

One thing to note is that this decision can only come from within. You can't tell someone to be happy if in their own head they don't want to. Likewise, you can never tell a person suffering from depression to "snap out of it". It is only something we can choose for ourselves.

On the day I decided enough was enough with my weight and I was going to change I really didn't feel like changing. And for the first day after I still felt down about myself but there was a twinkling of "hey I'm not going to get any fatter, I may not be slim yet and have a very long way to go, but at least I'm not going to get worse"

I agreed with Oprah's point about finding the lessons to be learnt in every bad situation being the way to find gratitude.

My example:

The fact that I put all my weight back on and now have to lose it all again means ...

• that I now have empathy for anyone else going through the same situation.
• I am not so obsessed about the exact result on the scales each week and more wanting to change my lifestyle rather than follow a "diet"
• I learnt that I am a comfort eater (contrary to my thinking last time I lost weight) and therefore can learn to recognise the signs and put in place mechanisms to stop it
• I already have a wardrobe full of beautiful slim clothes waiting for me to fit into
• I have stopped being the "diet goddess who knows all" and see overweight people in a kinder way
• I have learnt more about "me" and the inner reasons behind my weight

Wow that felt great!!!! It really works!! I highly recommend everyone to do this and see how you feel. Write down something bad that has happened to you, be it big or small, and list down all the positives or lessons learnt.

Man am I pumped for today!!!

Food fit for a king

Ok, ok point taken ... lol. Thankyou for all the lovely advice, have taken on board, no more negative thinking here anymore.

Finished my day exactly on points yesterday and even had enough to indulge on a frozen mars bar. That is one thing I love about the points program, you can have decadence like that without the guilt.

I also cooked a yum, yum recipe for dinner. Bill wouldn't believe me that it was a ww recipe. He said he just looked at the creamy sauce and figured I mustn't be eating healthy for dinner. It was one of the first meals I've had since being back on plan that didn't in any way seem healthy but was.

For those of you who want to try it, here it is ...

Chicken Bocaiola (serves 4 - each serve is 5.5pts)
(from the Pure Points recipe book)

• 3 rashers of bacon, trimmed of fat and rind, chopped
• 500g chicken breast fillets, skin removed, chopped
• 2 leeks sliced (I didn't have leeks so used 1 onion and 10 brussel sprouts instead)
• 1 tsp minced garlic
• 1 tbs flour
• 1 cup water
• 1 chicken stock cube
• 1/4 tsp wholegrain mustard
• 1/2 cup light sour cream
• 200g button mushrooms, chopped
• 1/4 cup fresh basil leaves, chopped (I didn't have these so omitted them)

1. Wrap bacon in absorbent paper and cook in microwave for 1 1/2-2 minutes until crispy. Drain on fresh absorbent paper.
2. Coat a pan with cooking spray, heat and cook the chicken until browned and tender. Remove the chicken from the pan. To the same pan stir in the leeks and garlic. Cook for a further 30 seconds.
3. Stir the flour into the leek mixture. Remove from the heat and stir in the combined water, stock cube and mustard. Return to the heat and cook until the mixture boils and thickens.
4. Return the chicken to the pan and stir in the sour cream, mushrooms, basil and bacon. Cook gently until heated through. Serve with point free vegetables or salad.

Delish!!!!

Soldier on

Looks like I have to take a leaf out of my own book. 600g loss this morning taking me to my first 5kgs gone, I should be jumping with glee! Not sure why I'm not. Time to sit back and realise how well I've done, even tho it feels I should have done better. A perfect week with points and water. Weight watchers recommends anything between 500g and 1kg loss per week is good ... so it's good.

Some of my melancholy is probably hanging over my head from yesterday. Over the past 18mths I have done ambulance off and on, stopping for periods of time when things got a bit crazy and when I broke my ankle. Previously everytime I have been booked in to do my next level exams I've had to pull out due to circumstances. Now I felt ready to finally do my exams, being held on the 21st and 22nd April. But was told by the ambulance area manager last night that I wasn't booked in because I wasn't ready. I respect his decision but was so disappointed. I don't think it was a reflection on my capabilities, but purely on the fact that I have only been back on duty for the past few months, and have had limited call outs during that time. It was so hard not to take it personally. There will still be a next time but just feeling the need to quietly wallow today.

Think I need to put yesterday behind me and focus on today ... onwards and upwards (or downwards in my case)

I put that horrible, horrible front view photo on my blog yesterday, man do I hate that photo!! I made myself put it up there to motivate me to keep going and get into that bikini again!

You've done so well, don't give up now

I've been very resorceful this morning and made a HUGE pot full of point free soup to freeze. It started off with Bill asking me to make something with the left over celery from the shop and grew to filling a 15 litre preserving pan full of vege soup.

I found a new blog yesterday of a lady who had lost HEAPS of weight already, over 40kgs infact. I was so impressed that I read her journal from start to finish, over 2 years worth of entries. She had me so inspired!! But the interesting thing was in the last few months I noticed her entries had changed from focusing on where she'd come from to focusing on the last few kilos that wouldn't budge. She felt so frustrated and unmotivated. If only she could see the big picture again of what a fantastic achievement she had already accomplished. Sometimes it's hard not to focus on the next kilo that won't move and get disheartened.

I remember when I had put on 5 or 6 kilos I felt so fat, like I was back at the start again. Looking back now I so wish I only had 5 or 6 kilos to get back off again, rather than the 50 or so I have to lose now.

It's all about perspective. Sometimes we need to appreciate everything we've done instead of getting down about the numbers on the scales that week. In the big picture one weeks loss or gain is such a small part over the whole journey.

Plate licking syndrome

It feels so nice to be among friends again. Thankyou to those of you who posted lovely comments!

Some of you may be wondering why I would be so open. Up until now all these thoughts have been in my head and I haven't actually sat down and written out everything that had happened over the last year. In doing so was actually theraputic for me. I liked Julie's comment about being a diary that talks back. That's exactly it.

I'm in the excited mode of the program at the moment where I stick to my points rigidly. The bad side of this is when I go wrong my habit is to blow out. So I'm concentrating on not letting this happen.

I did perfect all day yesterday until I was dishing up the rice. I had allowed for 1cup of rice for dinner, but do you think I could stop the spoon going back into the leftover rice for more? Awww just a little bit more, ok maybe a bit more. For goodness sake, it's only rice!! Not like it yummy cabanara or anything. And do you think I could stop when I got full??? Hmmm, well almost! lol I did stop before my plate was licked clean but I should have stopped even sooner. I left probably a quarter of a cup of rice. I guess that's a start. Next time I'll try a little better.

The good thing was that I didn't think "stuff it, I'll have some icecream now too"

Where did I go?

I got two invites to go out last night to two different functions and I didn't end up going to either. I feel bad about that but when I'm trying so hard to stick to points I knew that would be impossible at short notice when both functions revolved around alcohol.

So I sat home and watch American Idol, with no drinks and got an early night. And I'm feeling much better for it today with no hangover.

I've spent the last two days writing up a recap on my last eighteen months. I know there's some people here that knew me during my last weightloss website and wanted to share what's happened and why I just 'disappeared' from blogland.

So over on the righthand side there's a section "Where did I go for 18mths?" for those of you who were wondering.

I'm going to be an aunty!

I found out a few weeks ago that my sister is pregnant, so I'm going to be an aunty for the first time!!

She has been trying to have children for over 10yrs with lots of ups and downs and hurdles to overcome to finally get pregnant and now she is! I'm very happy for her. It's so nice to see her experiencing for herself the joys and excitement that she watched me go through four times.

In the end she and her husband were on their final try of IVF with 4 unsuccesful attempts. If it didn't work this time then that was it, they were going to stop trying. They managed to extract alot of eggs this time but only 2 embryos developed. They used both embryos to get a higher chance of getting pregnant and guess what I found out last night??? ...

... she's now pregnant with twins! Both embryos attached!! I am just so excited for her!!!

At the moment she's both excited and in shock as to how she's going to cope with twins lol. I'm sure she'll be fine!!

I know this has nothing to do with my weightloss lol ... but just wanted to share my exciting news!! :)

Did you have sex last night? ...

I don't know why I was so nervous to hop on the scales this morning...

I'd been good all week, and tracked all my food and stuck to my points, so there was no reason to think I wouldn't have a loss.

I guess I felt that I'd given it 100% effort this week and did the best I possibly could, so if the scales didn't show a loss then there was no hope for me in ever getting this weight off.

Sheesh you'd think I'd know this works! It worked for me last time I lost weight so why wouldn't it this time? Duh!!!

A lovely 2.3kg loss for me this week, which doubles my weightloss to-date. I'd lost a total of 2.3kgs in 3 wks before today now I've lost a total of 4.6kgs. Yay my first 5kg mark is just around the corner.

It's nice to have this excitement about having lost only 4.6kgs! lol I lost that feeling long, long ago, well before I reached goal last time.

My weightloss this week has put a smug little smile on my face today. Like someone who had sex last night but can't skite about it to the world.

Come on you know the smile!

Insy Winsy ...

Insy Winsy spider climbed up the spout,

Down came the rain and washed pour insy out,

Out came the sunshine and dried up all the rain,

And then insy winsy spider climbed up the spout again

This nursery rhyme has significance for me today. I've been doing some changes to my website and as I was going to sleep last night this rhyme came to me as a theme for my website. I tried all day to change the template to put in a new banner I'd created but got stumped on html coding, so didn't get to put up the ïnsy winsy' banner after all.

But I still like the association of this poem. It describes what I've been through and come out of in the last 18mths. I may have been washed out by the rain but I'm not down and out yet ... spout here I come!!!

Waiting, waiting, waiting ...

I went for my first organised exercise walk this morning since breaking my ankle six months ago. I do a lot of walking in the shop but never for a full constant 20mins. I enjoyed it although got frustrated at the fact that I wanted to work my heart harder but my foot wouldn't allow it. And knowing I had to keep some 'foot energy' up for my shift in the shop. Still 20mins is nothing to be laughed at even if it only gave me a measly 1.5 bonus points.
I found out today from the specialist I've been waiting to see about my ankle (it's needs to be reoperated on ... grrr ... that's another story I'll tell you another time) can't see me till July. July is too long away! I'm currently on sick leave for my ambulance work and have been since 2 September 06 when I broke my ankle and until I get this damn operation done I can't go back onto proper ambulance duty. Ambulance keep asking me when I can go back onto roster (I'm only doing first responce at the moment) and I can't until I get my foot seen to. Ohh it's all so frustrating waiting for the public system. The other reason I want to get it looked at now rather than later is I want to be up and running again before next summer.
Anyway I got recommended another surgeon to ring instead of my current one to see if he had a shorter waiting list and turns out his is 4 - 6wks to get an appointment. Which is much better but I can see this thing spanning out and out and out, longer and longer.
For those of you who are wondering what the deal with my ankle is ....
I broke my ankle back in Sept last year and had to have a plate and screws put in. Well six months later my physio has told me theyve done as much as I can and the reason I can't get the full movement in my ankle (I can't bend my foot inwards, it's siezed up) is because the tendon is stuck behind the plate. Every now and then with some physio 'jiggling' she can get the tendon to flick overtop of the plate and I get my movement back but it only usually lasts for an hour or so and it's gets stuck again.
I can walk on it fine if I'm on flat ground because I have the up and down movement but as soon as I get uneven ground it goes to pieces. And I couldn't be on ambulance with someone needing cpr on the beach and me saying sorry can't do it, I can't walk on sand.
So this next phase is to wait for my appointment from this surgeon to see what he says. Meanwhile time is ticking ...

Are my jeans playing tricks on me?

It may just be my imagination but I'm sure my jeans feel baggy today. I haven't weighed myself since last Thursday and don't want to till next weigh day but you know when you just feel lighter. And ..... I had my first weightloss compliment today. A regular customer told me she said I looked thinner in the face, that she could tell that I'd lost weight. Now I don't go round telling people I'm on a weightloss thing but was talking to her bout my 'alcohol only once a week' thingy and that's when she told me it must be working cuz I'm looking really good. Yay me!!!!

How can I eat that much?

It's been a while since i updated. I've done the core ww plan for the last few weeks and while I had a good loss the first week, last week I lost only 500g and this week put on 400g. I don't think it's the fault of the programme but that it's not strict enough for me.
So this week I've swapped over to points again. I was a little worried in doing this because i was well and truelly pointed out when I finished up with ww 18mths ago. But surprisingly it's like coming home. There's a sense of security in knowing what I'm doing.
While doing ww last time I was on 18-20pts per day and got used to that. So I was shocked when this time I'm told to eat 27pts a day!! It's a mixture of excitement and nervousness at eating that much. But I think as long as I keep my portion sizes acurate I should be ok. We'll wait and see ...

... sheesh 27pts!???!!