Got a bad case of the guilts

You know how you think things can't possibly get any worse ... that you have enough stress on your plate to handle that you surely don't deserve any more???? lol

Ohhh how wrong!! Someone up there must think I am wonder woman because I am over flowing with stress vibes right now :) I smile because it's gone beyond being worried or freaking out ... now it's a joke.

Last night Bill's face got EVEN LARGER! He honestly was looking like elephant man! (of course I mean that in the most loving possible way) I just couldn't stop laughing when I looked at him. I'm really bad like that. I don't do the whole sympathy thing very well. I decided to ring my sister who is a Paramedic and ask her what she thought ... should I take him back to the afterhours A&E and spend another $100 bucks (it sounds really bad to put it like that but that was honestly how I was feeling) She suggested that she come out and pick him up in the ambulance (she was on duty at the time). I flatly refused! My pride wouldn't handle that. He wasn't going to die or anything lol. (I know, I know ... I'm really bad at feeling sorry for people lol). I asked Bill what he thought and these were his words ... "ok, well I'll just go dig a whole over there in the corner and when I die then you just need to throw some dirt ontop and I won't be anymore hassle". How could I say no to that!! lol.

She reckoned she should come and pick him up then I could stay at home with the kids and if she took him to hospital in the ambulance then it would be free. I'm all for free so I gave into my pride and agreed.

They left here at 5.30pm and I told him I would keep his dinner warm for him. My sister assured me it would be a quick visit and he would be home again later that night ... ohhh how wrong :) At 10.15pm I got a call from Bill to say he had just left the waiting room and was finally being seen to!! Almost 5hrs sitting in a waiting room, geez I'm glad I wasnt there keeping him company! lol (honestly I love him to bits)

They thought it could be an anophalactic reaction (sp) which is a fancy way of saying the antibiotics they gave him he could be allergic to... causing all the swelling. So they ran some bloods and decided to keep him in overnight.

Then this morning he rang to say the results came back and it wasn't that, but that they found a humongous absus (sp) which he was going to have to have surgery to fix. Now I feel really bad that I complained about him going to the dentist in the first place. I told him it would cost too much and to just put up with it! After all ... no one sees your wisdom teeth so what if they are crooked... hehe. Feeling rather guilty right now lol

With his surgery booked in for today they told him he still couldn't eat. Hasn't eaten since yesterday lunchtime (36hrs). He reckons it's their way of forcing him to go on diet whether he wants to or not lol.

So he went under the knife this afternoon. I went in to see him an hour or so after he got out of surgery and he looked really terrible!!! Like a different person. He was still on a huge amount of morphine so he was spacing out quite a bit too.

I'm back at home now (obviously lol)... kids are in bed (one complaining of a sore tummy so might be a long night ahead). Still have a whole lot more work to get on with but for tonight I'm going to leave it. Have rescheduled all my appointments for tommorrow.

On the eating note ... it's really not good. I kind of hit stress breakout point today. Had a big plate of hot chips and two fat ugly sausages (but they tasted so good) then tonight on the way to see Bill I called in to the supermarket to pick him up some bottled water and gave in to the magnum staring at me from the freezer. Bad thing was I didn't even really enjoy it. Just felt like I had to have it to make everything go away. I'm not normally a comfort eater but tonight something snapped. I told myself I shouldn't be having this but ate it anyway.

Giving my ww meeting a miss tomorrow. Figured I need to be with Bill more than ww need me. Gives me a chance to get back on my feet eating wise.

Meanwhile the rum & diet cokes are staring at me ... do I? don't I? Guess I'll let you know tommorow what happens :)

Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 81.7kg
Gw 65kg