Thankyou you!!

Wow thankyou all soooo much for your support through this! It's so amazing how just having someone say 'thinkin of ya' makes a huge difference!

I arrived home last night and working on getting back to a normal routine again although it's continually in the back of my mind that while I plod along with everyday things my sister is trying to deal with everything still. But I mustn't let that stop me from trying to regain normality.

Her and I have spent alot of time crying over the last ten days along with the rest of the family. There are no answers to all the why questions but it was very helpful to know that no matter what decisions were made differently it looks like the outcome would have been very similar. That in itself makes the healing process alot simpler.

The funeral was very sweet. I was fine for the first half hour after I'd arrived at the chapel, until I looked over to my sister and seeing her grief stricken face made me brake down in tears ... again. Part of me felt so guilty (and please don't tell me off for saying this, it's just an emotion that I need to express to get rid of it) but I have four beautiful children and falling pregnant for me is just so easy, too easy at times. I would have a child for her in a heartbeat!!! But it's not as easy as that. I have offered before and will offer again someday down the track. But for now she needs to get her body healed again and of course her heart.

Lynda you asked what caused this ... she had what they thought were cysts on her ovaries throughout her pregnancy but they didn't want to operate as it would put the babies at risk so they just monitered her pain.

Then one afternoon she got a sudden temperature and the rigers (uncontrolable shaking) so went up to the hospital and as she got there she became overwelmed with uncontrolable 10/10 pain. They then took her into surgery to find out why she was in such pain. As they opened her up they realised that what they thought were cysts were infact absesses and her body at that stage went into complete septic shock and started to shut down due to the poison from the puss. As to where the absesses came from? Not totally sure, they think possibly from fybroids which became inflammed from hormone treatment during IVF.

The positive in all of this is that Trish is still alive, although still in hospital but she will make a full recovery.

Now onto normality for me ... and on the eating front don't really know at all how I've gone. Haven't weighed myself, my clothes aren't any tighter but have not counted any points for the last 10 days. Next weighin will be Wednesday ... ohhh and I have my computer fixed again. So hard staying on track without you guys to keep in touch with.

So good to be back!!!