It's my party and I'll cry if I wanna!!

I usually shy away from doing 'woe-is-me' posts as that's not really who I am ...

But today I'm feeling rather lonely and blah!! why??

Cuz it's my birthday and I'm here in Auckland by myself ... all alone ... not even a flatmate to chat with.

I got rung up at 10.15pm last night and asked if I would do a 'recall' which basically means I go to work on one of my days off and get paid time and a half for it. So at the end of the day it means around $200-$300 extra in my pay packet next week. Originally I told him to see if he could find someone else (I was too shy to tell him it was my birthday that day) and Bill was saying in the background "go for it, you can do it" ... so in a moment of weakness I gave in and said yes.

So what that means is that on my birthday ... the one day of the year that I should be celebrating me ... I had to wake up at 3.30am, drive to Auckland, start work at 6am, work my arse off all day at the busiest station in the country ... go back to an empty flat (my flatmates are both away) and sit by myself ... on my birthday!! damn it!!! Not worth going home cuz I have to go back to work in one more day.

The biggest reason I'm feeling sad and lonely today is that my best mate in the whole world (we've been friends and fellow ambulance officers for the past 3yrs) is not speaking to me ... and it's my birthday!! damn it!!! It's a long story and basically she's not mad at me (I don't think) just an awkward moment where a few heated words were spoken. I have tried to make peace, both in person, txt, email and any other way I can think of ...

... I don't think she knows its my birthday ... and I dont really want to tell her cuz then it sounds like I'm trying to make her feel guilty or manipulate her which I'm not.

Any I'm allowed a sad day ... and today is my sad day ... Happy Birthday me :(