Bad news gone, on with the good

I'm so goooood :)

I've spent the last week on plan, and even with staying at mums. I cooked my own meals at night and ate only fruit for snacks during the day.

Yesterday I woke feeling slim, but knowing I wasn't lol (If that makes sense?) My jeans were still tight but not skin tight.

I did the 'no count' ww plan and loved it. I still feel it is a little restrictive but the positives far outweigh the negatives. It's so good not having to count points any more.

I've definately lost weight this week but don't know how much as I couldn't weigh myself last week. But when I arrived home today my scales had arrived.

I told myself I would be happy with anything in the 80's, but expected to be in the 90's. And I was right ... 94.7kgs ... ouch!!! I've managed to pile on 20kgs in 4mths!! wowsers!!! That's over 1kg a week!

But now that the bad news is over I can get on with the good news ... it's all downwards from here!!

My benchtop oven also arrived so I have baking in the oven some huge flat mushrooms for lunch! yay :)

Bad news is the eliptical trainer was out of stock and they won't be able to supply it so I'll have to choose something else instead.

I had a good week away and the exciting thing albeit slightly bizarre ... I'm officially as of today back living with Bill permanently. We split up for 4mths and for the last 2mths I've been coming back for weekends only. We have made huge progress in our relationship. There's still a long way to go but we're getting there.

Anyway I better go check my mushies before they burn.

Lyn :)

Hoorah!!

Just a quick update to let you know I'm off to stay at my mum's for a few days so won't be able to update till I get back on Friday.

Hopefully by the time I get back our goodies I ordered will have arrived ... finger's crossed!!

Have a great week everyone and see you when I get back!

Lyn :)

The best bargains ever!

As you can tell I've been playing around with my blog and putting my personal touch on it. I just love doing this! Over the next little while I'll be adding a few more bits and pieces and tweaking it here and there. And as soon as I have a start weight I'll add a ticker timer as well. I think it's always nice to go to a blog and see straight away where they have come from and where they plan to go to.

I'm very excited!! Wahooo this could be the thing that gets me motivated again. We belong to a rewards program with Anchor where we earn points for milk we sell in the shop. We've been saving our points up over the past 18mths and now have a balance of over $2000.00 worth of rewards we can 'buy'. It's like the 'flybys' card but for dairy owners who sell Anchor milk.

Anyway so yesterday I went on a spending spree on the computer and 'bought' some goodies for us using our Anchor points.

Here's what we bought ...

Elliptical Trainer

(For me ... heheh!) Whenever I've been to a gym I've lived on these machines, I just love them!

Weights Bench

(For Bill) He's been doing his own weights program at home for a few months now but never had a proper bench to use. He was over the moon that I chose this for him. And of course I'll be able to use it too.

Bodyfat Computer Scales

Now I'll know exactly how much I weigh and can put in a start weight soon ... yay!! Bill laughed when I said I chose scales, especially glass ones. "yeah, yeah, I promise I won't break these ones" I laughed. (I have a habit of getting annoyed with scales and jumping on them!

Benchtop Oven

Our oven has been broken since June of last year, so for nearly a year now I've been cooking meals in a microwave and an electric wok. We bought a second hand oven at a garage sale that on getting it wired in didn't work! So gave up after that. Now finally I can cook in an oven again ... oh the joys of simple pleasures!!

So as you can probably tell a little retail therapy did wonders and the best part ... it didn't cost me a cent!!! Now THAT'S cool!!!

Lyn :)

To be inspired? or not to be

So much for not being to fussy about counting points?? I did a rough countup at the end of the day, thinking I'd done alright. Helloooo!! 42pts later!! Everytime I ate something I ate a healthy version of it and I didn't eat anything that was "unhealthy" but obviously I ate WAY TOO MUCH!!

I can see it's going to take a bit to get back into this points thing. And that's where the no count thing doesn't work for me. I think I subconsciously think ohh I can eat as much as I like. I find it really hard to do the hunger signals part. Maybe points is still the way to go for me.

Problem being I've counted points for 3 yrs and I'm really over counting points. I need something new and inspirational for me to turn that 'lightswitch' on. Because as much as I know I need to do this, I am so not inspired right now. Arrgghghhh it's frustrating!!

There's probably a few things not in my favour here ...

• I'm here working in a shop full of food by myself for a week.
• I have no time to get out to exercise
• It's preweek to TTOM when I get all my sugar cravings
• I don't know how much I actually weigh, not sure why this is a problem. There's part of me that needs to have a starting weight to keep inspired.
• I'm not sleeping very well at the moment so I'm getting tired and grumpy.

But these are actually just excuses. If I was inspired enough I would overcome these hurdles. But to be inspired ... hmmm ... what does that mean??

"inspire"

Pronunciation: in-'spIr
Function: verb

Inflected Form(s): inspired; inspiring
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French & Latin;
Middle French inspirer, from Latin inspirare, from in- + spirare to
breathe transitive senses

1 a : to influence, move, or guide by divine or supernatural
inspiration

From the webster dictionary

Maybe this is my problem.

Maybe inspiration is only a God given thing?

Maybe I need to ask for inspiration? Hmmm definately food for thought.

Lyn :)

Baby steps

I have outgrown nearly ALL my clothes. This is so depressing!! I'm down to around 10 items of clothing of which I have 4 pairs of trousers, well that was until this morning when I got ready for work and I found another pair that I no longer fitted! Grrrr!! So now I'm down to just 3!

I refuse to buy any more because I'm going to fit back into them! I WILL!!

So far I've had WW cereal, s/trim milk and a banana for brekkie and 2 hot cross buns (no butter) for morning tea.

Isn't it so true that when you make a decision to change your eating to lose weight, things automatically come along to test you? And I'm sure this only happens then. Or maybe it's just that we notice it then. I got given a free cornetto icecream this morning. It looked devine and yesterday I would have happily eaten it not giving it a second thought. Not today, although it adds to the feeling of my throat being cut!! I do feel proud of my choice. For now that's all I have to hang onto ... pride!

I'm choosing not to count points at this stage. I'm kindof doing both the "no count" and points plan combined. Basically eating only 'no count' foods but adding a couple of extra things in that I know are good on the points plan. I know I'll probably need to tweek that in a week or so and become more disciplined but it's a far side better than I was eating yesterday!

Anyway I'm doing okay today but then again it's only 10.30am ... I have a long way to go yet!!

Lyn :)

No I didn't drop out of oblivion

I'm not even sure i­f I'm ready for this again.

By "this"... I mean losing weight, blogging about it ... the whole thing. I certainly know that to be successful in losing weight for me I need to blog!

By "ready" ... I mean I have just finished a 150gram packet of Delisio Greek Tzatziki chips of which I don't even want to comprehend the amount of kilojoules or fat I've just consumed.

But for now I'm blogging so that is a huge step for me.

The title of this journal is "journey to slimsville ... again" and by that I mean I have already travelled this road am back at the start having to do it all again. For those of you who don't know me I lost over 28kgs and got to goal of 71kgs and managed to keep it off for a year. Then in December of last year my marriage of 11yrs fell apart. I was faced with the reality of spending the rest of my life alone with four kids to bring up. My husband had become an alcoholic and was starting to abuse me psychologically. According to my sister who is a paramedic and very accustomed to seeing abused wives saw all the signs in me of "battered wife syndrome".

After leaving my husband, who I still very dearly loved, I went through an emotional breakdown and ended up on antidepressants. Even tho I was slim and attractive back then I was a mess! I spent the next 3 months eating my way through oblivion and as expected my weight piled back on. So in three short months I have put on nearly everything I took 2 long years to lose. I vowed I would never let myself get back to my severely obese state yet here I am ... fat again!!

I don't know how much I weigh, I'm too scared to find out just yet.

But it's not all sad news. Through all this horrible stuff I have found myself again. I have learnt about the bad behavior I set up for myself just to cope. Like the avoidance of conflict for one. I would do anything to avoid conflict. I began to compromise my own opinions to stop an argument. I'd say yes to anyone just to keep the peace. And in doing that I lost myself. I lost who I was and what I thought.

As hard as it was to leave my husband, that was the very thing that brought us back together. Yes in a few weeks time I'm moving back home permanently. My husbands drinking is back under control and we are working things out. But it certainly hasn't been easy. I spent 2 months having every manipulating lie thrown at me, laying all the blame on me. Then eventually he started to come round to the fact that he had a problem that he needed to sort out. The day he admitted he needed help was a huge turning point for us. We still have a long road ahead of us with a lot more work still to do but the sun is finally starting to shine on us again.

A big inspiration for me to get back to facing my weight issues again was looking up KiwiJo's journal. She's still going hard ... 4 years after she started!!! Jo you were the original inspiration for me to start journaling and you've done it again! Inspired me to get back on the right road to slimsville ... thankyou again chickey!!!

Lyn :)