Masterpiece in the making

I've started reading a journal of a girl that has lost over 66kg ... an amazing achievement. Infact I've been reading her journal for awhile but yesterday I went back to her first 6mths worth of entries. In reading them it brought back a whole lot of memories for me. Memories of feeling discusted with myself, of self worthlessness, of shame, of feeling like the big picture of all this weight I had to lose was just too much to comtemplate. And here I am only a few hundred grams from goal. Some days it still feels like it's too hard. Yet I see how much I have changed. Not just my body but my whole outlook on life.

Back when I was 107.4kg I used to ...

Look around the room to see if I was the biggest person in the room (and usually I was)

Feel jealous of anyone that was slimmer than me

Hide in my house and not go out for weeks on end for fear of being humiliated

Wear black everyday in the hope to hide some amount of fat

Put my arms around my waist when someone looked me up and down presuming they thought I was fat!

I've have now morphed into a person that ...

Proudly walks in a room with nothing to hide

Feels confident around anyone, regardless of what size they are

Goes out everyday and wakes up excited about what I'm going to wear today

Wears all colours and loves to mix and match my wardrobe to see what new combination I can come up with

Has started to realise than when someone looks me up and down, it's not because of my fat but because I am now a beautiful creature!!

That last statement may seem very "full of myself" but from where I have come from, from the low self esteem I once had, it is a testiment that no matter how low you feel, how little you think of yourself, no matter how much weight you have to lose ... there is a posibility (and a very feasible one) that it can all change around to something very sweet ... with time and persistance!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

They missed out on hungi

I'm feeling much more positive today. I'm ready to kick butt again. I don't know how many times I have to go through this up/down cycle! lol! It's the same everytime ... I have a gain, bury my head in the sand, decide that's it ... it's too hard ... then tell myself to stop being so stupid and get back to it, then bounce back again.

Monday night after weighin I had a friend staying with us. I was angry about my weighin result, so I bought a bottle of Bicardi and took it home for everyone to share. Part of it was "I'm so pissed off, I don't care about points, I'm going to have some fun" and the other part was saying "hey I've done well, I'll just have a couple of drinks to celebrate"

Well a couple of drinks ended up meaning between the two of us, my friend and I (Bill was drinking beer) We finished the bottle!!! The next day I was so disappointed in myself. I guestimated it at around 20pts for the alcohol alone (thank goodness I had it with diet coke) ... I gave up counting all my points for that day.

Then I went into the whole cycle of thinking I'm only going to be able to have 16pts each day to make up for it, now I've blown it again for next weighin. After an hour or so I gave myself a good telling off and realised today is another day. Yesterday can't be changed so I'm just going to get right back to it and forget about my points for yesterday.

And that's what I've done. My weight was up both Monday and Tuesday but today it's dropped back down again. I've drunken bucketloads of water for the past two days with the dehydration from all that alcohol and diet coke.

I tell ya ... I've been good ... no you don't totally understand ... I've been reeeeally good!! Like get this ... everyone has fruit salad and icecream for lunch and I make a salad & tuna for myself. Then everyone gets a hungi for dinner (I know hungi's aren't too bad but I'm trying to cut out starchy carbs (pototoes and kumeras) out of my dinner meal. But I went home and made myself another salad/smoked salmon/zuchinis & garlic/sweet corn. Funny thing was they stood in queue for over an hour, got to 3 people infront of them and they'd run out of hungi!!! LOL!!! So they came home hungry! HAHAHAH!! I know I'm mean! LOL Fish and chips was eaten instead while I enjoyed my huge healthy feast of only 3pts!!

I even walked to work and back (after being offered rides both ways!) I reckon if someone offers to take you somewhere yet you turn them down and STILL walk that you should be able to earn double the points!!! Or if you turn down food and eat something healthy that it should be worth half the points ... whatya reckon? Might approach Weight watchers on that one!! hehehe

So I am giving this 100% and getting this 600g off my butt finally ... for good!!

The retail therapy did wonders!!! I bought quite a few tops and shorts and they were ALL size 12! (I'm mostly a 12 but sometimes a 10, sometimes a 14) But it was 12 all the way that day ... yeah baby!!!

When I get a chance I'll get Bill to take some pics.

Well we're off to my mum and dad's today. It's a sad and exciting day all in one. We're going to the auction of their farm. The one I grew up on, spent my life climbing trees, making huts, crawling through the maze paddocks, creating mazes in the haybarn. So it's very sad in that fact but a relief to finally see mum and dad retire and stop working. They're both in their 60's and still milking cows night and morning. They're both showing the stress of still working. We've been trying to talk them into selling for years and finally they've agreed to it. So all the buildup of open homes and bidders registering and talking prices ... has finally led up to today ... the big auction.

Hopefully they get the price they want ... no I want them to get much more than the price they want!!

I'll letcha know how it goes!
Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Grrrrr ... how frustrating!!!

No I didn't make goal ... again!!! Infact my stupid body gave me a 100g gain this week!!!

Feeling rather pissed off about it actually. This week was our 10th wedding anniversary and I sacrificed going out for dinner or having any wine just so I could get to goal! I stayed within points all week!! The only little thing I did wrong was had a few drinks at a friends BBQ but certainly well within my points .... arrrgghhh ... this is soooo frustrating!!!!

I know it's on a pathetic 100g gain but it is just soooo hard to get these last few grams off!!!

Well I'll sign off for now ... I'm off to do some kidless retail therapy with a friend ... that should kill the blues ;)

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Thankyous

Sharing this journey with you guys has made this so much more exciting for me! It's wonderful to have a place I can come to share my excitement with a fantastic bunch of ladies!! (and a couple of silent men readers maybe... heheh!!)

In the 'real world' (although sometimes this place is more real than reality is lol) I don't gloat about my weightloss. Infact don't mention it at all (other than with Bill) unless I get asked specifically about it. So it makes it all the more special to get encouragement and loving comments from you guys.

Paulene ... your words "I feel so excited it's almost like it's happened to me. Thanks for the boost I needed today!" really hit home to me and gave a true essence of what our journal entries mean to eachother. It's so true ... when I log on to each of your journals it's like I am travelling your road hoping you achieve your goals. And when you do it's just so exciting!!

Lynda ... You have been like my online mum! Always keeping me in check and giving such wise advice, in such a loving way! I have set up processes this time that will keep me in check. The main thing being I will keep going to weightwatchers, even after reaching goal. Bill and I talked about this the other day. I will keep going weekly until I get to my personal goal of 65kg or once I have decided I have gone low enough (possibly around 68kg or so)... then change my meetings to monthly. But I think that's the key to maintaining this weightloss ... keep a check on things, go to the meeting once a month to keep that focus. So yes I WILL keep the weight off this time ... that's a definate!!!

And for those of you who are curious ... once I get to goal, yes I will keep this website going. Getting to goal is only half the journey, keeping it off is the hardest bit. And for me that will be a lifetime journey.

Janine ... Yes I did consider getting my belly button peirced while in Auckland but I did say to myself I would wait till goal for that. So I'm going to be true to myself and wait lol.

Leigh ... awww my sweetie!! You are so right ... I am happy ... I'm content in myself. First time in many, many years. I used to continually compare myself to others. I never felt good enough for anyone. But in the last 6mths I am happy in my own skin. I don't feel like hiding anymore! And I don't to the comparing thing. I think the dairy has helped with that also. With making conversation all day everyday with customers I've become more confident around people, especially one on one.

Jackie ... Thankyou for your kind words and believe me I'll have every limb, toe and finger crossed at next weighin!! lol

Karen ... I think I've mentioned this before but I used to HATE shopping (with a vengence!!) It was a depressing experience everytime. I think it was all the mirrors and not being able to find anything I liked in my size. You know how I mentioned that I always thought the shop mirrors made me look bigger than I actually was? Well on my birthday I'm sure the mirrors made me look smaller. lol I was still suspicious lol ...I thought to myself "I bet the shops have installed mirrors that make you look skinny so everyone buys their clothes!" Eternal skeptic! lol

Argy ... That's ok ... I didn't give much notice about it. And yes I do receive belated wishes ... hang on, the door bell just rang ... oh wow it was your belated wishes just arriving now ... thankyou so much!!! :)

Beckie ... Thanks for the hugs... and suprise, surprise your birthday wishes were bundled up with Argy's at the door ... wow what a cool day is this?!! Size 10 still doesn't feel real yet and probably won't for a little bit. Takes a while for our brains image to catch up to our actual. But I'm getting there :)

And I know there are many, many more of you silent readers out there (yes I know you're there! lol) because I had over 500 hits in one day on my website yesterday from 200 unique readers :) And you thought you could hide didn't you!! lol ... But what I actually wanted to say was that even tho I don't get comments from 200 people I know you are all with me in heart and that means so much to me. The fact that on average each person logged on over 2 times in the day to wait for the news means so much!!! Oh my gosh I'm getting myself all emotional now!! lol YOU GUYS MEAN THE WORLD TO ME!!!!!! Ok I gotta log off now before I start to cry!!

When I finally get to goal (sometime this year lol) I'm going to set up a special guestbook for everyone here to sign as a special momento I can keep. And I would love it if all you silent readers would sign it to. That would just be the coolest!! I'll have a link on here on the day I reach goal ... don't worry, you won't miss it :)

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.5kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

The anticipation is killing me!

I know, I know ... you're all waiting! :) Sorry this is the first chance I've had to do an update...

Ok I'm filled with mixed emotions today. I did everything exactly right this last week in attempt to make it to goal ... but alas it eludes me yet again .... grrrrr!!!

I missed out by 500g! I lost 600g bringing me down to 71.5kg ... so close yet so far!!

I can't show you all my surprise yet because I promised myself I wouldn't put it up here till I got to goal. And since that didn't happen at weighin it will have to wait for next week. Sorry!! :)

But I will let you all know what it is... you just can't see it yet. Yes Paulene... you were right lol. Bill shouted me a new wardrobe ... $500 worth of clothes. I was spoilt rotten yesterday. We left home at 7.30am and drove to Auckland. Arriving at Botany Downs Mall by 9am. Bill took Jese and left me on my own to shop to my hearts content. I had one specific outfit I wanted to find ... for ... wait for it ... a makeover photo session with my friend who's the professional photographer ... yes that's the surprise I want to share with you all.

And find the dress I did ... get this ... it's a size 10!! AND ... it was on sale reduced from $160 down to $50!!!! How cool is that?? And I loved it on, made me feel like a queen!!

I also got a dress and jeans, 3 quarter pants, a sparkly evening top, a fitted cardy and lots of t-shirts. Talk about spoilt!!! After spending 3hrs shopping we headed off to my friend's house where I posed, and strutted my stuff :) Then headed home at 3pm intime to get to weighin at 5.30pm.

When we got back friend's of ours called in to say hi, so we invited them over for a few drinks. We spent the evening playing Cranium. Fantastic game if anyone likes a good boardgame!

I can't remember what time we eventually headed off to bed but it was definately after midnight. Apparently at some stage I came downstairs, hopped in my pyjamas and went back upstairs and sat down again ... lol... I didn't mean it as a hint lol ... but everyone decided at that stage that it must be time to head off home! I had a fantastic day and flopped into bed exhausted and rather drunk ... heheh

Well I just came home to get this update done for you guys ... so I'd better head back to work!

Thankyou all so much for your birthday wishes!!! Was very cool coming on here to read them all! Thankyou!!!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.5kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

You sexy thang!!!

I have a big surprise waiting for you guys next week. Can't tell you anymore than that, but it's in the planning now.

I've put a comments link below so you can talk to your hearts content and tell me whatever you wish without being told you're "too wordy" (allows up to 1000 characters, that's alot of typing!!) By having this link all the comments about each entry stays with that entry. Then when readers are going through old entries they can see what you wrote about that day. Unlike the tagboard the comments don't drop off the bottom after a certain time, gone forever into cyberspace. They're there for good. I'm excited about finally getting a setup that works.

Bill said something real sweet to me last night. I'm very spoilt to have such a generous verbally complimenting guy!! He said "You know you are the total package!! You have a fantastic personality, you can cook AND you have the hottest body on the beach!!!" Awww, aint he sweet?? I really didn't know how to respond to that one.

Well I got up the courage to do it! I packed up all my clothes that were too big for me and put them in a big box. 90% of my wardrobe is gone! lol I never wore them anyway so it's a good feeling to have the cleanout.

I got remembering this morning while throwing out my old clothes. I couldn't resist trying some of them on. Quite a few of them have the seams splitting on the sides where they were so tight on me that the material couldn't cope holding in my lard. Some had buttons popped off where the pressure was too tight. And today I could pull them on without undoing any zips or buttons and they literally hung off me and fell off in some cases. As I put on each outfit I would remember situations and feelings I used to experience. Feelings of insecurity, paranoia and wanting to hide. I used to choose clothes because they made me look fractionally smaller than the huge size I was. I chose them because they covered up some roll. I chose them because they fitted. I chose them because there was nothing else to choose from.

At the end I realised I hated all those clothes. I've never liked my wardrobe because it just fitted the purpose of covering my body... that's it. And I never liked what I saw. I was always sure the shop mirrors made me look larger than I actually was. I wore those clothes because others told me the colour looked good on me (not that I looked good in them) and looking back I didn't look good in them.

Clothing for me now is a whole different emotion. I want to look good everyday! I only wear tops that hug my waistline, show off my body. I wear clothes because I feel secure in my body, secure in how I look. When I walk down the road I walk with my shoulders back, boobs out, butt out and tummy in. Not because I've thought about that but that's just what's happened slowly over two years of metamorphasis. When I walk past a shop window I gaze approvingly at my figure. Sometimes it must seem vain for onlookers but I have the right to stare. I'm making up for all those years I avoided any reflection of myself. And finally after two years ... I LIKE WHAT I SEE!!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 72.1kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

The clothes have gotta go

Another day ontrack and within points. I ate a few too many lollies yesterday but compensated with a light low point dinner so saved my ass ... just! lol

Weighed myself this morning and my weight is still the same... damn!! Incredibly frustrating when you are really good yet the numbers don't drop. I know they probably will by weighin day (monday) but I so feel like I deserve them to go down NOW!! lol

On the good side my pants are feeling baggier today. I desperately need to go shopping again and buy some more clothes. I only have about 4 sets of clothes the look good and fit at the moment. And a wardrobe full of hessian sacks!! lol ... I really should give them all away but I'm a bit scared to just yet. Maybe I'll do that as a celebration thing when I finally get to goal.

Well that's about all that's happening around here today.

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 72.1kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Back ontrack

It's amazing what one day back ontrack does to your confidence. I feel on top of the world again ... like I can really do this!!

I did everything perfect yesterday ... tracked everything, ate well, ate my fruit, drank my water, ate no lollies, no alcohol and exercised! Even saved 3 points at the end of the day. Wahooo!!

When I'm not tracking everything feels out of my control. Like I have no choice but to gain weight. I'm like a thick brick sometimes. I know what's right and what I should be doing but I get stubborn and lazy and stop tracking then slowly everything else starts crumbling. Tracking is truelly the secret to weightloss.

I had a cool moment yesterday. One of our staff saw my before photo. She had never known I was big before. She thought I was always this size. The photo blew her away and she said if I can lose weight so can she. So she's decided after hearing what I've done that she's going to start losing weight too.!! Now that's what this is all about. You don't need fancy words or lectures to inspire others ... you just need to show them with what youre doing and they will see in your actions and results. I feel like I've made a difference and that feels great!

I have a few hours off this morning so might take the time to go for a walk down the beach. So funny that we live so close to a paradise and don't get the time to enjoy it.

Alot of the crowds have gone home today now that the official public holidays have finished, so it won't be so hectic in the shop. The house has suffered while we've been so busy at work. Three kids are away at the moment and I'm starting to miss them alot. Jordan (4) is at mum and dads while Malachi (6) and Lauren (9) are at Bill's brother and his wifes in Nelson ... all until the 16th January. We just have Jese at home and the house is so quiet.

Well I'm off to relax for a bit before I start work at 4pm.

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 72.1kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Gripes!!

Yep I gained 300g ... could have been more I guess so I have to be grateful for that.

Was really embarrasing tho ... I walked into my meeting late and everyone said "here she is ... is she going to make goal tonight???" Then they all stopped what they were doing while I hopped on the scales ... talk about public humiliation! lol. I did previously warn them that it was not going to be pretty. And they were all supportive when I did have my gain. But I would have much rather snuck in, weighed and snuck out again. Aww well at least I went! right?

This week I'm starting off much better prepared. Went to the supermarket yesterday and stocked up on salads, ww cereal bars and frozen ww/lean cuisine meals ... like HEAPS of them! And I'm going to keep half of them in the shop freezer so I can have a healthy meal at the shop if needed.

I even bought a new bonus buddy last night. Did I mention what happened to my last one? I dropped it down the toilet! lol hence I had to lay it to rest and buy a new one. But I'm so pissed off ... this new one doesn't work. The LCD screen is all up the poo (only half the lines show) so I'll have to take it back and replace it. The annoying thing is that it's a whole week before I can do that. So that's another week without my bonus buddy!! I was wanting to start afresh this week ... food all prepared, bonus buddy on my hip ... now I can't ... I hate that!!!

Ok that's enough gripes for one day ... I'm off for another day running in the shop ... but a prepared one this time!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 72.1kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

It could have been so different

Well I have weighin in approximately 1 hour and 27mins ... and I am really not looking forward to this one. Infact I'm utterly discusted in myself.

I was a perfect angel on Christmas Day. I planned, I prepared and I ate well with very little alcohol. Trouble was, once Christmas Day was over I thought "Yay!! I've done it, I've gotten past the celebrations and didn't overeat!", but then I did the busiest week I have ever done in the dairy ... we've worked solidly for 14hrs everyday without a day off for the past 10days and I am buggered!!!

I really didn't make wise choices this week... well no that's not quite right ... I made wise choices but I didn't plan. I found myself stuck behind the counter with customers queuing out the door and I could not get out to get myself something healthy to eat. I couldn't get to the supermarket to buy food to take with me to work. I was at the shop from 7am till 10pm everynight. Coming home just to sleep and do it all over again.

Tiredness and TTOM lead me to give in my normal stubborness with regards to healthy choices. At the end of the day I was just too tired to go home and cook something healthy ... too many nights I gave in to takeaways. I always chose something healthy on the menu (of what little healthy choices they had) so it could have been a lot worse. But ultimately I think I'm in for a gain tonight. Desperately hoping for a loss ... but sadly expecting a gain!

To reach goal tonight with a pathetic 800g to go, exactly 2yrs since I started this weightloss journey, would have been the perfect end to a wonderful fairytale ... but sadly, devestatingly that's not going to happen.

Ohhh well ... I'll be back later with the horrible results.

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.8kg (that number looks so nice)
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Happy New Year!!!

Really, really quick update ... I only have a few minutes left before I have to be back at the shop again.

Thanks so much for all your well wishes! I'll do a proper update and let you all in on the christmas goss when I have a chance to catch my breath again.

Just wanted to let you guys know I'm still alive and kicking ... just been absolutely snowballed by customers. We've been running from 7am open till 9.30pm close everyday since Boxing Day!!! Have never been so exhausted in all my life. And don't get your hopes up bout all that running meaning weightloss ... I wish! For some stupid reason my weight is way up!! TOM this week = fluid retention as well as my resistence to sugar and all things bad way down!! BUGGER!!

Eating on the run all day which mostly means having to make the best choice of a bad selection. Doing the best I can but I know I won't be making goal this week. Oh well ... I'll still make it just not this week.

Anyway really gotta run ... back to it!!! (we've had customers queing out the door!!!!)

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.8kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Santa's coming tonight!!

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!!! Make wise choices but don't let your eating choices overshadow time spent with friends and family.

Thank you all sooo much for your tags!!! I just love seeing what you guys write. I'll let you in on a secret, I probably log on 10 -15 times a day to check what's been said ... I love it!!!! You guys make this site come alive!!!

It was time for my monthly pampering yesterday ... getting my nails done. Yay!! Decided to get something real Christmassy this time ... green (glow in the dark and changes colour in the sun) and red with a gold diagonal stripe. Hard to explain but maybe I'll take a pic for you when Bill gets home with the phone/camera.

He's off getting stock from the supermarket ... it's currently 6.45am!!!! He made the trip to Thames yesterday (45mins away) and could NOT FIND ONE carpark!! He drove round and round for a whole hour. No carparks in the supermarket carpark, none in the Warehouse carpark, none on the street ... in fact none for a 2km radius of the supermarket!! And he had too much stock to get to walk that distance (he wanted 10+ boxes of drinks) So he came home empty handed and very stressed I might add! lol

So he decided to go to a closer supermarket (New World and more expensive) but only 10mins away and get there as soon as it opened at 7am to hopefully be able to get it this time.

Rang my brother last night for a chat and he told me he got made redundant about 3hrs ago!! What sort of suck company makes some redundant 2 days before Christmas???? I can't believe that!!! He wants to go overseas for a bit but needs to save up some more money yet. So he's going to look for a 6mth job somewhere. He's even considering going to work for mum and dad on the farm. They're selling their farm in 6mths so might be good timing for that. Wait and see what happens but I really feel for him.

I had a some great news from Lynda ... she's going to come by and see me on Boxing Day!! They're driving past this way and going to stop in. I'm so excited!! I haven't seen her in 9 or 10mths! Yay!!!!!

Christmas is pretty uneventful for us this year. Bill's working in the shop from 8am till 2pm. My brother is coming down from Auckland (arives tonight) so that'll be fun for the kids. Then it's a laid back day tomorow, watching the kids get their stockings and play with their toys. Pancakes, banana, 98%ff bacon flavoured chicken, and maple syrup for brunch. Then mum & dad, my sister/brother-in-law, and Aunty are arriving around 6pm for dinner (salad, gourmet potatoes, asparagas, beetroot, gherkins, ham and chicken, then traditional steamed pudding, custard and icecream for dessert) I think I have my eating pretty well planned. I've saved up some points and have lots of low point options for me to have.

Then after dinner we are all sitting round the Christmas tree to open our pressies. Just one day to go!!!!! Yipppeeee!!!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.8kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

This is so exciting!!

What a shock!! A happy one tho :) Those sweet little weight watcher scales told me I lost ....

Weighin Result 20th December, 2004 ... 1.4kg Loss!!! Blown away by that one!!!

There's a few exciting things about this weighin ...

1. It takes me down to only 800 pathetic little itty bitty grams to go till goal!!!! That's the most exciting part!!!

2. It brought me to my 35kg lost goal!!!! Do you realise the last time I actually reached a mini goal?? 10th March, 2004 I got to 3/4 way mark @ 75.6kg!!! That's like absolutely ages ago. The last few kilos have been painfully slow and you all know how I have lost motivation many times in that time. But it's soooo true ... never give up and you WILL GET THERE! That's a scientific fact!! I'm testiment to that. I never did anything amazing that made me any different from anyone else. I wasn't a 1kg a week girl ... never have been (don't count this weighin result because that's actually two weeks worth, remember I didn't go to weighin last week?) All I have done is plodded, or "chipped" my way along (as Beck's so wonderfully put it)

3. I have now been doing weight watchers for more than 100 weeks!! If someone had said to me at the start of all this that it's going to take you over a hundred weeks to get to goal I probably would have given up right there and then. Lucky I didn't know then huh? lol ... but I'm glad it's taken that long, because my ways are set in habit concrete now. Bill said to me the other day "I'm so proud of you, the fact that the other day you went out shopping on your own, with all those food temptations and smells around and you still stuck to your healthy choices even tho no one would have known. No one around you knew you, yet you still came under points for the day. That shows this is a lifestyle for you now."

And he was so right. I'd never thought about like that before. And I didn't even have to fight myself that day. I naturally wanted healthy food, the other things never even entered my brain. But in saying that, it's been a gradual thing over the past 2yrs. It really does take time to get to that stage... so I'm glad I gave myself that time.

The other reason I'm glad it's taken this long is that I've enjoyed myself along the way ... I've had my bourbens, my chocolate, my lollies, my McD's ... and I haven't missed out. I haven't suffered ... and I can eat like this now and still have my treats ... when I get to goal nothing is going to change, I can just keep doing what I'm doing and I'm happy with that!

4. Next week my weight watchers meeting is closed for the week giving me two weeks to get to goal. And with just 800g to go I can do this ... and this is the coolest part ... my next weigh in will be the 3rd of January, 2005 ... exactly two years since I started my JOURNEY TO SLIMSVILLE!!!

GOAL HERE I COME!!!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 71.8kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

New Car ... Yay!!

Some bad news, some good news, some great news!

Got a speeding ticket coming back from doing the Christmas shopping on Thursday. My very first ever speeding ticket. I was not happy with that Mr Coppa! But I was speeding so I guess I deserved it.

We bought a new car yesterday ... a 1999 Toyota Prado ... an eight seater! (Hailey don't tell Trish yet!!!) So finally we can fit all the kids in the car again. We lost our Challenger last year when Bill left his job. And in the meantime we've been travelling round in a Go-kart (that's what we call it) 1984 Toyota Sprinter. It's nice to have proper wheels again and to be able talk while driving without the noise of the engine to yell over.

And lastly my weight is down again today ... looking good for weighin on Monday, if I don't stuff it up over the weekend. I worked in the shop all day and not one single lolly I had!!

I had two people comment today that I looked like I had lost weight in the last month which is interesting given my weight hasn't dropped that much in that time. But I have noticed my size 12 pants I bought in Aussie in October and falling down on me all the time, so that's a good feeling. Although I'm not sure if it's me shrinking or my pants stretching! lol

Short update today, just got home from work (12hr day) and I'm dog tired.

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 72.3kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Warning!! Rambling below

Thanks guys ... feeling much better today, just a little tightness in the lungs.

Saw a thing on tv last night about a new drug that's coming out that suppossed to speed up your metabolism with absolutely no side effects. Bill and I were glued to the screen to find out what it's name was and where we could get it! lol ... only to find out it won't be on sale in Australia till 2008, so who knows when it will be here in NZ!! Said to Bill I may as well eat like there's no tomorrow until it arrives here!! JUUUUUST KIDDDDDING!! lol

In all honesty I'm not one for taking pills. Ask Bill, even when I'm nearly dieing I still won't take a panadol. Something in me just says your body gives you signs for a reason so if we knock out the signs how do we know what's happening?

But this new metabolism drug did sound great. It speeds up your metabolism to that of a fit person and unlike all the other diet drugs out there it doesn't rebound when stopped. i.e. you don't pile weight back on, you just stop losing. On the tests they did 100% of the people lost weight (over twelve weeks) and most of them lost around 10-12kgs in that time.

I know what alot of you are thinking ... what's she talking about taking that when she's so close to goal? But that's just it ... I'm finding it so hard to lose these last few kilos that something like that would be just the trick to do it.

Anyhow, it's not on sale yet and won't be for quite a few years in which time I WILL BE AT GOAL!! lol ... so all this talk is for nothing ... sheesh I'm rambling today aren't I? lol

Onto another thing I saw on tv ... studies have shown that the average size has gone up now to a size 14-16 in New Zealand ... I'm so glad to see they have finally worked out what we've all been saying for a long time ... that the so called size 8 chick is not the average anymore. And they've also worked out that shops have a big range of fittings for their sizes ... like a size 12 girl can be anything from a size 10 in one shop to a size 16 in another ... well .... HELLLOOOOOOOOO???? We've known THAT for donkeys ages!! Funny how science takes a while to catch on to what women's intuition has known for ages!

Now onto another thing .. now this got me riled up!!! Watched a documentary on the current generation and what they think of the older generation (named generation X, that's my generation ... and baby boomers, that's my parent's generation). They were so arrogant!! and full of themselves ... and ... oooooooohh ... I could go on for hours! lol ... one thing amoung all the insults they said was that woman who have had babies shouldn't wear hipsters!! Because their skin is all saggy!! Bill said I nearly got up and hit the screen!! lol

Ok I've calmed down now and gotten over it ... a little!! But who do they think they are to tell someone who has been through childbirth that they can't dress how they want? Ok, ok, ok ... I'm stopping now, before I explode!

Anyway these were a couple of things I caught on tv (canya see I'm a little tv addict at the moment! lol) that got my attention and thought I'd pass it on for ya!

Weightwise ... I dunno what happened on Monday but suddenly my weight shot right up, didn't do nuthin naughty ... honest!! Really don't know where that one came from ... anyhow today it's come down a little, still not where it should be but heading in the right direction.

Hey and guess what?? (yeah I know I'll end this entry soon) but Bill changed the lollies over to another drawer system on the side counter and it's slightly opaque ... that's done the trick ... I only had two lollies in the last 4 days!! Wahooo me!!!!

Ok I'll sign off now ... promise!! lol Quick before I think of something else to say! lol

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.2kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Feeling like crap today

Nothing new to report ... sorry guys! No weighin for me tonight ... I'm feeling like crap. The kids have been sick over the past week with what seemed like a mild cold/cough but now I'm realising, as I come down with it, that it's a little more than that :)

I'll be fine tho. Nothing that a few days laying low won't fix. Worked both days over the weekend in the shop and I think that may have been what did it ... overdid it a little. So spent today and probably tomorrow dressed in my unflattering but very comfortable tracksuit and no bra, laying around the house doing not much.

Nothing else to tell ... gonna go check out what everyone else has been up to then I think it's an early night for me.

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.2kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

In the real world again

Thanks guys for your wonderful words on tagboard and emails you've sent!! :D

I bought myself the Weight Watchers Exercise DVD this week ... great investment if anyones considering it! It's a great workout and you get one of those stretchy bands free. Although I bought an extra Medium intensity band as well because the freebie one was a beginners intensity one and I didn't know if it would be enough. I was right. I used the medium one straight off and had a good workout!

Was quite funny really ... I had a couple of drinks last night (all counted in my points) and decided on the spur of the moment I would do a workout ... Bill and I together ... at 10pm at night ... while quite unsteady on my feet ... heheh!! Very comical trying to stay balanced with tricky manouvers! But earnt myself an extra few bonus points and would have helped get rid of some of that alcohol.

NOTE: I just re-read that last paragraph ... and get your minds out of the gutters ... lol ... I meant a weightwatchers exercise dvd workout ... not the other type!! :p

Woke up this morning rearing to go. Decided we would go for a walk somewhere. Pity the weather man didn't help. Dressed the two youngest up warm with jackets and hats and off we went to Waihi. Got half way round and the wind just got too much. We had to walk on a 45 degree angle to stay upright at times! So decided to head home early. Oh well, not as much bonus points as I had hoped but better than nothing.

Called into the supermarket on the way home and got a salmon steak and mushrooms for the BBQ for lunch. I had imagined it to be sooo yummy but some reason it didn't live up to my expectations so gave half my steak to Bill (saving on 2pts) heheh

Bill's at the shop this afternoon/evening so I've got a weightwatchers dinner planned for dinner. Kids are having homemade fish and chips. Nice and lazy night curled up infront of the TV!!!!! Yes you heard right ... we have TV again!!!! We went one whole month without TV ... OMG I don't know how I survived!! Nearly didn't!! I'm a serious Shortland Street addict and my withdrawel symptoms were in overdrive!! lol ... so we sat down last night and watched it and caught up on a whole month in one night ... it's a bit like that! lol ... we ended up getting sky because to get TV here we would have had to get a new aerial which would cost about the same as a whole years sky sub ... so we went for sky instead.

I've also got Jetstream (broadband) on today ... wow it's so fast!! The telephone lines here suck and the fastest connection I could get was 30kbps ... it was rediculous! I would wait quite a few minutes just to get one page up. Now it comes up in seconds!! We're quite the technology bugs this week huh? lol Feels good to be in the real world again! For those of you who have me in your email address book under the old email ... our email address has changed, so sent me an email via the link on the right and I'll send you our new one.

Eating has been good again today. I'm so pumped being so close to goal now. Bill made a suggestion of eating just lettuce and fruit all week and running around the block at every spare moment ... that way I'd be at goal before Christmas and be able to show off my piercing to everyone on Christmas Day ... lol ... yeah right don't think that's going to happen ... I have 2.2kgs to go and only 2 weighins before Christmas.

But you never know ... miracles have been known to happen! :D

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.2kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Nothings stopping me now!

And I thought I was pumped before?????

NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW BABY!!!! Wanna hear why??

Bill said I had to work in the shop on Wednesday because he wanted to go buy my Christmas pressie. Of course I said yes!! Who wouldnt?? lol

He rang me from Tauranga to say he had just bought it ... infact two pressies. We had a limit for eachother ... which I'm ashamed to say I went over ... ummm ... by quite a few hundred lol ...whoops ...

Well I didnt feel so bad because he did too :) ... firstly he said "Wanna hear how much I spent on you?" And I immediately said NO!! Then straight after (without me even realising I'd said it ... "Yes" ... "yes, tell me how much you spent"

After he told me how much ... he said "wanna hear what I bought you?" "NO... NO WAY!!!" Bill is shocking at keeping secrets ... he does this every year ... he tells me before my birthday or before christmas what he's bought me, he just gets so excited about it. And he tries to get out of me what I've bought him ... but not this year ... NO WAY I'M NOT TELLING!! lol

Anyway I refused to listen to what he bought. He said he was going to give one of the pressies to me when he got home and the other on Christmas day. I said no but he wouldn't take no for an answer and in hindsight ... I'm kinda glad I got it now ... You'll understand after you see what it is ...

Ready???
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You remember what my final reward for reaching goal is??? The one I wrote in my weightchart page where I've put all my goals/rewards??? The one I've been staring at on the wall for the past two years .. wandering if I'll ever get it???

I wanted to have my bellybutton pierced with a diamond stud ....

well ...

Bill bought me a white gold bent bar chain with a diamond!!! (the main center stone is a daimond) .... ohhhh .... my .... friggen .... goodness!!!! I couldn't believe it ... it was such the coolest pressie!! And he knew how much this pressie really meant to me ... it's more than just a piece of jewellery ... it's a symbol ... it's a statement from Bill that he believes in me ... that he know's I'll make it!! It's like looking up at the end of a marathon, nearly falling over from exhaustion, not knowing if I'll actually be able to get to that finishline ... then looking up to see Bill there cheering me on with an enthusiasm that proclaims I'll do this because he has the finishing medal in his hand ready to give to me!

That's why this is such a cool pressie ... and why I'm glad he gave it to me now ... because he know's now is when I need the encouragement and motivation to finally finish this!

I'm sticking to my goal of not getting my belly button pierced until after I actually reach goal ... then I'm off baby!!! off to get that celebration hole punched!!! Yeeee haaaaa!!!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.2kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Healthy body image

Yay another 600g gone!! Bringing me down to 73.2kg :D and just 2.2kg to go to goal!! I really wanted to get to my lowest weight ever lastnight (72.8kg) just 400g off but wasn't meant to be. I'm happy tho, 600g is nothing to scoff at.

After reading someone's journal yesterday about the physical amount of weight we've lost I realised I have lost more than the weight of Jordan and Jese combined!! (34.2kgs) So I did a little experiment to see for myself. I carried round Jordan and Jese on my hips and I only lasted a few minutes before I had to put them down!! Wow they are heavy!! lol and to think I used to carry that much weight around everyday!!! No wonder I used to find it exhausting just to roll over in bed! Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in the numbers but to actually see something physical that weighs the same as what we've lost really opens our eyes to our great efforts!!

I stayed for the ww meeting last night and they were talking about body image and how our mind takes a while to catch up to our actual image. That's so true for me. It's only been the last month or so that I've started to feel slim and stopped being so critical of myself in the mirror. I'm only just (after nearly 2yrs) starting to see myself as actually slimmer. I knew it in my head because the numbers told me that but it's the instant reaction we have when we catch a reflection of ourselves. For 22mths that reaction for me has still been a yuck feeling ... but now this last month it's become a "wow, look at her" feeling! lol Instead of turning my glance away ashamed to look again I catch myself looking twice or three times and a smirky smile coming over my face ... heheh! That's what weightloss is all about! :)

So my goal for this week is to lose another 500g bringing me lower than my lowest weight (72.7kg)

I'm feeling great!
Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.2kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

What a sweetie!!

So much has happened since my last update and I've been so busy I haven't had a chance to tell you all about it. But I'm here now ...

You know that BBQ meal I had all planned for dinner the other night? Well that all went out the window when Bill walked in the door at 4pm and told me to go put some nice spunky outfit on. All the questions started firing at him as to what he was up to. Of course he wouldn't say anything but to put a nice outfit on and pack an overnight bag.

So a frantic hour later I was showered, dressed with a face put on and smelling oh so nice ... heheh

All packed up in the car off we went. We ended up at Hamilton (an hours drive from here) at a motel. A babysitter turned up, instructions given and a taxi arrived. He took me to a fantastic restaurant in the Main street of Hamilton. Absolutely devine food!!! I was a little worried because I hadn't planned on a night out (points wise) but you'd be proud of me!!

I ordered the salad of the day for starters ... yummy combination of fancy lettuce, cherry tomatos, red onion, seeds, green olives (but I gave these to Bill, to save on points hehehe) and basil leaves coated in a balsamic vinager dressing. Absolutely YUMM!! (I counted it as 2pts given I had a couple of olives and there was a little olive oil in the dressing)

Then for mains I had a salmon fillet on chargrilled veges and placed on rice in a honey sauce and a side plate of steamed veges ... it was soooo devine!! And again really low in points.

I considered having dessert but there was nothing low point on the menu and I was comfortably satisfied, any more would have made me too full.

So off we went for a walk to see what we could find. Went to a couple of bars, had a few drinks and moved on with not much happening.

Then we found a pool club. Bill and I love playing pool. We used to play regularly in our dating years. It's been a while and I was a little out of practice but was very enjoyable. An hour and a half later we decided to move on to see what else we could find to do.

Had a look round at a few more clubs but they were filled with teenyboppers. (shheeesh I must be getting old lol) ... Had a bouncer on that I was offended he never asked ME for ID! lol

Then we found the Outback bar and it was perfect! Not too crowded, lots of space, good music, a couple of pool tables and a dance floor! So we settled ourselves down there. A few drinks later and I was feeling rather ... ummm ... relaxed! lol

A guy came over to ask if Bill wanted to play a game of pool with him with a wager of $5. Sure Bill said. So I sat and watched them play. This guy was good!! But unfortunately he sunk the white ball straight after the black right at the final shot, so lost and Bill won himself $5 bucks! YAY!

Then two guys came up to them and asked if they wanted a doubles game for a wager of $5. Bill and this guy made a great team!! Then we found out that the two guys were All Blacks!! They were big guys!!! But such gentle giants! Wahooo!! And get this he won both games against them!!! Winning himself $15 bucks!!! Yeah baby!!!

I went for a dance on the floor then we decided to head home. (well back to the motel) One taxi ride and we were there ... at 1.30am!!!! Impressive for me ... I'm usually someone who falls asleep infront of the tv at 9.30pm! lol

Flopped into bed and up again at 7am to get back home intime to have the kids at school.

Had an absolute ball!! And get this ...with the restaurant meal and all the drinks ... I kept within my points!!!! Yeah ... now that's a GOOD NIGHT OUT!!

Worked in the shop yesterday morning, then went to a friends for a BBQ lunch, then home for a quick nap and back to the shop for a 5pm-7pm shift. Home again last night, had dinner, chatted to Bill for a bit then off to flop my tired body into bed!

I have today off and it's pretty yucky weather outdoors so might be a lazy day indoors for me!

Ohhh and I have to tell you guys ... I've only had 3 lollies in the last 5 days!!! And I've stuck to points 100%!! Goal is so close for me now ... I have to do this! I'm going to do this!! I am doing this!!!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.8kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Advice galore! Thanks!!

Wow you guys are full of some great ideas!!! I've actually taken a combination of alot of your suggestions and come up with a plan.

1. I'm going to do up a chart for each kilo I've lost so far and also a star/reward chart for each day I go without lollies and stick it to the lolly counter (customers won't be able to see it). I might also include my fat photo on it. Then for everyday I don't have any lollies I get a star on my chart and will give myself a reward after a certain amount of days. That way everytime I walk past I'll see that instead of the lollies.

2. I'll continue to chew gum when I can.

3. Give myself an allowed amount of lollies every 3 days I go without.

4. I think a big thing is to break the habit. I was talking to Amanda about it via email and worked out it's not actually the lollies/sugar I want because I have chocolate and lollies at home that I never touch and it's not a problem at home. I think that it's become a habit that everytime I walk past I want to duck my hand in the jars. So hopefully by putting the chart up will be enough of an incentive to break the habit.

5. Continue to take rice crackers to work to nibble on all day

6. Bill has also talked about changing the layout of the shop to put the lollies in a pull out drawer under the glass top counter. This will make it a little harder to get to them and not so easy to sneak my hand into a lolly jar. He's doing it for space reasons but it suits my needs too.

7. Jules I did sit down one day and gorge myself ... that's when I had a 2.5kg gain the next day!! lol Don't think I'll be doing that again in a hurry ... hehehe

Wow, Katrina ... I don't know how you can do that (put a lolly in your mouth then spit it out). lol ... I have an instant reflex that swallows ... if something tastes good I just CANNOT spit it out! lol .. I'm impressed!

Lynda ... yes I spent the whole day testing out new tagboards to see if I could find a better one. I tried the one out that Jo uses but on changing the dimensions (making it wider and longer) it skew-wiffed it all so gave up on that one. Also didn't like the unchangeable colours on it.

I tried another one but spent 2 or 3hrs trying to get it looking right (right colours/size etc) and in the end it didn't look as good as this one. And it turned out that to get the 3000 character limit, they advertised, you had to actually pay for it. The freebie only gave 200 characters and it had popup ads (which I really hate) So after all my trialing out I ended up going back to the old one LOL!

I've been to the supermarket this morning to stock up. Always feel pumped after shopping with healthy food in the cupboards. Decided on having a BBQ tonight (hope the weather holds up) and cooking lots of BBQ veges along with our favourite Marinated Sirloin Steak (YUMM!!) ... I've got capsicums, jumbo mushrooms, zuchinis, tomatos, new potatos (with lite sour cream) and I'll do up a jumbo lettuce salad. That's one of the things I love about summer ... bbq food and salads. I figured since it's officially summer now I'm going to start having summer food (even if it's still raining!! lol)

We both have the day off from the shop today so I'm going to see if Bill wants to go for a big long walk this afternoon. I love doing that on our days off. We go find some bushwalk or park we haven't seen. It's so much fun!

BTW - Jules ... I'll tell you all the story sometime about how my cat pissed on my head!! Someday when I don't have so much else to talk about! lol

Well that's about all for me today!
Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.8kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Any advice??

I'm proud to say I'm still doing well and sticking to my points. I've had another motivated, eating well, exercising well, drink water well day!!

I usually struggle when I work all day in the shop. On the weekends is fine because it's so busy, but when it's a little quieter on the weekdays I tend to pick.

Take this for a scenario ... If you spent 12hrs in one building and everytime you walked out of one room to another (probably over 100 times a day) someone shoved a jar of chocolates in your face, can you imagine how hard that would be? I'm sure you'd say you'd resist ... yeah, for one day, maybe a week ... but for 4mths?? or longer?? That's what I'm facing at the moment. Everytime I walk out of the back office into the shop I walk straight into the lolly counter (at eye level too). Before I started working in the dairy I never considered myself a sweet tooth. And lollies/chocolates were only a temptation just before TTOM. The lady we bought the shop from said she put on heaps of weight working there as a consequence of those evil lollies.

My first thoughts were that I'd be fine. I was determined not to let them get to me. Anyway, I don't much care for lollies (more of a chips and dip girl) ... but I tell ya, I have to fight every single day I work there. And not just fight every day but fight every minute, everytime I walk out of the back office into the lollies I physically have to make myself turn away to aviod looking at them. I never realised how hard it would be.

I read a journal yesterday of a lady I have a lot of respect for. She's lost over 45kg and is now running marathons. She still plans what she eats and tracks everything even tho she's been at goal for months/years. Some of her words can be in your face and very hard nosed but I respect that because she's done the hard yards and knows what it's like to struggle for years to lose weight. Anyhow ... she spoke yesterday about the pathetic excuses people give for going offtrack. Her advice was if you put yourself in situations where you know you'll be tempted without planning ahead then you're an idiot. Well not those exact words, she put it a little more tactful than that lol. But in essence that's what her post was about.

I whole heartedly agree with her advice. But honestly I have thought and thought about this situation (with the lollies in the shop) and I can't see how I can change my environment with this one. At home I'm fine ... I keep the house point friendly ... at the shop I can't change that.

Now for the past week I've been great ... I haven't gone overboard on any lollies. I've had a couple but counted them in my points. But that's because I'm incredibly motivation now. What happens when I get a weak moment, am I going to cave in? Her advice was to plan now while we are strong for moments we are weak. I'm really stumped on this one. I've tried chewing gum (works for a few hours), I take healthy food with me, I get out for a walk when I can, tried chupa chups (not a good look for the customers). I think the only thing I can do on this one is just stay strong, determined to do this.

One thing I have done is increased my exercise. I walked to work yesterday morning (and we had galeforce winds here), then when staff came in at 12pm I went for an hours walk along the beach, then walked home again after work (carrying Jese on my shoulders, all 15kgs of him!! Pity my bonus buddy didn't register the extra weight I had to carry lol) At the end of the day I had walked 11,726 steps/7.7kms and earnt 5.5 bonus points! And I felt great!!

One thing I noticed last week that I think attibuted to my big loss ... I ate all my bonus points!! Not necesarily on the day that I earnt them but over the whole week I ate every single one of them. For the past 23mths I have never eaten bonus points (unless by accident) choosing to save them to lose more weight. And I wonder (I'm not totally sure on this one) but I had a great loss this last week and I ate them all. So I'm going to try it again this week and see what happens. In theory eating more and exercising more should speed up the motabolism ... we'll see I guess.

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.8kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Now dat's wot I'm talkin BOUT!!!

I'm absolutely ecstatic to see a 2.1kg loss on the scales tonight!!!! I've managed to save my butt again (well not save but get rid of it lol). I looked back over my records and this is infact second largest loss I have had ever! And get this ... lol ... last week was the biggest gain I've had ever! How's that for two weeks of extremes?? I actually wonder if last weeks gain was a little untrue (fluid retention and the binge i had the night before) But in saying that, it means that this week is not a true 2.1kg loss ... so I'm going to stop in my tracks right there and just celebrate this week for what it is ... A FANTASTIC RESULT AFTER A WEEK OF HARD WORK!!!!!

Yippeeeeeee!!!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.8kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Tiny, wee thing???

Here's the pic of my nails ... she put a really funky colour on them that's silver normally and then changes to gold in the sunlight/heat and glows in the dark!! And I got bored on Saturday night and painted the design on top. I stuck silver foil hearts on too. A bit of fun! lol

I overate a little on Saturday with the family all here. Nothing major but went over my points for the day. I used my saved up points but it put my weight up from the day before. The home scales were saying a huge loss this week and now it's only showing a small loss but hey it's still down ... I hope! :)

Worked in the shop all day yesterday from 6.45am till 8pm. Walked 5.5kms behind the counter in one day!!

Hey guess what?? I had the coolest compliment yesterday! Probably the best one yet ...

I was at the bakery getting myself some lunch. I usually get a vegetarian filled roll with no cheese and no butter. But the baker lady said sorry she didn't have any that day. I said ohh it's ok, I can eat meat it's just that the vege ones are lower in points. She said "ohhhh you don't need to lose weight do you?? You're a tiny wee thing!" OH MY GOODNESS!!! Can you believe someone would call me tiny???? lol that is the first, I think in my whole life!! Even as a kid I was always a "big girl" ... and even now a few kilos from goal I still think of myself as big boned ... slim, but big boned ...

wow now I'll have to reassess that image lol ... can you believe it?? "Tiny, wee thing"????? lol

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 75.9kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

So it's a goer then?

Wow yeah looks like everyone is really keen!! I'll have to have a think about logistics of everything. But that's just paperwork ... sounds like a goer!! I'm sure Bill wouldn't mind putting up with a house full of girls for a couple of nights here at the beach!! heheh

Main thing is we would have to give people plenty of time to save up for airfares etc. (no accommodation is needed you can all bunk down here)

Ok sorry to be a party pooper but onto me now! lol

Day 6 and still ontrack!!!! wahoooo!!! I've even managed to save 10points over the week (that includes my bonus points) but a little scared to use them now, don't want them to bung the scales up on Monday. I would absolutely love to lose the whole 2.5kgs in one week that I gained last week but I know this isn't really a reality. Bugger!! Can't complain tho I know it's not a race :)

I have a fun day planned today. I'm having my nails done in the next half hour (the lady is coming to my house how cool is that???). I love the pampering! lol

Then mum and dad and my sister and brother-in-law is coming over around lunchtime for the day. None of them have seen our new house here so that should be fun. I did a massive clean up this morning so the house was immaculate (wasn't too much) but the kids have gone behind me pulling out toys and stuff. Going round in circles trying to keep it tidy. Oh well not be be I guess! lol

Well I'll talk to you guys later after my nails are immaculate again (they're looking a bit tatty at the moment)... might get them painted a funky colour this time and take a pic to show ya's all tomorrow.

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 75.9kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Celebrate good times

This is my 4th day ontrack and I feel great!! I've counted everything and come within points each day! Angel you are so right ... I do know what I need to do and I feel so good when I actually do it! It's funny how such a motivational low can bring on such a motivational high!! Weird?! But I'm not questioning it ... Just gonna do it!!

Thanks again guys. The day I considered putting a tagboard on here I really wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. Putting your life out there for people to read is one thing but to give them permission to comment on it is a whole nother risk. But I'm so pleased I took that risk!! It's the comments from you guys that bring this website to life!! Otherwise it would just be a page of information but now it's become a group of interactive people that support eachother for more than any support group could offer! It's awesome!!!!

Probably by the time you all read this Lynda will be on her plane flying away. I am so jealous!!! Really happy for her but jealous. You see Lynda found me when I first started my website 18mths ago (before tagboard days) and emailed me. We began emailing back and forth, then Leigh joined in too (her and Lynda had been in contact via email for a while). So the three of us decided we would be a support network for eachother. We'd never met in real life yet we all felt like we knew eachother so well from sharing our lives on here.

Then over the months more and more websites and readers have joined in and made our group flourish!! It has grown to far, far more than I ever thought it would. My thinking in starting my website would be to have a space to call my own that I could put all my feelings down in and record my achievements. I never imagined it would become so much to me. The friendships I have made on here with you guys has made this journey so much nicer!!

8mths ago I met Lynda in person for the first time. It was a weird experience, knowing someone via the internet, seeing photos yet it was like another dimension actually meeting. Over the past 18mths all three of us have talked about getting together. When I went to Aussie a few months ago I thought it would happen then but things didn't work out at the time. Leigh happened to be going on holiday at the same time, so we had to wave at eachother through plane windows.

Now Lynda is finally meeting Leigh and Kimba (ohhhh I so want to be there lol) But not to be this time I guess.

One day we will all have a big party and invite everyone from on here and celebrate our achievements and our failures ... but mostly we will celebrate us!!! Yay us!!

Sheesh I've gone on a bit today lol, can ya tell I'm feeling great?? lol

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 75.9kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Potential accidents

As in words of Dr Phil "Weightloss has nothing to do with willpower and everything to do with environment control"

Such wise words!! Let me explain and go back a bit here ...

We all have moments of wonderful motivation and willpower but it never lasts ... everyone always loses their willpower at some stage. It's natural for it to come in waves - extreme highs and lows.

So if we rely on this alone we are setting ourselves up for failure. We have to control our environment, set up habits, routines and plan, plan, plan. It's like a defensive driving course ... your eyes have to be peeled the whole time for potential accidents ... potential weightloss sabotaging accidents.

And why am I rambling about all this you ask?? I had the perfect situation to explain about NOT CONTROLLING MY ENVIRONMENT!

I consider myself a pretty organised weightlosser who controls her environment and is mostly very motivated to lose weight... but ... on Sunday night (the night before weigh-in) I made the stupidest mistake and one that I have to pay for ...

I set myself up in an environment that was destined for disaster. It had nothing to do with willpower and everything to do with lack of planning and controlling my environment.

Let me explain ... Australian Idol was on (starting at 9.30pm) and I had to see the final. Our TV still doesn't work at home so decided to go to the shop to watch it. Which would have been fine if i had planned and thought about what I would be facing.

But I didn't and here's where I went wrong ...

1. I was tired after working a full day till 8pm
2. I had come home first to have dinner (one good thing) but had decided to have a few drinks before I went (bad!!) So my guards were down before I even got there ... you know that "ahhh well who cares?" attitude we get after a couple of drinks
3. I took some drinks with me
4. I was alone (sometimes having someone else there stops us going offtrack)
5. I got the munchies in a MUNCHIE ADDICTS HEAVEN!!! An icecream, lollie, chocolate, pie wonderland!!!
6. I had PMS (and you know how the sugar cravings can come on real strong)
7. It was a long winded program that went on for hours and hours and I got bored


So as you can see no amount of willpower would have got me through this one ... I was stupid not to see it coming ... and I'm ashamed to admit it ... BUT ...

I ate, and ate and ate and ate until I couldn't fit anymore in ... I ate lollies, chocolates, icecream, chicken pies, chips, alcohol and more!!. I remember having the pie and thinking "yuck this pie is half cold" but I still ate it. Like I was determined to eat it no matter what.

I have never ever done this before ... honestly!! Sure I've eaten too much at a dinner out, or realised too late that I shouldn't have had that extra drink ... but I have never eaten just for the sake of eating and felt full and kept eating and eaten like there was no tomorrow and everything sweet and fatty was going to be banished. I consider myself an occasional picker of the wrong foods but never a blubber binger like I was that night.

I came home and bawled my eyes out. I just could not believe what I had done to myself. I felt sick both physically and mentally. (don't worry I didn't purge lol) I started beating myself up, telling myself I was useless ... that I couldn't resist food, that it was the start of the road back to the fatlands.

I confided in Bill the next morning what I had done. He wanted to know what I had eaten so I told him every morsal of food that went in my mouth that night and even he was shocked. He said "that's so not like you, what happened?" And that's when the lightbulb went on. He was right, it wasn't something I have ever done before and there is no reason why it has to ever happen again. I remembered the words Dr Phil had said on tv the day before. This was purely a lack of planning and not controlling my environment. No one is superhuman to resist food being put infront of them all the time especially when their guards are down (from being tired and moderately tiddly lol)

I still could go but I shouldn't have drunk, and I should have taken something healthy (but still nice) with me to snack on ... and I shouldn't have gone alone!!

I felt better after my cry and chat to Bill about it. I realised then and there that I have to forgive myself and go and face the consequences (at weighin that night)

And it was bad, real bad!! But I'm glad I went, now I can put it behind me and carry on. It was also a case of not going the week before meaning my bad habits slipping back and carrying on over another week instead of facing the music the first week and putting it behind me then. I had 2 good days of eating before weighin but the last night ... well that cancelling EVERYTHING out lol.

The result??

Weighin Result 22 November, 2004 ... 2.5 KILO GAIN!!!

Even tho this weeks weighin was a complete shock it has motivated me to get with the program and just do it ... and look around at my environment to see potential accidents and plan, plan, plan ... that's what it's all about!! This chicks not out for the count yet!!!

All Monday and Tuesday I have stuck within points and walked 7kms Monday and 9.8kms yesterday. I've started walking to and from work (just over 3kms both ways).

Yesterday we had a few hours off in the middle of the day so went up to Whangamata (surf beach 45mins north of us). We spent half an hour walking up and back on the beach. Oh and yay I found my bonus buddy again ... I love that thing!!!

Oh and guess what happened last night??? Our shop and the liquor shop next door got hit by lightning!!! It was so loud and the lights all went off then came back on. And the liquor guys tv blew up!! I really feel like I've been given a second chance lol ... wowsers!!! How close is that??? At the time I kept thinking "don't touch any metal, don't touch any metal!!" lol ... the two ladies walking out of the shop screamed and nearly dropped their icecreams. It was the freakiest thing I've been through for a long time!! Lucky for us no damage was done and no one hurt ... just made my heart jump a mile! lol

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 75.9kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Can't keep me down too long

I didn't want to update on here until I had at least 2 good eating days under my belt and it's taken until today to be able to say that. I've stuck to points and drunk my water.

My bonus buddy has gone walkabout so not sure what my walking points are but I have been active.

I did a good grocery shop on Friday so have a nicely stocked pantry. Now there's no excuse!!

We've had a gorgeous day of sunshine here today so have taken the opportunity to catch some rays and lay on the beach for a few hours.

Don't have much more to tell ... I'm finally back on track. Pity the weighin on Monday won't show my few days good efforts but that's not the important thing ... I'm back into it again ... that's what counts :) Certainly helps to keep going with the encouragement I get from you guys ... THANKS, you've bounced me back again :D

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.4kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

I suck!

I didn't make it to weighin last night ... yeah yeah I know I should have gone. 50% of me didn't want to go and 50% because I had to work in the shop till 7pm.

I'll be fine ... i'll get back into it. Just have to wait till I get all this other stuff sorted.

Was talking to Bill about it last night and I struggle when I don't have a good supply of healthy food in the house. And we've just been so busy the last week trying to get everything done that i haven't had the chance the get to the supermarket yet.

Not that that's good enough reason not to eat healthy but it's something to learn from. Not that I think I could have done anything different.

Anyhow there's nothing I can do about it now. I really want to get some home scales again. I find that helps keep me in check throughout the week. I flounder when i don't know where I'm at.

The good news is that I did an update to admit my crappy efforts :) I nearly didn't lol.

Back to it today
Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.4kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Damage control

We have contact and I'm back online again!! An odd experience to not have internet access for 4 days lol ... how did we ever survive before technology huh? lol

We've shifted and all set up in our new home. It's been a busy, tiring ... no exhausting few days.

The staff member we have who works Thursdays and Fridays (giving us our weekend off) rang to say she could only work the morning of Thursday (our shifting day!) ... so I had to work from 12pm onwards, leaving Bill to shift the whole house by himself!!

Mum surprised me by turning up to look after the children, that really helped!!

We started packing 6am Thursday morning and had most of it done by 12pm when I went to the shop.

After I finished work at 7.30pm we did another trailerload of the heavy furniture (with help from another two friends). We had to get our table up to the second floor. But even with the four of us lifting we couldn't get it up there. So it's currently sitting in the garage. We'll have another try today if the weather clears up.

Talking about weather ... it was forcast for rain on Thursday but was so nice to us and the rain held off till Friday.

Now onto the eating front ... have to warn you it's not good. I've eaten takeaways, lollies, chips ... bad, bad, bad!! I really slip up when I'm not in my regular routine. And I have to admit I had a couple of emotional binges too.

With Bill doing the shifting of furniture by himself we was exhausted and crabby the next day. I was tired too so that didn't make for any romantic talk lol. A couple of times I decided that's it, I'll teach him a lesson ... I'll eat this whole bag of chips by myself ... I deserve it after that episode! lol How stupid!! But at the time it was quite a reasonable expectation .... yeah right!!!

I'm so frustrated at myself ... goal is just around the corner and every 100g grams I lose is a hard earned effort ... then in one week I stuff it up and probably gain a kilo (6-10wks of losses gone down the drain!!! ... grrrrr!!!)

Not much I can do about it right now but get back into routine and back ontrack. Really don't want to go to weighin tomorrow but I need to. If I don't go there'll be two weeks worth of damage to fix.

Argggghhhh!!!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.4kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

shifting day

A quick update to let you guys know i'll be offline for a couple of days. It's shifting day today .... let's go!!!!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.4kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

I'm Lighter!!

Awww shucks ... thanks guys, dunno bout a beach babe (you guys are making me blush lol) but I'm getting there :)

Went to weigh in tonight not really knowing if I'd lost or gained. I felt slim and my jeans kept falling down today but I put that down to them stretching (not wanting to get my hopes up)

Then I went and had a big lunch ... duh!!! I usually eat pretty light on weighin days. So thought I'd blown any loss i would have had.

So was excited to see a 200g loss show up. My leader was waiting for my response and was relieved when I was happy. She said a lot of people complain about a loss like that. I told her I'm so close to goal now that anything is fantastic. I'm plodding my way down there. The exciting thing is I've had 5 losses in 6 weeks (with only a 100g gain one week)

I always look at it this way (and tell myself on my way home from weigh in everyweek I have a loss, especially a small one) That I am lighter right now than I was last week!! I don't care how much by ... I'M LIGHTER!!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.4kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

A girls gotta have timeout

I had a wonderful day to myself yesterday. I had to go to Hamilton (1.5hrs drive away) to get my stitches out and needed to stock up on shop stuff while there.

Left at 9am, stitches out at 10.45pm, then I decided to get my nails backfilled and painted. yay pampertime for me!!

The only damper on the day was the stomach cramps I was getting. Although not painful in themselves it was the fear of what it was going to turn into ... (horrid thoughts of rotavirus plagued my brain all day)

Last night I felt pretty yuck ... not nausous just drained and lethargic. But this morning I woke up fine. I was actually surprised when I woke up and it was morning. I had really expected a rough nite. But hey I'm not complaining.

So today I'm bouncing off the walls again! And my bowels got a good emptying out yesterday (ok sorry for the details) but I'm normally a "once a week girl" ,... so 5 times in one day has made me feel SOOOO SLIM today!!!! lol

I even got my bikini out to try it on again. Did I mention I bought myself a bikini in Aussie?? It fits perfectly but there's a few small tweakings I need to do on my body before it's wearable in public.

After this morning's tryon I'm very close to looking good! Yeah baby!!! Once I finally get there, I'll take some pics.

Now I just need the sun to come out!
Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

cutting tags off

Julie ... I totally know where you come from. Although everything seems to have turned to custard since moving here to Waihi Beach, I choose to see it has a battle before the reward. I'm really pumped at the moment to see what challenges we can overcome. After all ... as they say ... what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger. I really believe this!!

Today is uneventful ... yay what a relief!! lol No kids threw up ... no diareah!!

Day off in the shop ... considered our weekend. We have staff working in the shop Thursdays/Fridays to give us two days off. This week I really needed time off. Most "weekends" I tend to help out in the shop. (yeah I know Im addicted lol!) But not today ... I needed the break. We did not much today! Bill went across to do the banking, then we just blobbed around the house all day. Nice change!

I took a new update photo a few minutes ago to show you guys the new dress I bought in Aussie. Can you believe it ... size 16!!! lol ... I nearly didn't buy it because of the huge sizing but I've always wanted an asian style trim fitting dress. The lady claimed it was small sizing ... yeah whatever!!! lol But it looked good so I bought it anyway. I'll just cut the tags off.

I heard a statistic the other day (can't remember where) that 60% of woman cut the tags off their clothes so they don't have to look at the size!!! What's with that?? Not like anyone else is going to see it and do they think they are going to forget the size they bought it as ... yeah right!!! Any size I bought as a size 24 (the size I used to be) was etched in my memory forever!!!

But the photo says it all ... I don't care it was a size 16 (I'm normally a size 10/12 now). As I was buying it another lady asked me about the sizing. She's normally a size 16/18 and she had to get a size 22 ... see? I'm not pulling your leg! lol

Not much else to tell today ... what a relief! lol

Catcha!
Lyn:)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

Not Again!!!

Firstly, your encouragement is awesome!! It really boosts my day to know people have taken the time to say something so nice. Thankyou bucketloads!!!

I'm handwriting this entry on a scrap of paper while I'm at the shop. I've lived here for the past three days (except for the few hours of sleep). Hence the lack of updates.

The horrid vomiting/diarreah bug (Rotavirus) has hit us again!! When Jordan got sick a couple of weeks ago we waited for the others to get it too... but it didn't seem to happen and just when we breathed a sigh of relief, guessing it was an allergy, Malachi got hit with it on Tuesday. Then this morning Jese threw up everywhere and Bill also woke up feeling nausaus and threw up.

So I've done two 14hr days and a 9hr day today in the shop. We figure the more I stay away from home the more likely at least one of us can stay well.

I'm really feeling drained today, asking myself how much more can our family take??

I'm generally a pretty positive person. I occasionally get down but bounce back pretty quickly. Determination in my theme for the day (no, make that a theme for the year!! lol)

With shifting day looming closer (only 2wks away) hope we can all be well for those few days.

On the eating front I've been a perfect angel. I had a few celebration drinks on Monday night to reward my 200g loss this week and have earnt back the points already.

The lollies haven't overcome me this week. It's helped with having these stitches in my mouth (from having my wisdom tooth out). I get the stitches out on Friday.

As always, I'll keep you posted as to how we get on.

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

whadya know??? wowsas!!

Another 200g lighter ... wahooo!!! Happy camper tonight!

Not much else to say ... I didn't expect any loss let alone a 200g one so yay!!!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.6kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg

To cut or not to cut?

From to

I was so excited to see a New Zealand version of Extreme Makeover advertised to be on 20/20 (documentary program) last night. I waited with anticipation all day. I absolutely love those makeover shows.

I have considered have cosmetic surgery done on my thunder thighs and flabby tummy. But I always said I would wait till I had been at goal for at least 6mths before I did anything as drastic as that. I didn't want surgery to be a quick fix, a magical way to suddenly be at goal, but a polishing of the gem (if you know what I mean)

Anyway I was utterly discusted with the documentary. The lady had $30,000 worth of surgery done (for free) and I honestly couldn't really tell the difference. I thought Oh my gosh if she had that much done then imagine how pathetic my $8000 worth would do?? If I did ever get it done I would get liposuction on my thighs and a tummy tuck (to remove my excess flabby skin and stretchmarks).

But I am seriously changing my mind after the show last night. I know it's not supposed to be a miracle "suddenly I'm slim" cure... but hello you'd think you could see the difference between the before and after shots ... I couldn't!!

Anyway ... onto today ... I did well with my eating yesterday finishing on 17.5pts. Considered having a second dessert around 10pm but thought better of it, remembering that I was actually full after the first dessert a few hours before. So just saved my 2.5pts instead.

I drank 1.5ltrs of water .... wahoooo!!! Just hope this extra water doesn't show up on the scales tonight. I have found that in some past weeks that if I drink lots of water the night before weighin I have a misterious gain. Oh well it's the big picture I have to think of not one weighin result.

I'm really hoping for a loss tonight. I feel slimmer but I just really don't know without having the home scales working. Made me realise how much I rely on them as a guide (I usually only weigh myself every 2 or 3 days).

No matter what the result is I have to be happy with myself for my good eating/lack of alcohol this week. I'm just hanging out to get below my lowest mark ever again (72.8kg).

I'll update you tonight with weighin results ... as always ... wish me luck!!

Catcha!
Lyn :)
SW 107.4kg
CW 73.8kg
WWGW 71kg
PGW 65kg